Friday Reflections

Age is inevitable. Aging isn't. *

Points to Ponder: Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. - Samuel Ullman

I intend to grow old naturally,

and I intend to enjoy it every step of the way.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.**

 

Reflection: A month ago, while waiting in the lobby of Doctor's office, I noticed an elderly gentleman sitting across me. He looked happy and the calmness that radiated from his face raised my curiosity. During conversation, I mentioned that I was 65 and starting to have all kinds of aches and pains in my body and the doctor had ordered many tests. His daughter who had accompanied him mentioned that only recently he was starting to have some ache and waiting for a lab test. He looked very healthy and seemed to be in late 70s or early 80s. During further conversation, I was surprised to learn that he was 102. I asked him what was the secret of healthy happy youthful  life. To which he answered: I paint every day. Art is his passion. When his name was called, I saw him standing up and walking straight, the cane was only as an insurance support. 

Sequel: Upon returning home, I found (by the grace of internet) that the humble man I had good fortune to meet is a well known artist who has followed his passion through life. There is a museum in his name in China and his work has been displayed in many countries. The city of Los Altos, where he has resided since coming to America in 1956, had special celebration for his 100th birthday. When one does what he loves, it is no longer work (or stress), it becomes the enjoyable way of life.

As I left doctor's office, I got up straight. Since then the results of multiple tests that were ordered because of that visit have come out good. I have never felt any better.

Every May, ACL leads USA's observance of Older Americans Month. The theme for 2019 is Connect, Create and Contribute.

Wishing a very Happy May to our fellow Older Americans from Friday Reflections Community. 

*Quote by Mark Levy   **Quote by Mark Twain

When Opportunity Comes Knocking.

 

Many a times, it is in split seconds decisions that the fortunes are made or lost. One company becomes "Microsoft" and the other.....

 

POINT TO PONDER: “ When opportunity comes knocking on the door, don’t go to wash your face.” -From an ancient Indian story my grandfather used to tell us.

 

REFLECTION

When it comes to customers, there is no such thing as "Out of Scope." Such advice came from one of the greatest salesmen I have known.

 

In the summer of 1966, I got an internship to work in a small business. Part of the assignment was to accompany the owner during his door to door visits with customers. What I noticed was that the owner would listen to customer’s ideas, dilemmas, needs, and even if he did not have the product or service needed, he would say, “let me get back to you.”

    

Upon return he would assess if he wanted to get into that line of business or if there were other companies that could quickly service that customer’s need; then he would either make a deal with the other companies or refer them directly to the customer.

    

On one day he even referred his competitor to his customer realizing that he did not have that product. My curious mind inquired, “isn’t that dangerous - you are letting your competition get in the customer’s door.” To that he replied, “the primary objective of my business, stated in my mission, is to offer quick solutions to customers. And customers have seen that and asked me to get into many areas that they have need. Some customers have even funded my new ventures because they know I am focused on their success.”

   

Over the years, the scope of his business grew from cement to chemicals to ice and many more areas.The most important thing I learned from him in the summer of '66 was that “when it comes to customers, there is no such thing as, 'Out of Scope.'"  Years later when I watched a documentary on PBS about Microsoft,  the memory of that lesson revived and has stayed fresh since then.

 

STORY LINE:  Following story is extracted from the Public Broadcasting Station (PBS) special "Triumph of theNerds" by Robert Cringley.

 

Many a times, it is in split seconds decisions that the fortunes are made or lost. One company becomes "Microsoft" and the other (Interglactic Digital Research) vanishes from the face of the earth. Interglactic had the operating system that IBM (All mighty of computer business in those days)desperately needed to get PC business going, the other (Microsoft) did not. (Microsoft had only "Basic",a computer language.) So what happened next?

 

The scene is set in California...laid back Dr.Gary Kildall, CEO of Interglactic, already making the bestselling PC operating system CPM. In Seattle Bill Gates maker of BASIC the best selling PC language butalways prepared to seize an opportunity. So IBM had to choose one of these guys to write the operatingsystem for its new personal computer. One would hit the jackpot the other would be forgotten...a footnote in the history of the personal computer and it all starts with a visit to their headquarters by IBM in 1980.

 

In a nutshell, when IBM came on a short notice, Bill Gates and team changed their plans to accommodate them. Gary Kildall had other plans and he left IBMers with his partner and lawyer. When IBM pooped out non-disclosure agreements, Bill signed them in good faith even though he found them very amusing. Interglatic got the lawyer to look at the non-disclosure. The lawyer threw up on this non-disclosure. So IBM spent the whole day in Pacific Grove debating with them and with their attorneys and everybody else about whether or not Interglatic personal could even talk to them about talking to them, and they left.

 

Sequel to the story: And Bill Gates, not wanting to let go the opportunity, found a small company in Seattle to develop this operating system. 
 

Interestingly, that small company's operating system, which saved the deal with IBM, was, well, adapted from Gary Kildall's CPM.

”As it happens often in the PC business, the prize didn't go to the inventor but to the exploiter of the invention.”

 

But then again, When the opportunity comes knocking on the door, don’t go looking for the sink to wash your face. Just open the door, you will have rest of your life to do Risk Mitigation.

 

Triumph of the Nerds Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiffgiRAYUI&feature=youtu.be

Triumph of the Nerds

 

All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.

Thanks to Saeed Malik for introducing me to “The Little Prince” in the year 1988

Point to Ponder: Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Story Line: The Little Prince
At first glance one may assume that “The Little Prince” is a book for children. After all the cast of characters are: a Pilot, a boy named “The Little Prince”, a Fox, a Snake and a Rose. But in reality few stories are as widely read and as universally cherished by children and adults alike as “The Little Prince”. In my belief it is a story even more valuable for adults and it is easy one hour reading time.

Here are a few teasers from the book*:
The narrator begins with a discussion on the nature of grown-ups and their inability to perceive, especially relating to important things. The narrator becomes a pilot, and, one day, his plane crashes in the Sahara, far from civilization. In the middle of the desert, the narrator is unexpectedly greeted by a young boy who is nicknamed as "the little prince".

Over the course of eight days stranded in the desert, while the narrator attempts to repair his plane, the little prince recounts the story of his life.

The prince begins by describing life on his tiny home planet: in effect, a house-sized asteroid known as "B 612" on Earth.

The prince has since visited six other planets, each of which was inhabited by a single, irrational, narrow-minded adult, each meant to critique an element of society. They include:
• A king with no subjects, who only issues orders that can be followed, such as commanding the sun to set at sunset.
• A narcissistic man who only wants the praise which comes from admiration and being the most-admirable person on his otherwise uninhabited planet.
• A drunkard who drinks to forget the shame of drinking.
• A businessman who is blind to the beauty of the stars and instead endlessly counts and catalogs them in order to "own" them all
• A lamplighter on a planet so small, a full day lasts a minute. He wastes his life blindly following orders to extinguish and relight the lamppost every 30 seconds to correspond with his planet's day and night.
• An elderly geographer who has never been anywhere, or seen any of the things he records, providing a caricature of specialization in the contemporary world.
It is the geographer who tells the prince that the prince next visit the planet Earth.

The visit to Earth begins with a deeply pessimistic appraisal of humanity. The six absurd people the prince encountered earlier comprise, according to the narrator, just about the entire adult world on earth. Below are some sample dialogues before you dwell into the fascinating, deeply philosophical and meaningful story for life and relationships.

“People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for...And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

“Where are the people?” resumed the little prince at last. “It’s a little lonely in the desert…” “It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake.”

“Grown-ups love figures... When you tell them you've made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you "What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? "Instead they demand "How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? "Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

“Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready-made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me...” said Fox.

Reflection: In the modern times where elementary school teachers have to remind the parents to slow down and let kids be kids, In the corporate orientation classes for the fresh graduates when the presenter tells them “Welcome to the ‘Real World’”, For people needing coaching in “Emotional Intelligence, The Little Prince will enlighten and open the eyes about what the real “Real World” is like. As the narrator says to the little prince “Men occupy little space on Earth”

The analysis of the book in Encyclopedia Britannica sums it up well: The Little Prince draws unflattering portraits of grown-ups as being hopelessly narrow-minded. In contrast, children come to wisdom through open-mindedness and a willingness to explore the world around them and within themselves. The main theme of the fable is expressed in the secret that the fox tells the little prince: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

*Source for the Story Line Teasers: Wikipedia.

Cover Photo from The Little Prince in my book collection. Motion Picture has since been released. If any further interest beyond this reflection, then Recommend to read the book first before watching the video.

When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.

Point to Ponder: It is not mistakes but how they are handled defines persons and the culture of the organization.

Story Line: It was my first job. Our team was working long hours to get the new production line operational. One day with my boss Charlie nearby, I dropped the entire lot of production lot in a very stupid way. As the silicon wafers broke into pieces, I saw my dreams of having the job and get permanent residency in USA shattered away. I apologized. That afternoon I saw the boss going into the General Manager’s office and then the doors shut. Needless to say I couldn’t sleep that entire night and also called my parents and told them that I would be coming home soon.

The next morning when the boss came over and asked if I had a minute, all kinds of thought went through my mind. He reviewed my plan to expedite the replacement production lot and approved it. Not a single word was mentioned about what had happened the previous afternoon.

Late evening on that day while I was on the production floor, the general manager of our division came asked “Have you had dinner?” We went to his favorite Chinese (Jade Garden). That interaction; scene and words have always stayed with me. I told him “Dave, I am sorry for the mistake.” Before I can say further he said “Haven’t we all? How do you think I got where I am at? Without mistakes?” I sincerely offered to pay for the lost production wafers. He laughed and said that mistakes bring experience and to learn from them. He told me that Charlie and he had talked about this incidence. Their conclusion was that I was working too long hours and seemed exhausted. (My routine work hours were from 7AM to 9/10PM every night plus a few hours on the weekend)

With a smile he suggested, “Take a few hours off for extra rest. Work only 12.” Dinner didn’t conclude until he highlighted one by one many valuable contributions and emphasized that I was an asset to his organization.

A few weeks later, my boss called me in his office and handed a piece of paper. That was my first exposure to performance appraisal. He said it was “out of cycle” and the attached piece of paper had some numbers that seemed like my new salary. There was huge % increase number with a note: Policy Exception. I have treasured that note for lifetime.

Reflection: That incidence and many similar ones in my early career are not only unforgettable but they shaped the work philosophy and approach for the career that followed.

The years later I spent 20 years with another company. The founder of that company had told us something very profound in the new hire orientation “When something goes wrong, focus on the problem not the person.”

Being in the industry that pushes the envelope and develops state of the art technologies and products, the problems arose on regular basis. Many of them with potential impact of millions of dollars, two with impact in billions, many relatively smaller and most requiring great sense of urgency.

It was so wonderful working with the people who understood that culture. The time was spent finding real solution to the problems. No finger pointing, no stories about people getting fired in the hallways. Focus on Solution not the persons. That company went on to become world’s #1 in its field.

The Bright Side of ‘Humiliation”

Point to Ponder: You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him. -Mokokoma Mokhonoana      (………Or who does not understand what humiliation means)

Story Line: In early seventies, this fellow I know transferred from University in his state to a prestigious Bombay University for the Junior year of college. To his additional joy, he was admitted into the most prestigious Institute amongst many good college options that were available within the Bombay University.

Now the place he came from was not ranked very high amongst Indian Universities. Also the normal medium of communication where he came from was in the regional language except for science and math classes. Bottom Line: He could converse in English, could handle English of science and math classes, but otherwise his vocabulary and written communication were not so good.

In the second week in the institute, he missed the Physics class due to illness. When he returned, he wrote a courtesy note to the professor explaining his absence. He apologized for missing the class previous week and explained the reason: “because I was attacked by Flu.”

The following week some fellow students asked him if he had seen the Institute’s main notice board outside the office of the Director. To his surprise he found his note to the Physics Professor Posted on the notice board with a note from the Director, “This is the level of English from an A (first class) student from Gujarat University.” It was written in big red letters with an arrow pointing to the sentence that said “Because I was attacked by Flu.” Additionally he found an invitation in his mail box from the director. The director said many things but the relevant thing the fellow extracted from a long lecture was that he would need to work extra hard (Improvement Required) to even make it to through the first year.

Reflection:

But that is not this story is about. In two weeks since that incident, almost every student in that small institute knew this new fellow. And to his surprise many approached him, offered help, asked him to join them in cafeteria and introduced him to their circle of friends.

Not a single student made him feel less because of his poor English. For a longtime until they became close, no one brought up what was posted on the Institute’s notice board; and when some did, it was to express their displeasure with the intention of the director. In all honesty, that fellow from Gujarat University was naïve (some may call it dumb) and had not understood the humiliation aspect. He at the time had thought it was a normal procedure for the Institute.

The bright side is that he made many friends in a short time. There are many stories of those memorable two years in the institute. One person in particular, Arun, took him in his inner circle and they helped him integrate in to the life in Bombay. Forty five years later, they all are still good friends.

And it is all started with that letter.

Epilogue: This story often came to my mind during my encounters with Japanese suppliers during early years in Industry. Everytime I visited one supplier, the marketing guy will apologize for his poor English before starting his presentation. When it came to their chief technologist’s turn, he too would get up and apologize for his poor English before going into details. Not once we had trouble understanding or communicating with them. Just for the records, the second person’s discoveries were well known around the world and he was invited to speak at many worldwide conferences; In English Of course. At dinner time in lighter moments I used to remind them of my story and joke “Improvement Required (IR)” but there were no Notice Board postings.

(To The Readers: I am aware I am still IR for my English. I gladly accept and working on it.)

 

Should not have gotten rid of that snake in the first place.

Originally Published on March 3, 2011. Update at the bottom of the document.

Points to Ponder:

All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons and daughters of the earth. Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does it to himself. Chief Seattle/Ted Perry

Sometimes certain jobs/roles in organizations are deemed “less critical” or “not as important” by some people. They are taken for granted without a sound understanding of their place in overall business eco-system. Here is a story from nature that gives some clues to organization leaders and managers.

Cast Of Characters: Zena Doolittle *(Dog), Herron, Snake and Frogs with Koi as bystanders.

 Story Line:

A week ago, my wife and I heard some noises in the backyard. My wife thought it was a frog. We wondered where it came from until yesterday, when the guy who built our pond had called in for a casual chat and I mentioned this strange sound. He told me that the noise was tiny frogs that come in early spring and disappear in May timeframe. He emphasized, “They are part of a healthy eco-system around the fish pond.”

Now a few days later, we got many frogs. It seems that they are multiplying faster than the population of India and China. And now we have one big musical ensemble going on in our backyard. So far I am enjoying the musical (I must be, since I am writing this story at 3:33 AM) but my neighbor who is really sensitive to any kind of noise is not going to be happy. And this time I am helpless. It is Nature’s way.
 
In the past, my dog Zena Doolittle* used to bark around 10 AM. Since the neighbor sleeps late, he asked for a reprieve - and I told Zena to hold barking till noon. She complied, but I do not know any tricks to stop frogs from conducting their seasonal opera.

Now there is this heron that comes in to get the frogs. Zena is very territorial so she goes after the heron and between their chases, the frogs escape harm free.

So, two evenings ago, I asked Zena to go after those culprits (frogs). But she wouldn’t do it. She had an attitude like it was not her job, or the job was too low level (not glory ones like going after heron). This was a case of outright subordination - but I was helpless because, for now, I need her for other jobs. So I tried a trick. I threw the ball in the direction of songs that excited Zena to chase the ball and the frogs seem to quiet down. But it was a short term solution (band aid) because frogs returned to the stage after a few minutes, and I cannot throw ball all night long.

I have one big circus going on in my backyard every day. Such is an irony of nature.

I shared this story with well meaning friends and I have already gotten many suggestions for solving this problem some of which are in the blog section of this article.

 Reflection:

Last summer when I was watering around the pond, I met a strange character. It was a garter snake. I told him that he did not belong in my backyard (not valued). I went to get a stick and a box. He must have seen it coming. By the time I returned with the exit package he was gone.

Now thinking deeper about the whole issue, I realize that if that snake was around, the frogs would not be around too long or won’t make their presence felt loudly as they do now.  As the manager of this pond eco-system I failed to realize the role and importance of each party and broke the strand.

Alas! I should not have gotten rid of that Snake in the first place.

(Update April 5, 2018: After that learning we have accepted Garden Snakes as a part of our extended family and the eco-system is well balanced with Dragon Flies, Mocking birds, Humming Birds, Doves, Ravens, Sparrows, Butteflies, OPossam, Cats and squirrels and no more Frogs.....)

 * We got Zena from Berkeley Humane Society.  During the reference check, the Veterinarian in her English accent told us “she has no manners at all. You have your work cut out Mr. Shah.” So we lengthened her name to Zena Doolittle and I was given responsibility to convert her to well mannered lady (pet).

Your Children Are Not Your Children *

Answers to life's problems lie inside of you. All that you need to do is Look, Listen and Learn.

 POINTS TO PONDER

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. - John Lennon 
 

STORY LINE From Kahlil Gibran's* "The Prophet" 

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

* Kahlil Gibran was a Lebanese American artist, poet and a writer. 

REFLECTION

We wanted to thank everyone for their passionate, insightful, and astute comments regarding reflection - Two Sides of Success .Your differing points of view, thoughtful dialogue, and passionate comments are the best of what Friday Reflections can be. We encourage more dialogue like this. 

    We noticed that many of last week's comments were made by parents. Parents that loved their children, cared for their children, and worried for their futures. Jimmy Chin's story seemed to strike a chord because his story represented one of the greatest fears a parent can have  regarding the child they love - they want a different life than the one a parent has laid out for them. 

    One of the comments left by a concerned mother really hit home. It's a dilemma that many parents face regarding their children - the fear of failure, of harm, and the unknown. Often we forget that we were once that idealistic, passionate child where fear wasn't on the forefront of our minds. This particular reader was observant enough to say:

But then I am the same parent that did not put the Fear of anything in my sons' heads... Then why am I chickening out now? My mother allowed me to come to a foreign country for Grad school - going against all her in laws - who wanted to marry me off to some "suitable" guy. Was her risk taking justified - because - she was allowing me to follow my dream of further education and hence a perceived guaranteed bright future?

It seems that she was once like her own son in wanting a life different than what was expected of her. She didn't know where the roles had switched where her own son, like her, dreamed of a different life. The reader then asked a question that no one but her, her child, and the inevitability of nature can answer. She asked: 

How do you chose which passion/conviction to follow or let follow? When is the "right" time to follow your passions? What are the pre requisites? Mostly I want to know- What should be a parent's role in this or should they be?

      Your comments, and the questions of this concerned parent, got us thinking. It sparked us to post this reflection. 

* Repeat from January 17, 2013. Reader's comments from the original publication also included in this blog.

Adversity introduces a man to himself* -Where Are They Now

 

Floating Fishing Village Tonle Sap Lake Cambodia

Points to Ponder:

“Over time, I have come to respect people who go through all kinds of ups and downs and all kinds of unfair things that happen to them and don’t give up.” Quote attributed to Bill Gates

“World is too big and full of opportunities. If you believe in yourself there is always a room for your talents” Pravin R Shah

Story Line: Where Are They Now?

Over the course of a career or a life, a person encounters many experiences, people and places. Hopefully most of those are good but hardly any journey is complete without encountering difficult and unpleasant ones too. The following short stories of four people are a few amongst many that I have witnessed over time.

Good timber does not grow with ease. The stronger the wind the stronger the trees.

Parent Group VP: “Agree he is good but he does not have any upward track in our department. Why don’t you try for him in the group you support? ”

Group he supports “Yes he has done outstanding job for us, we all like him, but he is not on our payroll. Why don’t you try for him in the parent group?”

Being stuck between the two elephants (no forward path), this highly respected person left the company after 22 years of service.

Now he is a very senior executive of a large global company.

Adversity causes some men to break; the others to break records.

“How old are you? Only 25 and already at this grade level? I was 36 before I got to that level. So don’t get any more ideas for next 10 years.” A new manager of the department in conversation with a young and very high performing employee. The manager failed to understand what drove that young man was tough challenges, constantly raising the bar and respect.

Soon thereafter, the young man left and founded his own company which is thriving and has clients in more than 10 different industries in many geographies.

In times of adversity and change, we really discover who we are and what we’re made of

“You were new to the department. You did not have a track record with us. So you fell of the list.” Manager explaining company actions to 30+ years dedicated employee who had significant contributions throughout his career.

In less than a year after joining a new company, this person was honored by the topmost management of the company for solving a crucial problem that helped in introducing major revenue new product. One of the rewards was: The tickets for Warriors playoff game in a company’s executive box at the arena.

Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that are happening/ and will continue to happen to us.

So many people were surprised when this multi-talented, easy to work with person who had contributed immensely beyond his organizational boundaries for 24 years became victim of “The System”. The System .  Whatever the underlying motives behind the action, this high integrity professional walked out without complaining and with his head high. (Credit to some good humans in the company: Subsequent internal investigation resulted in him being asked to return which he politely turned down)

This fine man is now involved with clients in four different industries in many different lands. His versatility, knowledge and ability to simplify and solve complex issues has impressed his customers.

Reflection:

By dealing with what happened to them with integrity, professionalism and great attitude, these fine individuals have discovered the real world of amazing opportunities and the enormous potential they have within them. They fondly remember their great projects, people associations and experiences, and have stayed away from talking about the scumbuckets or any unfair things or unpleasant experiences about the organization they admired and loved.

Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

“Everything is OK in the end. If it is not OK then it is not the end.” Analisa July 2001

* Title Quote Albert Einstein

Golden Years Life After Work

 

Fiji: Photo by Luisa Go Shah

This is part 1 of the three Friday Reflections. 

Point to Ponder: It is not the change but the transition that was challenging.

Story Line: Two Years ago I said my final goodbye to the “working world” and ventured into phase four of my life (aka Golden Years, Retirement, VanPrasthashrama in Sanskrit).

The vision of what would change (End Result) was clear to me before making the decision: long coffee breaks without worrying about being late for a meeting; the freedom to go places on impulse; mind fully focused on the conversations at hand without being distracted about work issues. In short, my wife and I were going to start living the life we had always imagined when we were young teenagers in love. 

We spent six months travelling to places, meeting people of different cultures and having magnificent experiences.

But after spending 40 years working in and with the fast paced, and high intensity, of the technological industry, the transition into my new life was extremely challenging whenever I was at home; Especially for my family. Even though I could digitally switch off the thoughts about daily work routine and challenges, it was hard to change the internal habits (I mean good habits) wired into me in the industry regarding sound systems, processes and controls. For example, anticipating and preventing issues was a significant part of my work and through the years we had developed an eye for spotting things that could create problems in attaining our goals. 

My trained eye would spot all kinds of potential problems in the home: scattered toys left by my grandchildren that I envisioned would trip unsuspecting people; a small piece of soap left in the bathtub that could lead to a slip; or a fork not positioned properly in the dish drainer that I feared would flip out and fall on one of my grandsons; and so on and on it went. For a short time my family members welcomed suggestions. But when my years of training kept observing many non-compliances then contrary to work where reporting more issues can get some goody drawer items or sometimes even a divisional recognition award, at home more reporting resulted in higher resistance with responses like, “it has not happened before” (can you imagine telling this to the prevention trained person?), or “I thought one of the values at your company was: Assume Responsibility? If you see a problem you own it. Just pick it up and put it in the right place.” 

I shared some safety related prevention issues here but having practiced orderly flows, staying on top of things, risk assessments and contingency planning and so many other similar things, it was hard to detach from ingrained habits. Even during our wonderful travels to many countries, I could not resist noticing safety violations and the urge to intervene which my wife aggressively prevented.

On one occasion when I was on roll about LEAN practices in home, my wife told me, "How do you think I ran this home for 40 years and raised our kids without any of these 'helpful instructions'?”

It was becoming overwhelming for the family. My son in law and daughter nicely pointed out on one occasion that I was a lot more relaxed (better) and fun when I was telling stories than instructing and cautioning as I do now. One day after I had raised the change control and notifications issue about storage of items to my son, he pulled me aside and said “Dad, home is not work. Your behavior is governed by Fear and Control.” He continued “Just relax and enjoy this phase of life. Go with the flow of life.”

“Going with the flow? Are you kidding me?” At work our success depended on staying on top of(Controlling) that flow. I could not understand “Fear and Control” thing either. “Only the Paranoid Survive" was built into our work culture and those, especially if they were in management, who do not appear to be in Control were given constructive feedback during the annual performance review process. 

Reflection: 

But those are only a part of the transition. Our travels to many destinations as well as time spent with family and close friends has been very fulfilling. Grandsons have been a great source of joy and from whom I learn a lot. 

However, after many pleas from my loved ones, and the very people for whom I had retired “to live the life we had imagined” in the first place, I realized as I had said in my final good bye The Final Curtain

The curtain has closed on my previous act and the role(s) I am to play in the next stage of my life will be new and unknown. Like any good actor it's no longer about playing a role but looking to what and who I am independent of the identity that my job had provided me. I didn't always know who that was without the profession and the titles I had been fortunate enough to inhabit in my 40 beautiful years in the industry.

I have started the process of relaxing and ‘Letting Go'. Look to the next two reflections to see how I'm doing! 

Next Week:  Getting certified for a diaper change and awarded preferred supplier by grandson. (The real customer)

And the week after: Flow Flow Flow, however gently through these years.

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.

POINTS TO PONDER: When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves. -Viktor E. Frankl

STORY LINE: This story is about great life learnings from three characters from the movie The Shawshank Redemption.

Brooks went into prison when he was a young man and left 49 years later when he was an old man who had known nothing more than a life behind bars. Upon his release, Brooks finds the world has changed. People move faster. Cars, which he had seen once before going into prison, are everywhere. One nearly runs him over after he is released. The world in Brooks' view, "went and got itself in a big damn hurry." For the remainder of his time as a free man, he finds himself struggling to catch up, finding that he liked life in prison better than life outside of it.

It becomes too much for Brooks and eventually he considers committing another crime to send him back to what he knows best - the federal penitentiary. When he finds he doesn't have the strength to execute another crime to send him back, he takes his own life instead. Above the spot where he hangs himself, Brooks carves, "Brooks was here."

 

Andy is the main character in the film. He is spending back to back life sentences for a crime that he was falsely accused of. He has a clear vision of his future and does not plan to spend all his life behind bars. He gets along well with fellow inmates, demonstrates good work habits, inspires prisoners, assists prison guards and warden with their tax and accounting issues and gains their confidence. But at the same time he is slowly and meticulously planning his escape.

During his time he develops a deep friendship with a fellow named Red with whom he shares his dream. Red has spent most of his life in prison, since teenage years, and every day of his adult life he has deeply regretted his criminal act that sent him to prison. After spending all his adult life in the institution he has become cynical and has no hopes about the future. The following dialogue between Andy and Red shows how each friend thinks about their future.

 

 

One stormy night Andy manages to escape from the prison and proceeds towards the place of his dream. A few years later, Red gets paroled. As part of transition, he is assigned the same lodging that Brooks had spent his last days. Even though he is also finding the outside world hard, the years of friendship and dialogue with Andy seems to have impact on him. He makes a different decision about his future and carves the following words next to Brooks’ words before leaving the hotel room to follow his friend. “Brooks was here, so was Red.”

 

 

REFLECTION: Often we run, hide, and self-destruct in the face of change. Brooks’ scene has always been profoundly sad to me because I never would have thought that prison would be a place that anyone would want to return. But for Brooks, it seems prison is the only place he wants to be because Brooks' prison isn't a place, it's the inability for him to hope and to change. His prison was in his mind.

However Andy’s story has been very inspirational; full of hope, dreams, associated actions and persistence. As he says in one of his chats with Red “Hope is a good thing, may be the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”

Red’s story is about willingness to try and change. Eventhough he had many doubts, he was influenced by his association with Andy and took a positive action instead of giving up.

It makes me think of the things in our lives that are prisons and the reasons we stay within them. When we chose not to change, our inability to adapt can lead to stagnation. Stagnation means no movement. And no movement is akin to death.

We must hope high. We must keep moving. And changing. And growing. We must conquer the prisons we set for ourselves in our mind.

“The world is too big and full of opportunities. If you believe in yourself there is always room for your talents in this wide and wonderful world.” My father’s advice to me when I left home at the age of 15.