Point to Ponder: What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.-Hans Urs von Balthasar, Prayer
About two and half years ago, I wrote a story about a person who inspired us to visit American Samoa and Samoa; two splendidly beautiful, serene places in Polynesia. This reflection is an update about the inspirational life of this genuinely kind person.
Story Line: 
A vintage burgundy corvette pulled up in the front of our home. A tall man with large shoulders slowly climbed out of the compact car and ambled up to our front door. When I answered I was met with a man who was larger than life who, in a very soft and polite voice, introduced himself as Setu Eliapo and informed us that he was told by our friend that we needed someone to keep our garden green. Little did I know that day, that meeting Setu would not only change the vibrance of my garden, but the vibrance of how I saw life itself.
Over 10 years, Setu maintained our garden but on those Wednesdays when he would come I found myself finding reasons to work from home, as I wanted to be there when Setu would arrive for the day’s work. Often, the work took up long time as Setu did not work fast or hurry. He moved in his own time and it was in that time that he saw things as they are and quite possibly as they could be, as evidenced by our flourishing garden. He would work calmly, at his own pace, and with great precision. If my tech driven instincts took over me and I asked for a schedule or results oriented questions, he would smile warmly and say, “Nature doesn’t hurry- don’t stress them out before they have a chance to grow.”
Setu’s life experiences ran deeper than the many seeds he had come to plant in our garden in the ten years he spent with us. We loved our time with Setu, more for the conversations we would have about our lives, our families, and the sense of calm his perspective could bring on any given day. My wife and I would spend hours speaking with him in the garden, and after some time it felt as if the professional relationship that initially connected us had become secondary. Setu was a good, humble, and compassionate man.
Setu would often tell us about his younger days in Samoa; a childhood spent by the ocean filled with daily interactions with friends and family members surrounded by fresh foods and clear spring drinking water in the abundance of nature. There were extended family reunions that took place every three years with 500+ people in attendance, his beautiful village by the ocean and enjoying life day by day.
Setu had always loved sports cars*. In his younger days he enjoyed drag racing and pushing the limits of speed that his cars afforded him. He was proud of the Mustang and Chevy Chevelle he had raced in his youth and the last sports car that he ever owned, the Corvette. Yet in 2012 when the grandmother passed away, and his cousins needed money for funeral expenses in Samoa, Setu sold his beloved Corvette in order to help them. That was Setu, a man who helped those around him without question and he returned to Samoa to be there for others when he was needed. Twice during those years with us he went back home to help; in 2009 when Tsunami had destroyed his hometown and on the second occasion for a family event.
Setu was a brilliant and intuitive man who could relate with any generation and different people. Our two year old grandson loved his cuddling and our teenage nephews could relate with his stories about nature and learn from practical tips about fixing things. Twice during casual chats he found out about problems with our gate and also our plumbing systems, and fixed them. He refused to take any money only until after a lot of insisting on our part. To say Setu was a giving man would be an understatement. On two occasions we saw him helping people on the streets: once an elderly person’s car had stalled and Setu fixed it. On the other occasion, Setu fixed the bicycle of a distraught teenager. Setu gave of himself to others. When he re-landscaped our front yard as his very last project, he planted one Fig and one Maple tree as his gift to us. It still grows tall and even more vibrant today.
In July of 2015 he said his final goodbye to us because he was returning to Samoa to attend to family matters. We were very sad to lose someone who had become a friend, but also glad for him as he would be closer to the family he so often spoke about from his youth. It was fitting of Setu, the kind and gentle man who could speak volumes in his silence, and always gave of himself to others.
Reflection: A Kind Man and A Gentle Giant
Our chats with Setu were the catalyst for my decision to retire early and the main reason for our 23 days trip to Polynesia in 2018. We had hoped to reconnect with Setu in the home of his youth and to see him in one of the places he had held so dear.
While in Samoa/s we had an all-out search bulletin for him; inquiring with our hotel staff, tour guides, and locals to find him. After a few days, one of the tour guides joked, “a Quarter of Samoa has the surname “Eliapos,” so it will take much longer.”☺ We realized that it was quite a feat to try and locate one of the most quiet and humble men in American Samoa. Setu had always held onto his privacy and liked to be more behind the scenes than in front. It’s why we didn’t have any contact info for him when he left- he was like the natural, living world he loved- always changing, ending until they are gone, only to somehow begin again anew. We left Samoa as we had come, with only memories of Setu.
Recently, we found his eldest daughter through Facebook and learnt a lot more about his incredible life story. In late 2015, he had already returned to California when he became a grandfather. He dearly loved his grandson and took care of him. We told her of our stories with Setu and how we tried to find him in Samoa. She revealed to us that he was from the far end of the east side of American Samoa, the only part we had missed during our trip. Such is an irony of fate.
Last month, we were saddened to hear of his passing on October 18th, 2020 but wanted to honor him through the facts of his life and the stories* he leaves behind.
Setu was born in Masefau, American Samoa. He had 11 brothers and sisters. He came to the USA in his early teens. A few years later, he left school and began career in interstate truck driving business which continued for almost three decades until he went into the landscaping business.
His father had started a church in San Jose California and he used to go there every weekend. That’s where he met Ane, a 21-year-old Samoan, who had come to the USA after graduating from Fulton College in Suva, Fiji. They got married when she was 24 and he was 25. In 1987 the family had planned to move to Port Orchard in Washington. On the way they got news that his mom passed away and his extended family needed him. So he returned and stayed in San Jose. His giving and dedication to family knew no bounds.
On big festivals holidays like Thanksgiving, he would cook for the large extended family. After dinner when everybody’s out in the garden sitting and chatting, noticing his daughters inside the kitchen washing dishes, he would immediately run and start helping with dishes, mopping the floor and packing the garbage. On Fridays, he would do laundry, clean floors and do a lot of housework to help out as it was a day before they got ready for Sabbath on Saturday. Setu was a very religious man and deeply involved in rebuilding the church. He was well respected, had a position of reverence in the church and often asked to speak in church services.
Setu and Ane had a very good marriage. He always wanted her to be happy. He had planned a vacation with his wife; a train trip to Washington since she had never been on a train before. Then in February he was going to take the entire family to Australia since they had never been overseas together as a family. A few months before the trip, they received the news that his wife was diagnosed with cancer. That was the first time his daughters saw him crying. He took extremely good care of her; he would brush her hair and feed her. Even two days before he passed away, Setu was still cooking food, mopping floors and taking care of his wife. Sadly, he passed away on October 18th, 10 days before their 36th anniversary.
Even during these times, friends and relatives from all over the USA showed up to say final goodbye to Setu and loved ones from overseas attended services through internet. The memories they shared of Setu tells that his life was truly an example of the service to others with unconditional love. We are blessed that we met such a kind and humble man, and we will forever remember the way he impacted our lives.
Lives of great men all remind us we can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us footprints on the sands of time.
- Longfellow, A Psalm of Life
Video: Incredible Journey from Samoa to San Jose.
*Special thanks to Setu’s daughters Marlene Lesui and Maylynn Fuamatala Eliapo for providing information about his family life and Setu’s photos in above video. Photos of Samoa are from our trip in 2018 inspired by Setu.
And love to my family: Luisa, Rajiv and Analisa for their help in recounting memories and preparation of this reflection.
