Friday Reflections

It's Not Our Problem ...

POINT TO PONDER: A stitch in time saves nine.

A relevant story for current Political, Environmental and Social issues going on in the world.

STORYLINE (and a possible answer...)

Not Our Problem: A Tale from Burma and Thailand, retold by Margaret Read MacDonald

The King sat with his Adviser eating honey on puffed rice.
As they ate they leaned from the palace window and watched the street below.
They talked of this and that.
The King, not paying attention to what he was doing,
Let a drop of honey fall onto the windowsill.
"Oh sire, let me wipe that up," offered the Adviser.
"Never mind," said the King.
"It is not our problem.
The servants will clean it later."

As the two continued to dine on their honey and puffed rice,
The drop of honey slowly began to drip down the windowsill.
At last it fell with a plop onto the street below.
Soon a fly had landed on the drop of honey and begun
His own meal.
Immediately a gecko sprang from under the palace and with a flip
Of its long tongue swallowed the fly.
But a cat had seen the gecko and pounced.
Then a dog sprang forward and attacked the cat!

"Sire, there seems to be a cat and dog fight in the street.
Should we call someone to stop it?"
"Never mind," said the King.
"It's not our problem."
So the two continued to munch their honey and puffed rice.

Meanwhile the cat's owner had arrived and was beating the dog.
The dog's owner ran up and began to beat the cat.
Soon the two were beating each other.
"Sire, there are two persons fighting in the street now.
Shouldn't we send someone to break this up?"
The King lazily looked from the window.
"Never mind.
It's not our problem."

The friends of the cat's owner gathered and began to cheer him on.
The friends of the dog's owner began to cheer her on as well.
Soon both groups entered the fight and attacked each other.

"Sire, a number of people are fighting in the street now.
Perhaps we should call someone to break this up."
The King was too lazy even to look.
You can guess what he said.
"Never mind. It's not our problem."

Now soldiers arrived on the scene.
At first they tried to break up the fighting.
But when they heard the cause of the fight
Some sided with the cat's owner.
Others sided with the dog's owner.
Soon the soldiers too had joined the fight.

With the soldiers involved, the fight erupted into civil war.
Houses were burned down.
People were harmed.
And the palace itself was set afire and burned to the ground.
The King and his Adviser stood surveying the ruins.
"Perhaps," said the King,
"I was wrong?
Perhaps the drop of honey WAS our problem."

From Peace Tales: World Folktales to Talk About. c 1992 Margaret Read MacDonald (North Haven CT: Linnet Books).

In light of current Environmental, Political and Social issues, this FR from July 16,2010 is republihsed.

 

As you think, so you shall reap

POINT TO PONDER: “Each man kills the thing he loves.”-Oscar Wilde 

STORYLINE: Are you a negative thinker? Before you can stop a potentially damaging habit, you must recognize it first. Take a look at these 9 points from David Burns' book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (Avon Books, 1999) and deduce for yourself if you suffer from habitual negative thought:

1. All-or-nothing thinking. Either you are a hero or a failure. Any small or large misstep is a sign that you are a failure. You feel the need to be perfect all the time and when you are not, it feels like something is lacking with you.
2. Overgeneralization. When something bad happens, you believe it will happen again and again.
3. The Mental Filter. You focus on the downside of a situation rather than on the positive. For example, you may have gotten straight A's on your report card in school but feel bad about the one A- you received.
4. Diminishing the positive. When you twist positive events into negative ones. For example, you got a raise but aren't happy because it wasn't a bigger raise.
5. Jumping to conclusions. You always try to predict future trouble. Examples are if someone doesn't return a call, you think they secretly dislike you. If you are happy in a relationship, you think it won't last and the relationship will end down the line.
6. Emotional reasoning. You believe that your mood reflects your self-worth. You feel lousy because you are lousy.
7. 'Should' and 'must' thoughts. You can't stop thinking of things you should or must do, no matter how much you've already accomplished. This also applies to expectations of other people – you expect other people to do things as you think they should.
8. Labeling and mislabeling. You think you are what you do. You are quick to label yourself and others as failures when mistakes are made. You develop a negative self-image and think negatively of others based on constant judgment.
9. Personalization. You take blame for anything that goes wrong, even if it is not your fault.  

REFLECTION: My father used to tell me that we are what we feed our minds. If what we feed is negative – our thinking and behavior will reflect accordingly. Negative thinking is a protective measure designed from past experiences that keep us from future disappointments - by shutting us out from possibilities - and ultimately, our true potential.

If we decide to pursue our dreams, negative thinking can be there every step of the way, manifesting itself in doubt. We question why we chose to walk this path in the first place. Right when we are so close to attaining our goals, right when it just in our grasp – a far more destructive form of negativity often arises – we sabotage our own success. We don't feel worthy of the success that is coming, don't know what to do with it, and the ownership of such a success can become overwhelming.     The solution to overcoming negative thinking is not just in positive thinking. That's why so many repel at the thought of another self-help course. Overcoming negative thinking is a long process, of rewiring your mental and emotional circuitry. And that happens slowly: by recognizing that it is there, isolating it when it happens, making the conscious choice to shift your focus to a new way of thinking, and ultimately, believing the new thoughts you are teaching yourself.    

Positive thinking is far harder than its negative counterpart. Our world is filled with so much disappointment that it is easy to discredit possibilities and positive thought. When someone has achieved a high level of success, we want to tear them down, find the faults and if that is hard to find, we like to label them as an exception to the rule. They are only an exception because they have chosen to believe in themselves no matter what obstacles or disappointments come across their path. Negative thinking would like to suggest that you are not good enough while positive belief suggests that you are capable beyond all measure. It is up to you which you believe.

“Kindness and Consideration of Somebody Besides Yourself Keeps You Feeling Young.” –Betty White

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder:  “My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’” –"Rose Nylund, The Golden Girls"

Storyline:

On New Year’s Eve, beloved television actress Betty White passed away just weeks shy of her 100th birthday.  Widely mourned by audiences everywhere, White’s popularity defied generational boundaries.  With every age and era she seemed to find a new groove, from her roles on such TV classics as The Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Golden Girls to more recent roles in Hot in Cleveland and the movie The Proposal.  In 2010, thanks to a fan-launched Facebook campaign, White became the oldest person to host Saturday Night Live at 88 years old–“the only SNL host I ever saw get a standing ovation at the after party,” former head writer Seth Meyers remarked.

As well as a talented actress and gifted comedian, White was a pioneer, one of the first women to produce and host for radio and television as well as a longtime advocate for animal welfare and an ally for marginalized people.  Her insistence on giving screentime to Black tap dancer Arthur Duncan resulted in the cancellation of The Betty White Show in 1954, and she was outspoken about her support for the LGBT+ community.

And indeed, even after over sixty years, she never seemed to lose her passion.  Every moment she was onscreen, she stole the show, whether she was ribbing her costars or poking fun at herself.  “If one has no sense of humor,” she wrote in her memoir If You Ask Me (And of Course You Won’t), “one is in trouble.” 

Reflection:

There never has been, nor will there ever be, another Betty White.  A sentiment I’ve seen floating around the Internet in the weeks since her passing is that she managed to live such an extraordinary life and bring so much joy to people over the years that nearly everyone agreed that 99 years old was far too soon.

Success in Hollywood is rare; to achieve the longevity Betty White had is unimaginable.  Perhaps one of the reasons she could remain such a powerhouse and hold her own in a famously aging-averse agency was because she’d spent her entire life one step ahead of the times.  Even now, we are only just starting to catch up to where Betty was in the 1950s in terms of her creative control and her acceptance of others.

But the reason she resonated with so many of us, from Gen Xers like my parents to children of the Internet like me, was her humor and her heart.  She was quick-witted, snarky, but always compassionate.  And as Anand pointed out to me while we were drafting this article on Monday, every picture of her radiates joy.  She loved life, and she lived a life full of love: for people, for animals, and for being onscreen, making us laugh.

January 17th would have been her 100th birthday.  On behalf of everyone and all the lives you’ve touched, Betty, thank you for being a friend.

 

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.

The Path of Life Will Be Much Smoother if Each Mile Begins with “S”

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder: “The people whose first instinct is to smile when you make eye contact with them are some of Earth’s greatest treasures.” –DailyGoodQuotes

Storyline: Of the many people Anand’s met and worked with over the years, few have made as big an impression as Xiomara Cedillo.  Every day, employees grabbing their morning coffee or their lunch would be greeted by name and Xiomara’s sunny smile, a gesture that, while small, radiated kindness and positive energy.  People like Anand left the checkout register feeling invigorated, motivated to carry on with their workday.

“I've always believed that a smile is your signature,” Xiomara says.  “You don't need to wear makeup or fancy stuff, a smile will open up any doors for you.  A smile will let you see different points of view.  Take everything with a smile and nothing will be as bad or hard as it seems.”

Growing up in El Salvador, Xiomara had a very social childhood: “In my neighborhood, everyone knew each other,” she says.  “Nothing existed--no electronics, no social media.  We had toys made out of sticks and the tops of soda bottles. It was simple, but I was very happy.”  Xiomara carried that energy with her when she began working in the US, even on days when it wasn’t easy.  “I tried not to let bad days bother me at work,” she says.  “In customer service, you have to put out good vibes and have a good way of looking at things.”  Her positive energy was so widely appreciated by those she met that when her company’s catering contract expired, the employees of the customer’s company requested Xiomara be kept on with the new staff.  Though grateful for the opportunity, Xiomara found staying on difficult when faced with questions about her less fortunate coworkers, and eventually ended up leaving for a new position.

Even after switching jobs, Xiomara has left a lasting impression.  “Of the people I keep in touch with, I remember about 150 names,” she says.  “One person I met started visiting me at my new job and brought me cookies and an Olaf beanie she made me.  Another person invited me and my grandson to spend time with her.  I saw someone from my old job on his birthday, and when I talked to him, he was surprised that I still remembered his name.”

While the pandemic has disrupted these friendly interactions, Xiomara encourages people to remain optimistic.  “Stay positive–I know sometimes it's hard to when you confront a problem or something bad, but just take it easy.  Take it as it goes.  God would not give you anything too hard for you to handle.  Just work it out, take it as a good challenge, and be positive about it.  Whatever comes, just face it.  It's part of life.  If it doesn’t happen the way you expect it, you’ll learn something from it.”

Reflection: Last week we discussed sunsets, and how they act as an opportunity to reflect on the past.  Now, as the sun rises on 2022, it’s important to start the year off right.  A smile can be a beacon of light in times of darkness, and if all of us follow Xiomara’s example, greeting the New Year and those around us with a smile, that light will shine brighter and stronger. 

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.