As you think, so you shall reap

POINT TO PONDER: “Each man kills the thing he loves.”-Oscar Wilde 

STORYLINE: Are you a negative thinker? Before you can stop a potentially damaging habit, you must recognize it first. Take a look at these 9 points from David Burns' book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (Avon Books, 1999) and deduce for yourself if you suffer from habitual negative thought:

1. All-or-nothing thinking. Either you are a hero or a failure. Any small or large misstep is a sign that you are a failure. You feel the need to be perfect all the time and when you are not, it feels like something is lacking with you.
2. Overgeneralization. When something bad happens, you believe it will happen again and again.
3. The Mental Filter. You focus on the downside of a situation rather than on the positive. For example, you may have gotten straight A's on your report card in school but feel bad about the one A- you received.
4. Diminishing the positive. When you twist positive events into negative ones. For example, you got a raise but aren't happy because it wasn't a bigger raise.
5. Jumping to conclusions. You always try to predict future trouble. Examples are if someone doesn't return a call, you think they secretly dislike you. If you are happy in a relationship, you think it won't last and the relationship will end down the line.
6. Emotional reasoning. You believe that your mood reflects your self-worth. You feel lousy because you are lousy.
7. 'Should' and 'must' thoughts. You can't stop thinking of things you should or must do, no matter how much you've already accomplished. This also applies to expectations of other people – you expect other people to do things as you think they should.
8. Labeling and mislabeling. You think you are what you do. You are quick to label yourself and others as failures when mistakes are made. You develop a negative self-image and think negatively of others based on constant judgment.
9. Personalization. You take blame for anything that goes wrong, even if it is not your fault.  

REFLECTION: My father used to tell me that we are what we feed our minds. If what we feed is negative – our thinking and behavior will reflect accordingly. Negative thinking is a protective measure designed from past experiences that keep us from future disappointments - by shutting us out from possibilities - and ultimately, our true potential.

If we decide to pursue our dreams, negative thinking can be there every step of the way, manifesting itself in doubt. We question why we chose to walk this path in the first place. Right when we are so close to attaining our goals, right when it just in our grasp – a far more destructive form of negativity often arises – we sabotage our own success. We don't feel worthy of the success that is coming, don't know what to do with it, and the ownership of such a success can become overwhelming.     The solution to overcoming negative thinking is not just in positive thinking. That's why so many repel at the thought of another self-help course. Overcoming negative thinking is a long process, of rewiring your mental and emotional circuitry. And that happens slowly: by recognizing that it is there, isolating it when it happens, making the conscious choice to shift your focus to a new way of thinking, and ultimately, believing the new thoughts you are teaching yourself.    

Positive thinking is far harder than its negative counterpart. Our world is filled with so much disappointment that it is easy to discredit possibilities and positive thought. When someone has achieved a high level of success, we want to tear them down, find the faults and if that is hard to find, we like to label them as an exception to the rule. They are only an exception because they have chosen to believe in themselves no matter what obstacles or disappointments come across their path. Negative thinking would like to suggest that you are not good enough while positive belief suggests that you are capable beyond all measure. It is up to you which you believe.

Comments

[Comments in the original Publication: July 22,2010]

Good sharing on the 9 points of habitual negative thought. I found that it is very relevant to describe my feeling during my day-to-day activities either at workplace or home. Internal mind conflict management is crucial to ensure we stay on course to the happy life.

Posted by: Kelvin | July 23, 2010 at 01:35 AM

G3B
Awe-inspiring reflection. Those 9 points are quite remarkable. It reminds me of my life 13 years ago. When I moved into this silicon valley cum cosmo city about 13 years back, as a girl from a place which was a half-town and half-village, I had tough time fighting these 9 points. The BKM is talk-to-yourself. I literally mean talking aloud to our ownself. That really helped fighting down these 9 points and I've shared it in many of the sessions including the recent strength finders session that I attended as a team building activity.

Posted by: G3B | July 23, 2010 at 06:27 AM

Fab
We become what we think about! -Earl Nightingale
This is so true and this article has some great points. You know, sometimes we are our own worst enemies. But, we can also our own best allies. And it all starts with a simple thought: believe in yourself! You are a wonderful creature in this world and no one else is like you. Possibilities lie ahead you. You just need to think you can ... and you will!
Great story!!

Posted by: Fab | July 23, 2010 at 09:51 AM

ALK
This was a good one... liked the points..

Posted by: ALK | July 23, 2010 at 10:25 AM

[N]

Love this one and a good reminder now and again. Besides impacting yourself, positive or negative thinking is also contagious to others.

[Phoebe]

As a college student currently attempting to navigate life with minimal parental interference, I needed this.