You Don’t Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to ponder: “Two things remain irretrievable: time and a first impression.” --Cynthia Ozick

Author’s note: Anand and I met at a Kid-to-Work Day nearly two decades ago.  He was my dad’s boss, and when he wasn’t letting me doodle on his whiteboard while he and my dad talked shop, we were having conversations about books I’d read, or trips he’d taken.  Anand and I bonded over a shared love of stories, but where my knowledge came mostly from books, his came from years of experience -- talking to people, traveling the world, making mistakes.

My dad incorporated Friday Reflections into our nightly reading routine, which I admired then for its mixture of fun anecdotes from history and life and admire now for the lessons imbued in each chapter.  Years after those initial bedtime readings, Anand enlisted me to help him bring more of these reflections to life.  In our own reenactment of Tuesdays with Morrie, we meet once a week on Zoom, where he tells me a story and I shape it, much like a gardener pruning a tree.  We approach each conversation from two very different stages in life, one of us looking forward, the other looking back.

In the life cycle of every experience at an organization -- be it school, the workplace, or even a club or Scouting troop -- there are two important endpoints: the time you join, and the time you leave.  Today I’ll be sharing Anand’s thoughts on first impressions, and how to make them count.

Storyline: Early in his career, Anand was sent overseas to manage product engineering and quality operations in Manila.  Despite being technically competent, he lacked the maturity to interact with management -- he knew all the written rules, but not the unwritten ones.

As Anand completed his assignment, a more experienced colleague named Vic provided him with some advice for making a good first impression: When you join a new group or organization, don’t start making big changes right away.  Take the time to observe and get to know your environment -- you’re a newcomer, in an ecosystem with its own way of functioning.  Really gain an understanding of the culture and the relationships between people: who works with who?  What is most important to the organization, particularly to those in charge?  Just as you need to understand the geography of the landscape in order to build a road, you need to understand how your organization works in order to get things done.

By observing his environment, Anand discovered more crucial aspects of making first impressions.  First, don’t talk too much about your past job or previous company -- that’s history.  Success in a new environment depends on being able to adapt to that environment.  Instead of fixating on your previous experiences, spend more time getting to know the people you’ll be working with.  Ask them about what they do, what their priorities are, what excites them -- they’ll know that you’re present and interested in them.

Once you’ve gotten a sense of how the group works, you can start to bring in suggestions from what you’ve learned from previous experiences if you observe any areas that could use improvement, without bringing up the name of your previous organization -- but don’t try to force them.

These lessons became very important to Anand throughout his career.

Reflection: All of us have entered a new environment -- college, the workforce, a club or organization.  Adjusting can be difficult, especially when you’re the sole newcomer in a sea of experienced people who all know each other and have certain habits and routines.  But if you observe and pay attention, like a scientist studying an animal habitat, you can learn something new.

If you transfer to a new university for creative writing, but all you do is compare it to the writing program at your old school, people will wonder why you left in the first place.  Instead, get to know the faculty and your classmates--what drew them to the program, what genres and topics they write, what they’ve learned and what they still want to know.  You don’t have to abandon your old ways entirely, but learning the new ways will make your experience much easier.

Next week, we’ll discuss the importance of leaving lasting memories.

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Comments

[Diana]

I love how the story is laid out and wish I could write as well. It has opened a window for me to explore.

[City]

Real life experience of exercising Seek first to understand, then to be understood".Excellent job Phoeba for assisting this wise man to organise his thought into a nice story line ... which not a simple task 😜

[Bobby]

Beautifully written Phoebe. I have always remembered you for your scrumptious kid-to-work day cookies. Now, I will always think of you as a wonderful writer. Loved your entertaining Author's note - it really sparked my interest and helped me better absorb the valuable advice offered in the Storyline and Reflection sections. Thank you. Looking forward to read more of your friday reflections!

[Prasad Vepa]

Your Octoberfest Vimeo is very nice to watch, Anand!
I loved Phoebe Pineda’s FR post. It is fresh, sincere, honest and from the heart. She has a breezy and natural style of relating and writing. I see a great future for her in writing and wish her the very best. I’m happy to share my feedback with her and you.

[Vincent]

Phoebe, very well written. Keep up the good work! 👏

[sujat]

This is really useful...., i think, not only when in a new organisation, but in case of one-to-one relationships too. Paving an effective and smooth "road" does require familiarising with understanding the "geography" and the "climate" of each mind being dealt with.

I really like the analogy of the scientist observing and understanding the behavioural patterns in a new animal habitat! 😊 Amusing, but true.

Thank you for sharing these insightful experiences and lessons, Anand kaka. I will keep in mind and try to implement them consciously. 🙏

Dear Phoebe, i like how you have imparted flow to this whole draft. The introductory author's note in particular, is what I found to be a sincere and honest expression subtly infused with a light and humorous element. I wish you the best with your studies in writing, with your work, with your explorations in art, and with life. :)

[micro CEO]

Thanks Phoebe for your lucid recounting of her experience growing up under Anand's umbrella of colleagues and friends.Writing is a powerful tool and a great field to study. Hope to see more of her opus in the future.

Knowing "all the written rules but not the unwritten ones" has the unmistakeable ring of truth for me. Surely this describes the experiences of many a young, ambitious engineer with superior technical skill and confidence but undeveloped social EQ. Anand shared much of his wisdom with his colleagues and even their children. Thus I am happy to see his legacy perpetuated, long beyond his retirement.

The hardest thing of all to convince others (even one's own family!) and to motivate them to follow one's lead through changing circumstances.
Frustrated managers complain that "good help is hard to find". Yet, employees are wary of how quickly new managers come and go, with their new strategies and drastic programs that generate much hype (and friction) but little value. Faulty first impressions can be overcome, but only with sincere efforts and care, rather than academic arrogance.

Lao Tzu wrote, many centuries ago, of good leadership: "When his task is accomplished and his work done, the people all say, ‘It happened to us naturally.’(DC Lau's translation of Tao Te Ching)
This line is what comes to mind when I think of Anand.

[OS Low]

Phoebe, great writeup. Enjoy reading it. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work..

[FE-Japan]

Wonderful tips, Anand! Good collaboration you have with Phoebe!😊

[Thomas]

Thank you for the wonderful piece of writing, Phoebe! Reminds me of my favorite of the 7 Habits: "First seek to understand, then to be understood."

[A Former Quality Guy]

Phoebe - Bravo! A very well written article. You add a refreshing spin on a previous FR with your own experiences and insights. These stories are ageless, and it is great to see your interpretation of them. Much success to you in your studies, and I'm looking forward to reading your future articles.

[Analisa]

Great article! I love the visual of having two people - one reflecting and the other looking forward. Such a wonderful way to set the tone and introduce the image of the beautiful discussions.

And such a great reflection on how moving forward requires us to not stay in the past too much but work with our present :-)

[Ryan]

Very well written! While I've heard some of these stories directly from Anand over the years, you've done a great job framing them and really bringing the point home. As I look back at joining my current company, and changing jobs within it, I wish that I had kept some of these lessons more in mind (it's a bad habit I have of bringing up lessons I learned from my old company too soon, or naming the company specifically). Looking forward to the next Friday Reflections!

[Neil]

Wonderfully written and a great story/lesson! In consulting too, I tend to take the approach of “meet the customer where they are and help them get where they need to be” instead of trying to beat them over the head immediately with “all of the things they are doing wrong”.

[humble warrior]

wonderful color here, thank you! This is timely and helpful for my current journey of learning web3, thank you!

[chiaoju]

Great article and the reflection is definitely on point. First impressions are so important because I don’t think we ever really forget the first time we meet someone. As much as we say, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, we do try and make the most out our first meeting with another individual. And sometimes, that one chance to make a first impression may be a make it or break it situation; interviewing for a job, pitching for a business, asking a girl out on a date, etc.

You are definitely on point about the reflection; to be observant of the environment, to pay attention to details to learn something new. However, it may not be something entirely easy to do. With ego and fear living within us, some of the decisions we make may be a result of it. I guess it all boils down to what sort of ‘first impression’ we want to make because you’re right, we don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

Can’t wait for next week’s reflection.

[Sam]

Great article Phoebe. You have an amazing story teller to work with. I believe the future will be for folks who can communicate and change lives through their writing. Great start in your writing journey for Friday Reflections. Here's to many more pearls of wisdom.

[SH]

Very nice story. Thank you for sharing. First impression is very important for job interview, customer meeting, supplier meeting, new family / relative get together, and even with old friend reunion. Nice first impression will open up unlimited possibilities.

[Elizabeth Wu]

Superb how it is explain and written “You Don’t Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression “

[PT]

Thank you for sharing the story.
Very useful. Looked through the Friday Reflection website, looks very professional.

[YBLim]

Anand, you are so kind and encouraging to keep FR on with “think out of box” approach❤️!
Phoebe, great write up and I enjoy reading it and learn…be like scientists analyze the habitat when enter in new environment. Keep up the superb work!

[Cari Shim]

Phoebe, Anand sure knows how to pick special talent, especially to share his precious memories and lessons! Beautifully written and enjoyed it very much! Looking forward to future ones!

[Thad]

Phoebe, excellent FR. Thanks for working with Anand to keep these great reflections and learning sharing ongoing.

[kf]

Great FR. Thanks, Anand and Phoebe for continuing this effort and sharing experiences. Looking forward to many more to come.

[Gabriela Thompson]

I am glad I met Anand after having learned this lesson in my life. Anand was not the kind of Director I would have appreciated earlier in my career but I remember some of my coworkers needed help transitioning to his leadership style. Memories of those early days in MQ are always with me.

Today, I think the lessons shared above need to be applied if you’re new or the longest member of the organization, hearing about better old days is not productive.

Phoebe you are in my memory, as a girl from a school picture your dad had in his office… It’s great to meet you at a new stage in your life.

[HEDDA ROBINSON]

It was a great write up, Phoebe. I may have not met you but you are in the right path to success. Keep up the good work. Meeting Anand made me think of his wide expertise of his trade and travels. I learned about friendship and culture. I would like to follow the saying-the past is history. In regards to work, you move on, adapt new environment and new strategy and not like, "I used to do this and that" but the truth is it might not work out to the current situation.

Thanks.

[BonBon]

Nice! I enjoyed the 2 perspectives. Phoebe looks to be a thoughtful and articulate young woman. Looking forward to future FR from you both! :)

[Penang Friend]

As one of your FR lessons, things shared are never lost. Glad to see Phoebe as great successor.

[Mary Abel]

This is a great write up and I love the two views being used. I have experienced that even a seasoned member of a team can be new when new management changes the business around them. At that point one has to seek to understand the change and then how to adapt to stay relevant. The old ways are no longer relevant; one must adapt to stay relevant if to survive in an ever changing industry.

One must be ready to change the paper before the ink drys. This is what Anand would tell me when I worked form him years ago. So too must one change his ways to keep up with all the younger generations trying to make their way in the new jobs given all the new technologies now available.

I love Friday reflections. I would have posted this earlier but I have been recovering from having COVID over the past 17 days. Thankfully I am almost recovered.

[madhuri]

Phoebe- I like your note. You have a fresh style of writing. Loved the Gardner analogy. I look forward to more of these Friday reflections- on lessons from the past and its relevance to the future.
Anand- I believe that every experience we have is part of the great path which we cannot know in advance.- but somehow all connects together. Here is proof!

There is a saying in hindi 'Jaisi karni Vaisi bharni' or 'As you sow- shall you reap'.
Anand-you sowed the seeds of storytelling in your son and daughter and now in your friend's kids! Way to go :)

Ray- Congratulations- proud dad !

[Nilima]

Sorry for late reply. But I am highly impressed by the way it is mentioned that when you are in a new job or group, never boast about your experiences but understand new people , new environment and slowly share your experiences to get good results