POINT TO PONDER
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -MAYA ANGELOU
STORYLINE- by Rajiv ShahLet's try an experiment. I want you to turn the lights down. Sit back, close your eyes (only after you read what to do!) and try to relive your first important job interview.
What do you remember of the interviewer? Where did you go? Which company was it for? Did you prepare? What did you eat before? Did you eat at all? What were you wearing? What were they wearing? What did you both talk about? How did it end? What did you do when you got home?
And two final questions: how did you feel while you were on the interview and how did the interviewer make you feel?
Now turn on the lights, sit back upright and let's go over what you came up with. How many details did you remember? What was stronger; the details and specifics of the interview or how you were feeling? For me, and I'm betting a lot of you, the remembering how you felt was strongest. Please let me know in the feedback this week which was strongest.
REFLECTION
I recently saw an incredible film titled, “Waltz with Bashir” that talked about a study performed to test human response to memory. According to the film, a psychological test was given to a group of people showing ten various childhood images of them. Nine of these images were really from their childhood, the tenth being a fabrication - their picture pasted (photoshop)into a photo with a background of a fairground they had never visited.
Eighty percent of the subjects recognized themselves in the fake photo and believed that they had really gone to that fairground. The other twenty percent couldn't fully remember but when shown the picture a second time, the subjects claimed that they now remembered the image. What was astonishing was that both groups eventually linked an emotional attachment to the photo stating things about the photo being, “such a wonderful day at the park with my parents.”[1]
According to the film, “memory fills the holes (in ones memory) with things that never happened.” Based on this test, and possibly our experiment, what seems to be most important aren't the details of the memory itself - often we will make them up based on emotion - but how a given memory, event, or person makes us feel as Maya Angelou claims.
CITATIONS:
1 & 2. Folman, Ari. Waltz with Bashir. Sony Pictures Classics, 2008.
What one says goes through ears to brain for processing, what one does goes through eyes to brain for processing while what and how one feels goes to heart. That makes all the difference.
Rajiv;
Good Story. Years ago I gave one book to your Dad. It is called The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. There is a powerful quote from the book which is appropriate to share for your reflection.
"It is only with one's heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
You may have read this book. If you have not, it is worth a few hours of time. SM
Great Quote by Maya Angelou. This FR brings back memories of so many memorable encounters in my life. Let me share one for now and will share more later: In April 1984, I attended a conference about Quality. The keynote speaker for the event was Robert Noyce, co-inventor of Integrated Circuit (micro-chip) and founder of Fairchild and Intel. During the cocktails event before dinner my superior introduced me to Bob Noyce. He was very polite and spent most of the time inquiring about my background and made me feel so important that at one point I felt that I was the celebrity. As he was moving on to greet the next person, I asked him if he had any advice for me. He said " Young man, if you want to be successful in this industry, be ready to change a document before the ink is dry." I have never forgotten how he made me feel and also his advice.
Good and Bad memory both memorable.
When my wife's brother pass away, I need to spend time with her. I go to inform my boss that I need time off. He told me "Your wife's brother was overseas. Why do you need time off? I know he did not mean bad but not sensitive to what he said. 30 years pass and I cannot forget.
What I remember about my first interview? It was at 8AM. He took me to canteen and bought chai and snacks with his own money. Knowing that I was nervous, he made me feel at ease, starting with softer subjects. Later, when he called me to inform me that they had selected another candidate who was more suited for that job, he also informed me that his friend in another company had a job for my qualifications and if I would be interested. Yes, I got that job and I have not forgotten that kind man.
This was an instant hit, hit me directly in the heart and mind to choose words and actions carefully when communicating with everyone and anyone.
I agree feelings are much more powerful force within us versus the analytical/logical mind. I am reading the book "Switch: How to change when change looks hard" and it puts our feelings as the size of an elephant and our analytical mind as the rider on that elephant.
Thanks for sharing this. I think this is very true. I shall post it on my cube.
I needed to gather some information for a project during my Junior year in High School. My mom told me that Hewlett Packard was engaged in that area. I did not know any one at that company except the names of the founders. So I made a cold call to Mr. Packard's office. His assistant was polite and asked me the reason I wanted to interview Mr. Packard.
To my surprise she called me back a day later and gave me an appointment with Mr. Packard.
I will never forget that meeting. He was very courteous. He came to the door of his office to greet me, sat down in the chair only after I had taken my seat and inquired about my project. He gave me valuable information in those 30 precious minutes. While I was leaving, he walked to the door with me, shook my hands and said "Thanks for coming" and wished success on the project.
He was as tall as a mountain but as calm and humble as an ocean.
I had moved from my local language medium school in my home town to a college in larger town where the medium of instructions was English.
I wrote a letter of apology to Mr...., my college principal, for missing a meeting with him due to illness. He red marked spelling and composition errors and then posted my letter on the college notice board with a note: This is the level of English from a person who came with A grade rating from another province. Ridiculed me and my province in public.
I do not have any grudges against him. Later his daughter and I became very good friends. But that experience made me stronger. I have been very successful in my life, despite my handicaps in many areas.
Ah, a Memorial Day test! It's all relative (another senior moment to me). It's been so long ago; I can't even remember my first date or first kiss, etc.! All I remember is that I got the job.
Perhaps, it is for the better this way as there are more important things in my life now than "first" of anything. For instance, what the future world is like for the younger generations and what can I contribute. Sometimes we just need to forget and forgive in order to "Move-on". It's all relative; "happiness is ......".
As always, I enjoy the FR. Please keep it coming and thanks. Wishing everyone a great Memorial Day.
Rajiv,
Good thought provoking article. Your quote from Maya Angelou is very true for my particular case. One of the interviers for my first job after college was your Dad, Anand. I don't fully remember the details, but I do remember that his interview was different from the others. The other interviewers would ask me questions about subjects that I had studied, but Anand and I had a conversation, similar to the type that you would strike up at a cocktail party. At the time I thought this was odd, but many years later after I started conducting interviews myself, I realized that he was conducting a behavioral interview. He wasn't looking for whether I knew my facts, but was assessing how I would get along with the others in the group, whether I was trainable, and whether I had the right state of mind to succeed. I must have passed the interview because I was hired. And that was the start of a long friendship.
I was interviewing for an internship at a high-tech company. I borrowed my brother's suit to accompany my long-sleeve shirt and tie. I borrowed my roommate's car that had no AC on a really warm day.
I signed in at the lobby, then was greeted by the hiring manager. He was wearing nice slacks with a long-sleeve shirt and tie. Upon entering the conference room, I was introduced to a peer of the hiring manager, very friendly and all-smiles. He was wearing nice slacks with a long-sleeve shirt but no tie. Next to him was their boss, very friendly with fatherly mannerisms. He was wearing a short-sleeve shirt and blue denim pants. Everything else is a blur.
I expected formal but was met with casual. Confusion probably sums up how I felt during and immediately after the interview. I was hired, so I must have said something they liked.
Posted by: California Guy | May 31, 2010 at 08:41 PM