Friday Reflections

WE RISE BY LIFTING OTHERS

Khalil Gibran memorial across Boston Public library. Photo By Luisa Shah

Point to Ponder: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. - Khalil Gibran

Story Line: I accepted an offer from Intel Corporation in March of 1984. Soon after joining the Arizona Campus, I had my first meeting with the new hire integration program manager. She informed me that as part of their new hire integration program, I would be assigned a buddy, veteran employee, to help my smooth integration into the unique culture of the company. To that, I requested Jon Slusser as my buddy, the very person who had convinced me to join the company.

She politely explained that it was not possible because Jon Slusser, a senior manager, was a very busy man and the normal process involved the company assigning a buddy depending on the level of the new hire. New hires typically did not get to select their buddy. I asked if she might consider my request. She called later and happily informed me that Jon had said, “I would be glad to.” 

From what I heard later, she brought up my request, more in jest, during the executive staff meeting. As mentioned, Jon ended up accepting and thus began my relationship with Jon Slusser. Jon not only helped me integrate into the company but also continued to be a mentor and a friend even long after I had left the company.

Initially, during our 1:1 meetings we discussed many subjects. A few of the many things I learned from him were; establishing proper systems and structure to prevent problems down the road, essence of constructive confrontation, in certain situations how to ‘agree to disagree’ but not make it personal and go and have a beer with the other person, how to extract positive learnings from seemingly negative situations, even people who are higher up or seem very successful have also fallen flat on their …. And how they got up and rose again, accepting feedback and extracting improvement opportunities from performance reviews and how to energize and enlist people for your vision.

But what I found most amazing was the way he answered my questions. He would share personal experiences of success and failures from his career and in some cases from life outside work. He was very candid and at times would say things that one wouldn’t expect to hear from people; especially ones in the upper echelons of the corporate hierarchy. He was very open in sharing his failures, mistakes, and their consequences. In the competitive world, people are advised not to expose their weaknesses, air out their dirty laundry to outsiders, and open up about their vulnerabilities. I came out of those meetings feeling energized and reaffirmed- realizing that I was not the only one having similar problems- as Jon, such senior level person, had also been through such challenges and shared how he had overcome them. 

Reflection: The most profound lesson I learned from Jon is that sharing our failures is not a weakness. It is a strength when we learn from failures and when they motivate others to persevere. For stories of success we often look to famous people's stories but often the stories that truly stick originate from someone who is directly in our sphere of work and life.

Having adopted this philosophy in my life, and candidly sharing my triumphs and tragedies with friends, coworkers and family through the years has been enlightening. One cannot change his/her past but if it can help change someone's future, then the, “Things that are given away are never lost.”

 

 

 

A bend in the road is not the end of the road….Unless you fail to make the turn*

Point to Ponder: Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did – Steve Jobs

Story Line: July 10, 1979, Oakland Coliseum. It was the very first concert in my life; courtesy of my wife who had introduced me to western music since the first time we met. The performers were Bee Gees, three brothers who composed, produced and recorded the songs. In the previous three years they had six consecutive #1 singles on the Hot 100 charts; Saturday Night Fever and Spirits Having Flown being the last two of those six.

They entertained the packed audience with many of their famous songs and also introduced their youngest brother (4^th) Andy who also participated and enchanted the audience with his beautiful voice. Not one person in the coliseum that night could have known how an event two days later in Comiskey Park in Chicago will impact Bee Gees and alter the course of their career.

Yesterday while watching the newly released documentary about Bee Gees, I leaned details about that event.

Disco Demolition Night: A Bend in the road….

**In the late 1970s, dance-oriented disco was the most popular music genre in the United States, particularly after being featured in hit films such as Saturday Night Fever (1977). However, disco sparked a major backlash from rock music fans—an opposition prominent enough that the White Sox, seeking to fill seats at Comiskey Park during a lackluster season, engaged Chicago shock jock and anti-disco campaigner Steve Dahl for the promotion at the July 12 doubleheader. Admission was discounted to 98 cents for attendees who turned in a disco record; between games. White Sox officials had hoped for a crowd of 20,000, about 5,000 more than usual. Instead, at least 50,000—including tens of thousands of Dahl's adherents—packed the stadium, and thousands more continued to sneak in after gates were closed. Dahl blew up the collected records.**

Additionally, some conservative groups disliked that Disco fans were pushing for agendas for gender equality, civil rights and gay rights. They vehemently opposed and preached against Disco culture and performers. That resulted in major backlash, many radio stations dropped Bee Gees from their playlists, death threats followed and fallout in their career.

….and taking turn

Music is what Bee Gees loved since childhood. They wrote their own songs. Performing on stage was a vehicle to bring their feelings to the audiences. With the stage career declining, but their love and passion still burning strong, they decided to write songs for other known artists. The songs and albums they created for Barbra Streisand, Dionne Warwick, Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, Diana Ross and other artists became top hits; and Bee Gees stayed true to the theme of their famous song Staying Alive.

Not the end of the road - Comeback.

In 1987, Bee Gees released their first album in six years- E.S.P.-which sold over 3 million copies. That was a resurgence of their career. For the next 16 years, they kept performing until the brother Maurice died unexpectedly due to surgery complication. For six decades they entertained people around the world with their songs.

Reflection: I was introduced to Bee Gees songs in 1978 by my childhood pen-friend then and now my wife. Through the years I have enjoyed their songs. But I did not know much about their life until I saw the recently released HBO documentary The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart.

Bee Gees had many up and downs in their career. What kept them going was their love for music and flexibility to take an appropriate turn. The title of the documentary is very fitting in the sense that the song How Can You Mend A Broken Heart was written at another inflexion point in their career. After phenomenal success throughout 1960s, they had split up in 1969 because of disagreements. But their love for each other was stronger than the differences and they couldn’t stay apart too long. They reunited and created songs that represented their time away: Lonely Days and How Can You Mend A Broken Heart which reached top in the charts in 1971.

Three younger brothers (Andy, Maurice and Robin) have passed away longtime ago . At the end of the movie Barry talks about how much he misses them. He says that he would trade all the hit songs for them to be here now.

Bee Gees singing How can you mend a broken heart after Reunion:

 

*Quote from Helen Keller

**Source: Wikipedia

One Person Who Was There For Every Single Person

Point to Ponder: What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.-Hans Urs von Balthasar, Prayer

About two and half years ago, I wrote a story about a person who inspired us to visit American Samoa and Samoa; two splendidly beautiful, serene places in Polynesia. This reflection is an update about the inspirational life of this genuinely kind person.

Story Line:  A vintage burgundy corvette pulled up in the front of our home. A tall man with large shoulders slowly climbed out of the compact car and ambled up to our front door. When I answered I was met with a man who was larger than life who, in a very soft and polite voice, introduced himself as Setu Eliapo and informed us that he was told by our friend that we needed someone to keep our garden green. Little did I know that day, that meeting Setu would not only change the vibrance of my garden, but the vibrance of how I saw life itself.

Over 10 years, Setu maintained our garden but on those Wednesdays when he would come I found myself finding reasons to work from home, as I wanted to be there when Setu would arrive for the day’s work. Often, the work took up long time as Setu did not work fast or hurry. He moved in his own time and it was in that time that he saw things as they are and quite possibly as they could be, as evidenced by our flourishing garden. He would work calmly, at his own pace, and with great precision. If my tech driven instincts took over me and I asked for a schedule or results oriented questions, he would smile warmly and say, “Nature doesn’t hurry- don’t stress them out before they have a chance to grow.”

Setu’s life experiences ran deeper than the many seeds he had come to plant in our garden in the ten years he spent with us. We loved our time with Setu, more for the conversations we would have about our lives, our families, and the sense of calm his perspective could bring on any given day. My wife and I would spend hours speaking with him in the garden, and after some time it felt as if the professional relationship that initially connected us had become secondary. Setu was a good, humble, and compassionate man.

Setu would often tell us about his younger days in Samoa; a childhood spent by the ocean filled with daily interactions with friends and family members surrounded by fresh foods and clear spring drinking water in the abundance of nature. There were extended family reunions that took place every three years with 500+ people in attendance, his beautiful village by the ocean and enjoying life day by day.

Setu had always loved sports cars*. In his younger days he enjoyed drag racing and pushing the limits of speed that his cars afforded him. He was proud of the Mustang and Chevy Chevelle he had raced in his youth and the last sports car that he ever owned, the Corvette. Yet in 2012 when the grandmother passed away, and his cousins needed money for funeral expenses in Samoa, Setu sold his beloved Corvette in order to help them. That was Setu, a man who helped those around him without question and he returned to Samoa to be there for others when he was needed. Twice during those years with us he went back home to help; in 2009 when Tsunami had destroyed his hometown and on the second occasion for a family event.

Setu was a brilliant and intuitive man who could relate with any generation and different people. Our two year old grandson loved his cuddling and our teenage nephews could relate with his stories about nature and learn from practical tips about fixing things. Twice during casual chats he found out about problems with our gate and also our plumbing systems, and fixed them. He refused to take any money only until after a lot of insisting on our part. To say Setu was a giving man would be an understatement. On two occasions we saw him helping people on the streets: once an elderly person’s car had stalled and Setu fixed it. On the other occasion, Setu fixed the bicycle of a distraught teenager. Setu gave of himself to others. When he re-landscaped our front yard as his very last project, he planted one Fig and one Maple tree as his gift to us. It still grows tall and even more vibrant today. 

In July of 2015 he said his final goodbye to us because he was returning to Samoa to attend to family matters. We were very sad to lose someone who had become a friend, but also glad for him as he would be closer to the family he so often spoke about from his youth. It was fitting of Setu, the kind and gentle man who could speak volumes in his silence, and always gave of himself to others.

Reflection: A Kind Man and A Gentle Giant

Our chats with Setu were the catalyst for my decision to retire early and the main reason for our 23 days trip to Polynesia in 2018. We had hoped to reconnect with Setu in the home of his youth and to see him in one of the places he had held so dear.

While in Samoa/s we had an all-out search bulletin for him; inquiring with our hotel staff, tour guides, and locals to find him. After a few days, one of the tour guides joked, “a Quarter of Samoa has the surname “Eliapos,” so it will take much longer.”☺ We realized that it was quite a feat to try and locate one of the most quiet and humble men in American Samoa. Setu had always held onto his privacy and liked to be more behind the scenes than in front. It’s why we didn’t have any contact info for him when he left- he was like the natural, living world he loved- always changing, ending until they are gone, only to somehow begin again anew. We left Samoa as we had come, with only memories of Setu.

Recently, we found his eldest daughter through Facebook and learnt a lot more about his incredible life story. In late 2015, he had already returned to California when he became a grandfather. He dearly loved his grandson and took care of him. We told her of our stories with Setu and how we tried to find him in Samoa. She revealed to us that he was from the far end of the east side of American Samoa, the only part we had missed during our trip. Such is an irony of fate.

Last month, we were saddened to hear of his passing on October 18th, 2020 but wanted to honor him through the facts of his life and the stories* he leaves behind.

Setu was born in Masefau, American Samoa. He had 11 brothers and sisters. He came to the USA in his early teens. A few years later, he left school and began career in interstate truck driving business which continued for almost three decades until he went into the landscaping business.

His father had started a church in San Jose California and he used to go there every weekend. That’s where he met Ane, a 21-year-old Samoan, who had come to the USA after graduating from Fulton College in Suva, Fiji. They got married when she was 24 and he was 25. In 1987 the family had planned to move to Port Orchard in Washington. On the way they got news that his mom passed away and his extended family needed him. So he returned and stayed in San Jose. His giving and dedication to family knew no bounds.

On big festivals holidays like Thanksgiving, he would cook for the large extended family. After dinner when everybody’s out in the garden sitting and chatting, noticing his daughters inside the kitchen washing dishes, he would immediately run and start helping with dishes, mopping the floor and packing the garbage. On Fridays, he would do laundry, clean floors and do a lot of housework to help out as it was a day before they got ready for Sabbath on Saturday. Setu was a very religious man and deeply involved in rebuilding the church. He was well respected, had a position of reverence in the church and often asked to speak in church services.

Setu and Ane had a very good marriage. He always wanted her to be happy. He had planned a vacation with his wife; a train trip to Washington since she had never been on a train before. Then in February he was going to take the entire family to Australia since they had never been overseas together as a family. A few months before the trip, they received the news that his wife was diagnosed with cancer. That was the first time his daughters saw him crying. He took extremely good care of her; he would brush her hair and feed her. Even two days before he passed away, Setu was still cooking food, mopping floors and taking care of his wife. Sadly, he passed away on October 18^th, 10 days before their 36th anniversary.

Even during these times, friends and relatives from all over the USA showed up to say final goodbye to Setu and loved ones from overseas attended services through internet. The memories they shared of Setu tells that his life was truly an example of the service to others with unconditional love. We are blessed that we met such a kind and humble man, and we will forever remember the way he impacted our lives.

Lives of great men all remind us we can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us footprints on the sands of time.

- Longfellow, A Psalm of Life

 

Video: Incredible Journey from Samoa to San Jose.

*Special thanks to Setu’s daughters Marlene Lesui and Maylynn Fuamatala Eliapo for providing information about his family life and Setu’s photos in above video. Photos of Samoa are from our trip in 2018 inspired by Setu.

And love to my family: Luisa, Rajiv and Analisa for their help in recounting memories and preparation of this reflection.

Keep Your Garden Green

POINT TO PONDER

The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it. -Theodore Roosevelt

Part 1 of two parts series: Next week: One Person Who Was There For Every Person....from Samoa to Silicon Valley.

Keep Your Garden Green was originally published on October 28,2011. 

STORYLINE

My neighbor came by my house the other day and asked if I could recommend my gardener to her. Apparently she had a hard time retaining them, explaining that her gardeners never arrived consistently or at the same time. She would follow them in the garden as they worked, barking instructions as they went and many would quit on her. She needed a gardener she could rely on and asked if I would recommend mine. She liked the job he did with our landscaping, as do I, and asked if I could pass along his number.

I said I surely would - that I had been very happy with his work - but that my gardener might not fit the criteria she wanted. She asked me if he was punctual. I said I wasn't sure. She asked me when he comes to garden and I said I didn't know. Most of the time he came to work on the garden when it needed it. I admitted there were weeks when he didn't come because he felt there was no work to be done. She asked if he stayed the full hour and I said I didn't keep track of that.

She asked me how I could stick with a gardener like him for so long. I responded that I allow him to complete the job in whatever way he chooses. Then she asked me how I could tolerate that and didn't manage him more closely. I said I didn't need to - I trust his skills as a gardener - and that he knows what he is doing, “because at the end of the day, he keeps my garden green.”

REFLECTION: Wisdom of the Ages from Senior Rockefeller.

Three mistakes a leader/manager should avoid:

        1.Having good people and not know them.

        2. Knowing good people and not use them.

        3. Using good people and not trust them.