The Second Act

POINT TO PONDER

"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place." 

                                -Unknown    

 

REFELCTION by Rajiv Shah

I want to ask you some questions this week. How did you end up where you are right now? How many of you feel you are exactly where you need to be? How many of you feel that you are wanting to reach for something more? How many of you feel that what you do for a living defines who you are? I ask because I used to set yearly goals. I used to do a vision board. Then somewhere along the way I realized that my plan was not the plan life had in store for me. 

I started out wanting to be an actor. I set goals every year - how many shows I wanted to be cast in, how many films I was hoping to book, and I strategized how to leverage those goals into better roles down the road. I worked my ass off.

I did everything to make my goals a reality. I gave up on relationships (thinking commitment would get in the way of future work), I worked long hours (often on projects I wasn't really passionate about), and I pumped more money than I had into getting myself where I thought I needed to be. 

Then in 2006, I found myself out of work, not acting, broke, and a bit depressed. I didn't know what to do. Acting wasn't panning out but I decided that I needed to push harder. I believed my lack of success was because I wasn't working hard enough. There were people working harder than me and ultimately giving up more than me to achieve their goals. But to be honest, I found the harder I worked, the worse I felt. I was lost. 

So I started writing.

I had to be creative and I always liked to write, so I figured I'd give it a shot even though I had never taken a screenwriting class in my life. I wrote a screenplay, not because I wanted to be a writer, but because I wanted to act in what I created. That was my "goal", and just to be clear, that goal didn't pan out in the end either.

However, the more I wrote, the more I found that I liked it and I had something to say. There was a simplicity to it, a clear channel where I could express my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. It was easy. Fluid. All I had to do was sit down, open my computer, and the words came pouring out of me. I never considered myself a writer or had any plan on doing anything with it. I simply enjoyed it and without forcing myself, I kept on going to the library and let the story tell itself. All I had to do was let my fingers fly over the keyboard for a couple of hours and that was it. Not much more to it than that. I had no clue whether the writing was good or bad and frankly I didn't much care. If it was bad writing, so what? I just wanted to be honest. It was an attiude I didn't have as an actor where all I was concerned about was how "good" I was.

Since then I've found that I do more writing now than acting. I held on so long to what I thought I was: an actor. Even after I sold my first script, I didn't consider myself a writer, and in ways, I still don't. But for some reason I can't explain, I continually do it. For a long time it baffled me why I found "success" in something I never planned on or wanted in the first place. Then I realized it doesn't matter what I want.

It doesn't matter how many goals I set or how I want to define myself. I'm more than that. Once I let go of the things I thought I should have and the places I believed I should be, my whole life opened up for the better. But why? Because for the first time, I didn't have a plan and I was working without a net or a clearly defined set of goals. 

Instead, I was listening to life.

Because for whatever reason, life was telling me that acting was not something that was meant for me, not at this time. I didn't want to be a writer, but somehow, the first script I wrote was made into a feature film. On a personal level, for years, I had resisted commitment in relationships because I thought I needed to put that part of my life on hold for my career. But funny enough, once I put my career on hold and became a father in 2012, my career took off in ways I could never have imagined. 

I'm happier now, and not because of any "things" I've acquired or any "achievements" that have come my way, but for one simple fact: I'm not trying to "become" anything anymore. I'm happy with who I am, what I am, and where life is taking me. It's not perfect but I now realize that the better version of myself doesn't exist in any dreams, or in the promises of tomorrow. It lives in the here and now. And that’s the only time of which we really have any control. 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Sam]

Hi Rajiv,

This is a powerful message which needs to be read by a lot of us who sometimes struggle with the goals we make, even though we think it is the right one for us. We should learn to let go those goals and instead look at what comes our way naturally. Sometimes, working hard on something is not the right answer. Wish you all the best in your journey.

[Amy]

Rajiv, this is the first time I am posting a comment. I remember the time when I needed someone to help with my "not so straight English (grammar, haha)" and I was impressed because you wrote it so well (thinking you were only 19 then)! I am glad you found your happiness in writing. I hope Samantha will look up to you some day to become a writer too (she have a notebook and started writing a story with her friend).

[CH]

Not sure why I hv a feeling that I hv read this somewhere some time ago. Possible you published this before.
Thanks for sharing this – ‘Live the Present is the happiest’

[from a Professor and Gentleman (email to FR team)]

Oh I love this Friday reflection… perfect captures my own life experience:

I'm happier now, and not because of any "things" I've acquired or any "achievements" that have come my way, but for one simple fact: I'm not trying to "become" anything anymore. I'm happy with who I am, and what I am. It's not perfect but I realize the better version of myself doesn't exist in any dreams of tomorrow. It lives in the here and now.

I think he has summarized the process of maturing very , very well.

I am sharing this with my students!

Thank you!

[Josephine Cass]

Being brave, confident and having good work ethics have taken you far.

[G3B]

Thank you for this article. It could not have come at a much more appropriate time for me. It helped me regain my peace of mind when I was just in the verge of snapping. Thank you once again.

[Mary]

All my life I was asked ... "What do you want to be when you grow up?"... I never really had an answer because I felt that life would lead me to where I wanted to be... why define life when there is so much to do and experience? who ever really grows up anyway? Great message - thank you for sharing it! I have been a follower of Friday Reflections since it was started and I have faithfully been following it all these years - love it!

[BQN old-timer]

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

John Lennon

[Thomas]

We all have to learn to recognize success. It comes in many forms, and it doesn't always look the way you expect it to when you're in your twenties. Just because it looks different, doesn't make it less valuable.

[Friend-Japan]

All I can say is we need to keep our eyes open because life is not moving the way we planned ahead so much. We don’t know what’s next , who we will meet tomorrow,…etc. Stay hungry like Steven Jobs said.

[MS]

Nice one. Thxs.
MS

[Thinker - Taipei]

Thanks for sharing and good to know that Rajiv has really flourished in writing. I can feel the passion and the love that he injects into this writing. It is the personal life story that really touches people.

[JN]

I believe that we are all created with a purpose in life. The challenge is for us to find such purpose. We are given talents and blessings but we may enjoy something different. So, there is a difference between something we are good at and something we enjoy. I may enjoy singing but you don’t want to hear me sing. So, what is the receiver of the result of our life? Is it our Creator, our love ones, or people around us? …………

[Ex Rable Rouser]

I always "had" a great 5-year career plan when I was working. At least that's what most people I know thought. After all, the standard questions for hiring managers in those days were: "where you see yourself to be in 5 years or what do you think you will be doing in 10 years?" In reality, I never had any plan for my life or career. It would be too boring (and shackled) if I actually had one and had to execute to fulfill it. Instead, I just followed my instincts and heart, did the best to my ability and met whatever came my way head on.

Although I never strayed far from the electronics and semiconductor industries, I engaged in different aspects of positions and many had absolutely nothing to do with my training and experiences. As time went on, they all gelled together very nicely and became valuable for the next opportunity that came along.

Looking back, after having retired for 12 years, I have no regret at all as every journey I took enriched my life and enhanced my understanding of life. It is gratifying that I am now able to converse and share experiences with people from different disciplines or walks of life. A planned career path might provide better financial rewards, but it could be very boring and short change your life experiences. By the time you realize it, the clock cannot be turned back.

[Coelho Fan from Malaysia]

“no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.”
Treasure is the journey itself..
― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist

[me]

I've never really knew what I wanted to do since I was in school. I know very well what I don't want to do and that sometimes frustrates me. Before I graduated, I've had this 5-year plan put together, and then I continued on with my plan for the next 5 years. Right after the 2nd cycle, I stopped. I didn't know what's next. And I allowed the years to just cruised by.

To be honest, I sometimes feel that there are some things in my career that are not accomplished in my life, but I don't quite know what that is. And I do feel a sense of guilt that maybe, I'm just not planning enough, or doing enough.

This article moved me. It made me realize that just maybe, there are things that I'm doing which I may not be seeing the impact now until later in life. Just like I cannot connect the dots now versus when I'm in the future, looking back at this moment. It also made me realize that I have to believe more. Just a tad bit more.

[KJ]

Do you realize what you have reflected is what are the traits of creative people, entrepreneurs. Many entrepreneur and great achievers started out with one thing and realized success in a different.

[Madhuri]

Rajeev- It takes a heart of a lion to share thoughts the way you have. Kudos for that!
You are creative. Not everyone is. The only thing that has changed is the medium. Rather than emote - now you write. So you are still the same person.
You are fortunate - you had the freedom to set your own goals. You did everything to make your goals a reality not your parents' or your uncles goals. So when life took you on a different path you came out stronger. I tried very hard to set goals for my sons or to steer them towards a “mainstream” career. However, they are both stubborn like me and are pursuing studies of their own interest. Now I am learning to appreciate them for having the guts to do so. I am a strong believer of- everything has a reason for why it happens. There are no accidents.
I have met your adorable son. Enjoy him. And Congratulations on your Film!
Now- I will answer your questions
I ended up in the US for grad school because my mom supported my decision against all her in laws wishes. I am exactly where I want to be - I have a healthy, happy and a sometimes very frustrating family; I love where I am in my job even though I did go through a feeling guilty phase when sacrifices had to be made on the family life front. It helped that I had the full support of my husband and boys at every step; And throughtout my career, my workplace gave me flexibility and options that enabled me to continue to progress.
What I do for a living does not define who I am. I have interests and commitments outside of work. But I am the same personality at work as I am at home. That makes life simpler.
Thanks for a wonderful reflection. I will share it with my boys.
Have a wonderful Holiday season

[Mary O]

Thanks for sharing this. I just shared it on my facebook profile.

The foot note on the post is this "I stumbled on this blog many years back and find most of the articles sync with who I essentially have found myself to be. I go there now and then to read and comment. I'm happier now too...."

I hope many other people get to just BE rather than continue to chase (like a dog's tail) to BECOME based on some set scripts and standards which may not be in tandem with who we are and what we have come to this world to accomplish.

Thanks again for sharing this piece at this time of the year.