SILENT LEADERS

POINT TO PONDER

"The best teachers are those who show you where to look, but don't tell you what to see."

                            - Alexandra K. Trenfor

 

STORY LINE

During my days in theatre school, I was working as an actor on a scene that was giving me a particularly difficult time. The scene was a highly intense scene and I was having difficulty getting myself to meet the emotional demands of the piece. My teacher at the time was an old theatre veteran who would sit silently, letting the scene play out. After each take I would turn to him and ask what he thought. He would answer the question with, "well, what do you think?" 

It would frustrate me. But he would ask me to do the scene again. And again. And again... 

Each time I would get a little more frustrated, knowing that I wasn't serving the material in the way that was needed. And each time he would quietly say, "just do it again." For three weeks I did this, trying many different ways, feeling disconnected and lost.

Then a week before we were to perform the scene, I wanted to throw in the towel. I didn't think I had it in me. I went up to my teacher and said that I no longer wanted to perform and he asked why. When I told him he responded that I've been "trying" to do things, putting on what I thought would be right rather than listening to myself and expressing what I honestly thought about it. He told me to take a break, give it a couple of days and come back to it. 

After a couple of days I did. Before I began, he reminded me to do nothing, just listen and respond honestly. I did. And to my suprise, the scene worked. After the scene was over he had a big smile on his face. I did too. For a second, I was a little irritated that it had been so effortless. I asked him why when I was struggling he just kept telling me to do the scene again and didn't just tell me to what to do right from the beginning. 

He sighed and said that I needed to go through the process for myself. That I needed to be lost in order to find the answer. If he had given me direction and told me what to do, I wouldn't have understood why it worked when it did. He explained that he didn't give me any answers because I had come to it through trial and error. That way, I would be able to find the answer on my own when I was in a professional production and he would not be there to help me. 

 

REFLECTION

I understood then what every good parent does, that real leaders don't just provide answers, they prepare you to find them for yourself when they are no longer around. 

Comments

[Student of the Peaceful Warrior (the book that your dad gave me)]

“everyone tells you what's good for you. they don't want you to find your own answers. they want you to believe theirs.”
― Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives

[Mom from Malaysia]

This is great saying! When my son asks me about sc and math homework, I hv been trying to NOT give the answer but rather say

1. What do u think ?
2. So?
3. After that?
4. And then?
5. And then??
6. And then ???

Is frustrating for him but I ‘m being reinforced from this sharing that….this is the right way to go

[Mark Dennen]

If life you cannot look in the back of a book to see the answer. This is, in my opinion, why one goes to school - to learn the technique for solving a problem which you will surely encounter in your job. Isn't this why we all have jobs - to solve problems (fix things, improve productivity, etc.). And we learn much from the experience which makes us even more effective in solving the next problem. And if we share the experience with others and they listen ..... That said, I will refrain from commenting on management.

[Kaka dog]

Corresponding to what I read yesterday:

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.(from Marcel Proust.)