Friday Reflections

The Art of Letting Go

 

POINT TO PONDER

"Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive."

                        Bryant H. McGill

 

STORY LINE by Rajiv Shah

Many of you that know me have known that I have dedicated my life for the last decade to the arts and making films. I've lived by the skin of my teeth at times, totally unsure of how things would work out.

Years ago, in 2005 to be exact, I began writing a film that was very personal to me. I wrote as a vehicle to act in the leading role of a film I was truly passionate about. I wasn't being given the opportunity I desired, so I decided to stop waiting and created the project for myself. I never fashioned myself a writer, it was more of an end to my achieving my acting goals. I figured I would write the part, shoot the film with a few friends, and move on to the next project. I quickly learned that moviemaking doesn't always work on the timeline you are expecting. 

Along the way the script met with successes, victories in script competitions, films festivals and the like. Each time the film met with success it seemed that people in the industry wanted the film but didn't want me in the lead part. I kept fighting for the role. For years the film didn't happen. But I kept working and as I waited, I continued to write other screenplays. But I still never thought of myself as a writer. It was just a way for me to express myself when I wasn't acting. 

Fast forward to today, the year 2014. Nearly ten years later and I'm still at it. The same project...

Recently, an Oscar-nominated producer came on board the team. She has worked with some of the biggest names in Hollywood, including Quentin Tarantino. She brought the film to a great agency and was pitching the project with me in the lead role. I thought I was going to get everything I had been fighting for after all these years. Then life kicked in a way that I could take a sign or a challenge - the agency loved the script, wants to put some big names on board but with that they wanted my resignation from playing the lead role. 

I was crushed.

But with that initial disappointment came the silver lining. I would remain on the project as a producer and writer. My film would be given the chance to release bigger than I could have ever imagined. I'd give myself the opportunity to be what I never imagined myself to be when I started this whole process - a produced writer in Hollywood. 

I thought long and hard.  I figured life had taken me to this point over and over again for a reason. And I realized that it was up to me that reason a good one. Because for whatever reason, life was telling me (over and over again) that the film would be better served without me in that part. And after everything, I found that I did in fact love to write. So I made the decision to adjust and change. Finally, after nearly ten years, I let go of the part...

And you know what? Once I finally did, I felt better. 

 

40 Years Ago: First Encounters In the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave

POINT TO PONDER

Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common. Celebrate it every day.

 

STORY LINE 40 Years since arriving in the Land of the Free and The Home of the Brave (and also what I had known as the land of Gregory Peck, Sean Connery, Audrey Hepburn, Sidney Poitier and Raquel Welch)

On January 22nd 1974, my colleague PG and I set foot on the shores of America in Los Angeles International Airport. Our Japan Airlines (JAL) flight was delayed due to mechanical troubles and arrived late in the evening. We went to the only open food place at the airport (in those days there were not many) and inquired “ We are very hungry, what food do you have?” The guy said “Only thing I go left is a hot dog.” Coming from strict vegetarian families we were in total shock. “Hot Dog?” We had heard that in America, they ate cows. But Dogs? Yuk. We turned around and left.

The next thing I did was to call the phone number of the USC foreign students office. Since it was late the phone was directed to the university security guard. I informed him that we had just arrived in USA and wanted to find out if there was a pick-up service. The guy said “Take the number 8 to downtown.” We thought we were already in town and were thoroughly confused by his instructions. So I used the SOS instructions that were given to us before we left India. I called my uncle in Anaheim who picked us up after a few hours.

The following day, we went to the USC foreign students’ office. The head of the foreign students office was Mr. Khetrapal, an immigrant from the northern part of India. While roaming around in the office, we met Saeed, also a new foreign student from Iran. We hit it off well and decided to be roommates. That afternoon, we found an apartment just across the campus. From his accent, the owner Mr. Kinarthi did not seem to be Amercian and on further inquiry told us that he was from Russia. I was wondering where Gregory and Sidney and of course, Audrey and Raquel could be hiding.

On our third day, we were moving to our new apartment. My Anaheim uncle who worked in the city of Compton, dropped us at the bus stop near his office. Early in the morning we were still drowsy and waiting at the bus stop with all our bags and backpacks. Suddenly a van came zooming in near the bus stop. Most of the people who were waiting with us started running shouting in some strange language. Two guys in suits and ties jumped out of the van. One of them approached PG and the other one came towards me showing me a badge with his picture and some strange emblem that said, “Immigration.” I extended my hand to him and said “Anand Shah” and told him, “you do not need to show me your picture, I trust you.” I was wondering why Americans have such strange way of introducing themselves until PG who had paid more attention told me “Show him your passport and USC ID card before he throws you in to that cage in the back of his van.”

That semester, USC had launched a new degree program in the area of Semiconductor Physics and Processing. It seemed to me that it was “A Road Not Taken (by many)” which meant learning new things and also chances of discovering (getting) new degree faster, I signed up. I had two other classmates in that inaugural semester, Pradyuman Patel- the guy from my home town I had never met before and Way-Seen Wang, a student from Taiwan. Coincidence or what but very first class, an elective, that I attended, the teacher was Professor Hwan Sha Ho.

That was my first week in the Land of The Free and The Home of The Brave. I had yet to meet Gregory Peck, Sean Connery, Sydney Poitier and of course Audrey Hepburn and Raquel Welch.

 

REFLECTION

In the second week and I met Professor Steir and Andrews and Whelan and Crowell which reconfirmed my faith that I had indeed come to America. But over next several months, I met people from many different cultures and countries and started realizing the true power of this land. The people from all over the world come here and bring with them their rich cultural heritage, ideas, opinions, and cuisines, And not to forget to the original inhabitants of this country who have a very rich cultural heritage of their own.

The past 40 years have been so fulfilling and enriching with the experiences I had in meeting some of the most creative, brilliant people from all over the world and witnessing the power of unlimited creativity and resulting innovations.

So looking back, I end this reflection with that Sherman brother’s song in Disneyland..

“There is so much that we share that it is time we are aware, it is a small world after all.”

The Reflecting Back: The Ricky Williams Story

 

POINT TO PONDER

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."

                                       - Tori Amos

 

STORY LINE by Rajiv Shah

Ricky Williams had the world at his feet. Coming to the end of his senior year in college, Ricky was the penultimate running back - strong, agile, and fast. So fast that Ricky broke or matched 20 all-time college records during his years at the University of Texas. To his peers and University of Texas fans, he was their hero when he broke the NCAA all-time career rushing record. It wouldn't take long for Ricky to become national news when he won the most coveted college football award: the Heisman Trophy. The Heisman, only awarded to one college football player in a single year as voted by the top sports journalists and past Heisman winners, proved that Ricky was the best all around player coming out of college in 1998. Ricky was revered by his peers, the critics, and fans alike. There was no doubt that Ricky would get signed in the first round of the NFL draft and would become the type of star that organizations build their franchises around. 

But this isn't a story about football...

You see, Ricky was a different type of player. He often said money didn't matter to him. He loved the game but hated the business that surrounded it. Ricky was an anomaly in professional sports - he was self-reflective and deeply emotional - a shy, painfully quiet, but genuine player. To prove that money didn't matter to him, Ricky signed with the New Orleans Saints and stipulated in his contract that his salary would only be paid out when he had accumulated 1,600 yards rushing, a very difficult feat. If he didn't reach that goal, he felt he didn't deserve the money. It was highly unusual, but then again, Ricky was also a very different type of person.

After six seasons in the NFL, and after battling injuries and habitual marijuana use (which led to multiple suspensions and fines from the NFL), Ricky decided to retire from football. Ricky was in the prime of his career and his retirement angered his team, the media, and fans alike. Everyone wanted to know, why?

Two days before practice was to begin for the upcoming season, Ricky retired from the game he loved. The national media went wild. Rumors became news, with national sports outlets like ESPN claiming that Ricky had given up football to smoke pot. He was a drug addict and had obviously gone off the deep end. One reporter professed openly, "...a disgrace to humanity, Ricky Williams."

His own team vilified him, punishing him with a lawsuit that claimed that Ricky was in breach of contract. Ricky was ordered to pay back 8.6 million dollars to the organization that he had earned in signing bonuses and time already played. It was one of the first times in professional sports that a player was required to pay back money after a team had cashed in on his name and for time he had already played.

Even with the scorn, ridicule, and financial ruin; Ricky kept going.

Ricky Williams left football and headed to Australia, shacking up in a tent in the middle of the outback. He stopped shaving and his beard grew to biblical lengths. He stopped giving interviews and went to India. He ended up in Grass Valley, California living in a school studying the ancient Indian system of holistic medicine, Ayurveda. He explained that he needed to heal his body and his mind, things that football couldn't give him. He was searching for truth in his own life. But he also wanted to help people in pain. He believed that studying Ayurveda would help him do that. But it all came at a price and Ricky Williams, football hero, was now a national joke relegated to demeaning late-night talk show jokes and the scorn from millions of fans.

But why?

Why did it matter so much to us that he quit playing football? What was it about his departure that angered us so deeply? During an interview with Mike Wallace on 60 minutes Ricky challenged him by asking, "When is it okay... no, cause I'm just curious, I'm just curious because I don't understand... when is it okay for me not to play football?"

Ricky Williams had to be damaged. He had to be. To turn down millions of dollars, to give back millions of dollars in order to "find himself," he had to be crazy. To walk away from the limelight and to give up the respect that his talent commanded... What sane person would do that? The media, professional football, and the country weren't buying his explanation. Because Ricky claimed that he walked away from it all to find his truth. He no longer wanted to be in pain. One reporter noted, "the quest for enlightenment is never going to resonate with the masses." And it didn't.

Digging further into Ricky's past revealed that he was the product of a broken home. Ricky was physically, mentally, and sexually abused. It led to the break up of his parent's marriage and the estrangement from his father, a minister. At the age of five, Ricky was in charge of caring for his younger siblings when his mother went to work. He took it upon himself to be the head of the household. As he grew into adulthood, those pressures led Ricky to being diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder. The signs were there during his time in football: he was painfully quiet, refusing to talk to teammates he didn't like, he often wore a football helmet with a tinted visor during press conferences, and he lived in a small apartment in New Orleans that was dark and barely had any windows or light. 

Ricky refuses to use these hardships as an excuse. In the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary, "Run Ricky Run," Ricky addresses his painful childhood, "...I learned at a very young age that you can't blame your life on your parents, or your upbringing, or anything in your past... when you blame other stuff on people, or you blame things on other people, it takes the power to change those things out of your hands and it puts it in their hands."

It was evident, Ricky was not crazy, he was wounded and suffering. He was searching for a way to heal his body, his mind, and his spirit. Ricky Williams, All-Pro football star was open and vulnerable, courageous enough to admit that he didn't have the answers and was searching for the same things we all are.

After a few years, when he felt he was mentally and emotionally ready, Ricky Williams returned to football. After an injury in one of his first games back (caused by what seemed to be an intentional act of a player stepping on his back once he was already down on the ground), Ricky Williams was still dealing with the same anger others felt for him. After he recovered, Ricky Williams - already in his thirties (and at the age when most players are out of the game or at the end of their careers) - set a new NFL record for the longest span between 1,000 yard rushing seasons at six years. 

When asked if he regretted his time away or if he ever thought about all the money (in the ballpark of 30 million) or the accomplishments he could have made during that time - at the peak of his physical abilities - Ricky Williams simply stated, "I look back and I say, 'I wish I was more mature,' and I'm not one to look back say the money I lost was a big deal compared to the experience that I had, especially where I am right now."

 

REFLECTION

I wondered why Ricky Williams affected the fans, the NFL, and the media the way he did.  

Ricky Williams walked away from the very things we value. We have been conditioned to believe the solution to our problems is found in the external: money, power, job security, and fame. We think that if we can get to next level, to the next big paycheck, then perhaps then, things will get better. I think Ricky Williams was polarizing because he had all of those things but for him, it wasn't enough. And if it wasn't enough for him, a man who seemed to have it all, then what did that mean for the rest of us?

Sean Pamphilon, the director of the documentary "Run Ricky Run," observed, "when you're around Ricky you learn something about yourself... because if you're going to put a camera on him, he's going to put a mirror on you."

I believe Ricky did the same with himself. He looked in the mirror and stopped looking outward for the answers. He turned his attention within. For Ricky, "when I can be stoic in the eyes of being threatened or being insulted, then I think that has to get people's attention." He went further, "to be detached, you're not coming from anywhere, you're just coming from a place of love... and for someone to come from a purely place of love, will be the most misunderstood person in the whole entire world." 

Ricky Williams' decision to leave football and our reaction to it said a lot about us and our values. It's hard to wrap our minds around leaving that type of money, respect, and stardom. A reporter would later muse about Ricky, "...I still don't know as I sit here talking to you whether this is a product of him being bi-polar, or mentally ill, or being a product of being the only sane person out there and the rest of us worshipping all the wrong things."

 

Into the New

 

POINT TO PONDER

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

                            -Seneca

 

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

I'm currently on the road writing from a rustic Cajun diner in the middle of the Louisiana bayou. I took this trip as a way to reflect on the year and to focus on what lies ahead. I spent New Years Eve in New Orleans and had a blast there.

When I left it was New Years morning. The air was crisp and biting, but the sky was bright as I hit the open road. As I drove I felt a little sad to leave. I had such a great time in New Orleans - the rocking jazz clubs, warm southern hospitality, and incredible culinary options - that it was hard to go. I wasn't sure if I could top the experiences I had just had.

As I drove out of town I kept looking back in the rear view mirror, contemplating turning back around. Plus, I don't have an itinerary, just following where the road and events take me so it would have been easy to go back. But I need to go farther and to explore the other great things that will surely come along on this journey. I'm reassured that the open road is a constant visual reminder of the endless possibilities that lay ahead.

2014 is upon us and it is entirely in our power to make our journey what we truly desire. There is a reason that the rear view mirror is small. Our focus should be on the expansive possibilities in front of us. This year, this day, this moment is ours to make what we want out of it if you can keep your eyes on the road ahead.

Speaking of which, it's time for me to pack up and start driving again. Happy New Years to you all and keep reaching in 2014!