It's Been a Long, a Long Time Coming.

POINT TO PONDER

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves. 

                                                       -Viktor E. Frankl

STORY LINE  by Rajiv Shah

I have two very politically minded friends. One is Republican. The other a Democrat. We have all known each other for a very long time. Our history extends far beyond politics, religion, and economics. Or so I thought. 

Sparing you all the gory details, what essentially happened was this: they both started out over Facebook lightly ribbing each other over the 2012 election, casting their thoughts and jokes on both of the presidential candidates. It started out in good humor and with thoughtful debate exchanged. 

Soon, however, things started getting a little bit heated. A personal jab was thrown by one friend to solidify a point that he was making. Next, a personal blow (more like an uppercut if we were talking about a boxing match), was delivered by the other.

It was at that point that the gloves were ripped off and the arguement became fully combative as the friends hurled personal attacks at one another. There were vicious points about how one friend being overweight was a laziness reflecting an inability to accept their own failures. Another attack reflected one friend's inability to tell the truth as the reason why he was miserable. It was ugly to witness.

By the end, my two friends could no longer refer to each other as "friends." They deleted each other off Facebook and refused to speak to one another. Naturally, I got caught up in the middle. I mediated through phone calls and inundated with complaints. Both felt that they were right. I had to tell them that who was right was irrelevant. What mattered was making a change. 

 

REFLECTION

 Here's why:

1. Change is inevitable. It happened to both of them - in their views, in their lives, and even in their friendship ending. Either they both could accept the change in each other and continue being friends or they could let it go entirely and start on a new path without their friendship. Either way, change had arrived.
2. They were both in denial. Denial is the refusal to recognize or acknowledge. Both believe staunchly that the other is wrong and that they are right. By arguing they were either hoping to A) convince the other of their point of view or B) shame the other into conceding defeat. Both were not going to work. Who is right is petty and egotistical when there is no longer communication and progress. Then again, maybe I'm the one in denial, that this argument was really rooted to something much deeper. Maybe they really aren't meant to be friends any longer. Which lead me to... 
3. Acceptance. At this point there's a need for acceptance. This involves ending the friendship, accepting that fact, and adjusting to it. The other choice requires that apologies be made, differences be put aside, and that there's enough room to have discourse within the friendship. 

To get to that stage both must accept differences in one another. But before that can happen, the real change must first start within themselves. 

 

 

Comments

[microCEO]

A presidential election is probably one of those circumstances that elicits in us a fearfulness: The feeling may be something like, "If my candidate doesn't win...and If I don't convince all those around me to vote for my candidate, then bad things will happen."

Over time, I have come to realize that life is too often governed by this sort of fear.

That is, whenever I worry about my job or family, whenever I am nervous about getting my ticket to a show, or my seat in a restaurant, or my parking space, or whatever else I think I am entitled to have... this is usually an emotional reaction generally out of fear (If I don't get that thing, my day will be ruined, or my child will cry, or I won't have enough time to meet the schedule, etc.)

To be in this state of perpetual worry puts one in a "me-first-and-damn-the-rest" mode, that generally does not earn any points for social grace or likability. It can be utterly counter-effective. Meanwhile I could watch how others can keep cool and be friendly to others, and can literally take the advantage in a situation by asking permission to receive it (rather than trying to steal it like a football). My father was one such person who had such a midas touch in public situations.

But this fearfulness is at heart a feeling about failure due to lack of control. By reminding myself to step outside of the "me-first" shell, I, too can see the big picture and regain control of my situation. I can accept the possibility of not always getting the ticket, or seat, or parking space. I can see others still stuck in that fearful mode, and understand the value of rising above it.

This, the freedom of choosing one's behaviors and reactions despite scarcity or opposition, is also what Viktor Frankl learned in the nazi concentration camps, and what he taught to others.

[CH Friend]

I guess Rajiv was not the only one with this issue this year.
Seems like so many people went crazy
What happened to the US melting pot. All of one and one for all?
We are more divisive than ever, with more mis-information going around than ever. (Don’t confuse me with the facts. I know what I believe.)
We are all supposed to be Americans. Aren’t we?

[Mark Dennen]

Recalling the quotation from the Bible, "Before trying to remove a splinter from another person's eye, first take the plank out of your own eye so you can see more clearly."

FB can be very irritating. I have a friend who posts comments from a group, "I'm informed so I don't vote Republican." Another one I find objectionable is the constant use of the phrase, "It's Bush's fault.....". This reminds me of people who constantly blame their parents even when they are 50+ years old. At some point in life, people have to accept responsibility and stop blaming others as it does nothing to solve the problem. Besides, I think pretty much everyone comes from a disfunctional family and after a few drinks, they are more than willing to share the details.

[BHSC]

A very well timed article…

I think 2013 will bring changes… and I am speaking far beyond what might happen to our iMBO’s or at work (look at the middle east just in the last 2 days).

While nervousness might be the natural response, it is not helpful (to oneself or others)… but recalling the experiences of someone like Frankl, and his lessons and personal wisdom, gives us a path.

2013 can be a great opportunity to become much more mature.

Best regards

[Blog PathToYourself]

Could you be so kind and share some links to other sources that have data about this theme just in case you are aware of any.