Friday Reflections

You Don't Tell Them How, You Show Them How.

POINT TO PONDER

An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.

                                                    - Mahatma Gandhi

    

STORY LINE

Vince Lombardi, two-time superbowl coach and Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee, was known for his relentless dedication to practice. He would line his players in formation to run a play. The players would run the drill. Any variation or mistake, however minor, would lead to Lombardi yelling out, "run it again!" 

     And they would run it again. This time something else would be off. "Run it again," Lombardi would bellow. 

    And again they would run the play. And again. And again...

    After a while the players had run it so many times that they could catch the mistake themselves and would bark at each other, "run it again," before Lombardi could chime in. The players would line up and run the play over and over until they knew what the play felt like free of error. 

 

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

Vince Lombardi didn't just tell his players how to play, he provided the framework to allow them to feel what it was like to get the play right. Lombardi wanted his players to achieve mastery of the play, that action, not through lecture but through execution. Once mastery is achieved a player doesn't have to think about the play, he can just feel it and be fully present in the job at hand. 

    Repeated practice led to mastery and mastery allowed his players to enter what psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi termed a "flow state" - also known as being in the groove or in the zone. And to be in the zone you can't be thinking about how you are performing an action but instinctively acting and reacting in the moment to any given stimuli. 

    In the acting world, Stella Adler (famed teacher to Marlon Brando, Robert DeNiro, and Benicio Del Toro) spoke of rehearsing to the point where you stop thinking about what you are doing or how you are doing it, but you just do it in the moment. Adler called achieving this state as getting back to zero. Zero being a place of simplicity, connection, and effortlessness. But Adler believed that effortlessness came from many hours of preparation, so many hours that you could no longer see that preparation at work. 

    Lombardi was getting his players back to zero. They repeatedly ran plays so that in a game situation the players were able to act and react to given circumstances fully present in the moment. Vince Lombardi understood that through repeated practice the players would learn for themselves the right execution. He didn't tell them how, he showed them. 

Before the Show

POINT TO PONDER

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights. 

                                                            -Muhammad Ali

 

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

I read that after Mother Teresa's death, her diaries were found to contain doubts about her religion, and her faith in God. There was a fear that if Mother Teresa, a saint ordained by the catholic church, had doubts about God and the meaning in her service, it would lead to questions about her sainthood.

    To me, those letters confirmed that she was even more of a saint than I orginally thought. My reasoning, and this is only my opinon, is that her having doubts that she was human like the rest of us but chose to continue serving in spite of her doubts. To have no doubt means the path was relatively easy and free of conflict. But when you doubt, when the path is hard, and you still are able to overcome and succeed, that is a true sign of something remarkable. Mother Teresa's letters confirmed to me that she was even more admirable because she chose to continue helping people in spite of it. 

    For whatever reason we like our heroes clean and without human failings. We want the path to success to be clean cut and easy to follow. It almost never is and Mother Teresa's is no different. In her quiet moments away from the news and her foundations, she doubted. She questioned the very religion and service she was exalted for. And what makes her amazing to me is that she continued to do good in spite of those doubts and fears.

    It's human to question and to feel like we may not be able to accomplish a feat. It is human to doubt ourselves from time to time. It is in those times that we must conquer them on our own and face ourselves. We might not always like what we find but we must continue on. 

    It's very easy to remember a person's success, it's what we celebrate, but it is equally important not to forget all the hardship and work it took to get there. 

 

 

A Real Network

POINT TO PONDER

The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.

                                    - Keith Ferrazzi

STORY LINE by Rajiv Shah

This week I've spent the majority of my time at a film festival here in LA where one of the films I worked on is screening throughout the week. Film Festivals can be a mad crush to get your film seen, raise capital for your next project, and make as many connections as you possibly can. It's hard work but is a whole lot of fun too. When I first started going to these festivals I was overwhelmed, intimidated, and avoided all the wonderful events that festivals provide to filmmakers. Why? Because I felt uncomfortable approaching strangers trying to sell myself and my films to them. It felt artificial. I felt fake. And because of this I wasn't fully enjoying myself. 

Fast forward 4 years from that first festival and I'm swapping business cards, making connections, attending all the parties (and there is one every night) and most importantly, I'm enjoying myself. A lot. More than I ever thought I was capable of. What changed? 

In the past four years I've had tremendous mentors who I've learned from, most of the time just by observing how they act in the same environments. I found what worked for me and below is a list of what I've learned (and is not just applicable in entertainment). It's a list of observations I've made of things that have helped me open myself up and enjoy the process more. 

• Be yourself. In being yourself you aren't trying to prove anything or validate yourself to anyone. Some people won't mesh with you but the ones you do make a connection with are the ones that will probably will grow into lasting relationships. By being yourself you often find others with similar interests and tastes. 
• Get to know them. I'm curious about other people and their stories so I ask a lot of questions about the person I'm interacting with. The information I glean is often valuable and I'm able to utilize it in my own life. Another great thing is that getting to know someone takes the pressure off of myself. People like speaking about their interests and usually getting them on a topic they are passionate about will lead to interest about what you do and what you are passionate about. 
• If you are trying to sell something you aren't asking the other person for anything. I'm not asking for money or what they can do for me. Not at all. I take the apprach that I'm coming to them with an opportunity. You are coming to them to share what you are passionate about, to give something that has enhanced your life and are grateful to include them in the process. You allow them to decide if they want to take part in it. You are giving instead of taking. 
• Don't take things personally. You will meet jerks who will run you down, that criticize and mock. Let them. That has more to do with them than you. Move on and look at that interaction as being one step closer to someone that you will actually click with. I equate it to baseball, you aren't going to hit a home run in every at bat but you have to keep stepping to the plate, striking out, in order to hit one out of the park. 
• Value what you do and what you bring to the table. There is only one you. I know the market is flooded with talent but have faith in the skills and talents you bring. People want to be around those that value who they are and what they do. 
• Find the good in everything that happens. Never is anything a complete waste. There is always something you can take away from the experience - a lesson learned, a shared experience that you can use, a genuine connection. Even when I go to something that I didn't particularly care for, I find the one thing I can take away that helped me grow in some way. It's all about perspective and what you give is what you get. 

 

REFLECTION

I'm curious as to what has helped you? Is there something you have observed and learned that helps you? Please share your experiences in the comments below and we'll look to post some of them in a future Friday Reflection! 

When Understanding Comes From Ignorance

POINT TO PONDER

I guess when your heart gets broken you sort of start to see cracks in everything. I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us and our mission is never to let it.

 

*The following story line was edited from a FR written in 2010 titled "Through the Looking Glass." That reflection is relevant today following the shooting at a Sikh temple in Wisconsin earlier this week.* 

STORYLINE - by Rajiv Shah

On September 11th, 2001, Balbir Singh Sodhi was glued to his T.V. as two American Airliners collided with the World Trade Center. He watched the twin towers fall, an uneasiness coming over him, as the flaming wreckage replayed over and over on his screen. Balbir Singh Sodhi had recently moved to his Mesa, Arizona community and was the new owner of a Chevron Gas Station in town. Sodhi had initially moved to Los Angeles, CA in 1989 when he immigrated to the US from his native India, eventually working for over ten years as a cab driver in Los Angeles and San Francisco. When Sodhi saved enough money, he relocated his wife and three sons to Mesa to open the gas station which he now owned.

The station was an enormous source of pride for Sodhi and he was known to treat the customers with generosity and care. Children claimed that he often let them have candy from his store though they didn't have enough money pay for it. Sodhi was a Sikh, a deeply spiritual man, described as a quiet and gentle. He would often spend time outside his gas station, planting and tending to his flowers outside.

But on September 11th as he watched his TV, Sodhi knew he stood out – his long black beard, a turban pinned to his head, and dark brown skin that were all manifestations of his Punjabi roots. So on September 15th, he did what many distraught Indians, Middle Easterns, and Muslim Americans did: he went to the store and purchased an American flag to display outside his gas station. A symbol that he was not the enemy but an American like his neighbors. On his way out of the store he donated seventy-five dollars to the September 11th victims fund.

A few hours later Sodhi was back outside his gas station doing what he had come to enjoy – planting flowers. As he stooped over to put another flower into the earth, the silence was shattered by a loud pop. Then the first was followed by four more gunshots. As Sodhi's shirt began to soak in a pool of crimson, he crumbled to ground, tires screeching as his assailant sped away in a pick-up truck. Balbir Singh Sodhi was killed instantly, his life cut short at the age of fifty-two.

His assailant was captured, a man named Frank Roque, a Boeing aircraft mechanic who would exclaim after the murder, “I'm a patriot... I stand for America all the way!” After his arrest, Roque told the police that he was, “standing up for his brothers and sisters in New York,” by delivering on the promise that he was, “going to go out and shoot some towel-heads.”

At Balbir Singh Sodhi's memorial service, three thousand people attended. Ten-thousand letters were sent in support and in condolence. The loss, pain, and rage as was addressed by Sodhi's nephew, Daman, “he was killed because of the way he looked. It's so stupid.” Sodhi's own son, Sukhwinder, talked about his father's murder, “what are you going to do with anger? We like peace and we are a peaceful people.” The service chose to reflect on peace rather than condemnation and focused on finding a way to “keep American's hearts open to one another,” as expressed by Sikh minister, Guru Roop Kaur Khalsa. 

 

REFLECTION

Its been two years since I originally wrote this story line. I couldn't have imagined the number of shootings, murders, that would occur in the two years since - the public shooting of Gloria Giffords in Arizona, the recent tragedy in Colorado, the Oikos University shooting in Oakland, and now the Sikh temple shooting in Wisconsin. 

My question is when does it end? It's too easy to pick up a gun and shoot innocent, unarmed people that don't see it coming. It's cowardly. It's entrenched in misunderstanding, ignorance, and hatred. It's easy to hate and life can be taken irresponsibly in an instant. What is far harder is tolerance. Understanding. Love. It takes an acceptance of differences in order to love and that is far more difficult.

Many of the Sikhs interviewed in Wisconsin surprised me. They expressed sympathy for the shooter and forgiveness. They accepted that he was a misguided and deeply troubled man. It seemed to echo what was said by the family of Balbir Singh Sodhi over ten years ago. Sodhi's own son, Sukhwinder, talked about his father's murder, “what are you going to do with anger? We like peace and we are a peaceful people.” But now, I keep wondering what one does with anger. What would happen if the victims families decided to take up arms and shoot back in retaliation, if they allowed themselves a violent outlet for their pain? 

Amardeep Singh Kaleka, the son of Satwant Singh Kaleka (declared a hero by the FBI for stopping the assailant in the recent Wisconsin attack), spoke to Anderson Cooper about the his father's murder. His words were not as resigned as Sodhi's son, “I hope American society lets go of its criminal violence and violence in America. And its hatred and this amazingly repugnant descent as a human civilization into this archaic world. I hope that we can traverse and come up, and become more civilized.”

The shooter performed an abominable act but what motivated him to kill was a basic human behavior of which we've all been guilty – the judgment of another. And perhaps the passing of judgment is actually our own anger and dissatisfaction with ourselves? One only hopes that the cycle ends is in each of us. Of judgement. Of hatred. Of the belief that our way is the only way. It is within ourselves that we must turn our attention. 

As we begin the 29th year of Friday Reflections and the 9th year on the WWW...

 

POINT TO PONDER

Things come to you at the time when you need them the most to move to the next stage.

STORY LINE by Rajiv Shah

In 2011 Denzel Washington gave the commencement speech to the graduating class at University of Pennsylvania. His central message was to "fall forward" and not backward, in that if one were to pursue something value, failure was unavoidable. He noted that people will remember the triumphs but very rarely look at all the failures it takes to get there. 

    Denzel illustrated this point with a story from his own life, one where he had auditioned for a musical very early on in his career. It was at a theatre in New York and at the time he found himself particularly vulnerable. He was accustomed to a more naturalistic style of acting and though he tried, he wasn't fit for the demands of the musical theatre world. Needless to say, he didn't get the part. He was hurt and had "failed." But he let it fuel him and it was a step in being able to "fall forward."

About thirty years later Denzel found himself being awarded the Tony Award (the theatre's greatest honor) for a role he had in a play on Broadway. And guess what theatre he performed the show? That's right - it was the same theatre he had auditioned for thirty years earlier, for a part he didn't get.
 

REFLECTION by Anand Shah

A week before the 28^th anniversary of FR, I received an email from someone, a man named Fred Neal, that I had not heard from in last 12 years. As I was catching up with him about the past, it occurred to me that in 1985 when we were still working together, every month he used to give me small booklets called “Bits and Pieces.” The booklets contained interesting and educational short real life stories about people and places. I loved the stories and those little booklets were the catalyst for the stories I started telling my children on every Friday since August 5^th 1985. Later I introduced those stories to the WWW in the year 2004.

On a side note: In 1984, I met Fred when he was looking for a job and hired him. In 1997 Fred helped me get a job with the company I am currently working for.