Friday Reflections

"I'm gonna be like you, dad. You know I'm gonna be like you"

 

Points to Ponder: Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said. – Author Unknown
“And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me- He'd grown up just like me- My boy was just like me.” – from the song Cat's in the Cradle written by Harry and Sandra Chapin

Story Line: Some-time ago, in response to the reflection Teach Your Children/Parents Well , two readers; Levi’s and Paul Jaquette had suggested another meaningful song “Cat's in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin. Since then, I have listened to this song many times and I would like to share with you as the year is winding down. It has a very deep message for parents. Please spare a few minutes to listen

Reflection: Every-time I listen to this song, many childhood memories resurface. It is so true that childhood experiences have significant influence in shaping a person's adult life. In my childhood years, when our father returned home from work, we went out for evening rides and listened to many stories and also sang songs. When he returned home from business trips, we would gather around him and listen to enchanting stories of his experiences; people he met, places he visited, funny things that happened and also of his business dealings. For him, all business relations were personal ones. He treated every person and his job with respect. When we showed him the our grades report, he would look at it and ask "Do you need any help or you feel OK?". No other sermon.

For him, being able to work with people was the most important thing for success. He also had his weaknesses and faults. So many of these childhood experiences of every kind have carried on with me in life. This reflection was planned for this Friday (November 16) sometime ago and I realized only an hour ago that it coincides with the 26th anniversary of his departure from this earth. 

Special thanks to Levi's and Paul for sharing this beautiful and meaningful song that has rekindled so many memories. 

 

Be the Energy you want to attract

 

Point to Ponder: Always keep in mind that the strongest factor of your Feng Shui is You. - Stefan Emunds

Story Line: This short story is an excellent example on mindfulness. - Sent by Sujat Shah from India.

Zhao Zi Hao's made it big in business so he spent money buying a piece of land in the suburbs and built a three-storey villa.

He had an impressive swimming pool in the garden with a hundred-year-old Lychee Tree in the backyard to boot. In fact, he bought the property precisely because of this tree. His wife loved eating lychees.

During renovations, his friends urged him to get guidance from a fengshui master, just to tread on the side of caution.

Zhao Zi Hao's never quite believed in Fengshui yet surprising he took the advice to heart and went out of his way to engage a feng shui master from Hong Kong. The Grand Master was non other than Master Cao who's been in the profession for thirty over years, renowned in the Fengshui circle. They had a meal in the city then Zhao Zi Hao drove the Master to the suburbs.

Along the way, when cars behind them tried to overtake, Zhao Zi Hao would simply give way.

The Master laughingly remarked: "Big Boss Zhao, your driving is really safe." He spoke really fluent mandarin for a Hongkie.

Zhao Zhi Hao laughed at the remark: “Usually people who need to overtake have some urgent matter to attend to, so we shouldn't hold them up.

Arriving at a small town the streets grew narrow and so Zhao Zi Hao slowed down.

A giggling child suddenly darted out from an alley and as the child ran across the street, Zao still didn't speed up. Instead, he kept his gaze on the alley, as if waiting for something. Out of the blue, another child darted out, chasing after the child ahead.

Master Zao was surprised and asked: “How did you know there'd be another child following suit?”

Zhao Zi Hao shrugged: “Well, kids are always chasing after each other so it's impossible for a child to be in such glee without a playmate.”

Master Cao gave him a big thumbs up and laughed out loud: “That's really considerate of you!”

Arriving at the Villa, they got down from the car. Suddenly about seven to eight birds flocked from the backyard. Seeing so, Zhao said to Master Cao: “ If you don't mind please wait here for a little while.”

“What's the matter?" Master Cao was taken aback.

"Oh, there's probably some kids stealing lychees in the backyard. If we walk in now we might give them a fright, let's not risk anyone falling off the old Lychee Tree." Zhao replied humorously.

Master Cao stayed silent for a while before stating matter-of-factly: “This home doesn't need a fengshui evaluation anymore.”

Now it's Zhao's turn to be shocked: “Why's that?”

“Any place graced with your presence naturally becomes the property with the most auspicious fengshui.”

When our minds prioritize others’ peace and happiness, the one who benefits is not just others, but ourselves too.

When a person is considerate of others at all times, then this person has unconsciously accomplished Buddhood.

The Buddha is in fact a person who through benefiting others becomes enlightened.

Have a mindful week ahead.

Reflection: Many people view Feng Shui as about things and good fortune but in reality it is about us and the energy we want to transmit. For Zhao Zi; his believes, thoughts and actions were in harmony and radiated positive energy in the universe. In life one gets what one puts out.

As Master Cao rightfully said " When our minds prioritize others’ peace and happiness, the one who benefits is not just others, but ourselves too."

In the Book of Life, the Answers Are Not In the Back.

POINT TO PONDER

“A great relationship isn’t when two perfect people come together. It’s when two imperfect people learn to love and treasure each other.”

                            - Unknown

 In light of recent discussions with some friends about "perfect" relationships and being happy, this December 2015 reflection is being republished.

STORY LINE

At this time of the year, some like to reflect and share their significant memories accumulated over the past twelve months. Some share personal letters, while others are pictures and videos posted in social media. Normally, these memories capture happy moments of people and places. Looking at these letters and warm photos, it would seem that they have perfect families and relationships.

But is that really the case? Is there such a thing as the 'perfect' family or the 'perfect' relationship?

An answer may lie in the understanding of the word 'perfect'. Let me share a story.

During our recent trip to New Zealand we met a young, newly married couple. We got along well and talked about our lives.  One day they told us, “You two are the example of a perfect relationship." At that moment, even with a few travelers listening nearby in the bus, I felt compelled to stop them from forming an inaccurate image of us. So I told them, “No, we do have differences, we do argue and many times with an intense voice. When we fight about the dog (no details please), even neighbors come by to inquire if things are OK. We have only a few common but many different interests and we also have opposite styles (Ying Yang)."

While I was talking I also remembered about my inexperience of handling work life balance in my 30s and some major mistakes I had made with our children during that period. And now with them grown up, I do have major clashes when it comes to approach to raising children (they have children of their own), safety, prevention and views about political and social issues.

Just at that moment I realized that despite all those encounters, we still love one other a lot. We are very close with one another while accepting that we have differences and disagreements.

I told the young couple “This must be my perfect, however imperfect it may seem.”

 

REFLECTION

Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond imperfections.

*Title is a quote from Charlie Brown---From Peanuts GUIDE TO LIFE by Charles M Schultz

 

AND we wish you a very Happy Upcoming Holiday Season.

When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.

Point to Ponder: It is not mistakes but how they are handled defines persons and the culture of the organization.

Story Line: It was my first job. Our team was working long hours to get the new production line operational. One day with my boss Charlie nearby, I dropped the entire lot of production lot in a very stupid way. As the silicon wafers broke into pieces, I saw my dreams of having the job and get permanent residency in USA shattered away. I apologized. That afternoon I saw the boss going into the General Manager’s office and then the doors shut. Needless to say I couldn’t sleep that entire night and also called my parents and told them that I would be coming home soon.

The next morning when the boss came over and asked if I had a minute, all kinds of thought went through my mind. He reviewed my plan to expedite the replacement production lot and approved it. Not a single word was mentioned about what had happened the previous afternoon.

Late evening on that day while I was on the production floor, the general manager of our division came asked “Have you had dinner?” We went to his favorite Chinese (Jade Garden). That interaction; scene and words have always stayed with me. I told him “Dave, I am sorry for the mistake.” Before I can say further he said “Haven’t we all? How do you think I got where I am at? Without mistakes?” I sincerely offered to pay for the lost production wafers. He laughed and said that mistakes bring experience and to learn from them. He told me that Charlie and he had talked about this incidence. Their conclusion was that I was working too long hours and seemed exhausted. (My routine work hours were from 7AM to 9/10PM every night plus a few hours on the weekend)

With a smile he suggested, “Take a few hours off for extra rest. Work only 12.” Dinner didn’t conclude until he highlighted one by one many valuable contributions and emphasized that I was an asset to his organization.

A few weeks later, my boss called me in his office and handed a piece of paper. That was my first exposure to performance appraisal. He said it was “out of cycle” and the attached piece of paper had some numbers that seemed like my new salary. There was huge % increase number with a note: Policy Exception. I have treasured that note for lifetime.

Reflection: That incidence and many similar ones in my early career are not only unforgettable but they shaped the work philosophy and approach for the career that followed.

The years later I spent 20 years with another company. The founder of that company had told us something very profound in the new hire orientation “When something goes wrong, focus on the problem not the person.”

Being in the industry that pushes the envelope and develops state of the art technologies and products, the problems arose on regular basis. Many of them with potential impact of millions of dollars, two with impact in billions, many relatively smaller and most requiring great sense of urgency.

It was so wonderful working with the people who understood that culture. The time was spent finding real solution to the problems. No finger pointing, no stories about people getting fired in the hallways. Focus on Solution not the persons. That company went on to become world’s #1 in its field.

As you sow, so shall you reap.

Points to Ponder: At work or in the personal life always remember The Golden Rule


THIS POSTER IS USED WITH PERMISSION BY THE CREATORS AT SCARBORO MISSIONS.*

Story Line: 300 senior ministers (aka managers) from all over the world had gathered in a large hall for the beginning of a leadership summit called by the person who had been crowned the new boss of the organization upon retirement of the previous boss. As it normally happens in such gatherings, after glorifying introductions, the new boss takes the podium to share his vision of the future. Things seem to be going well for the first few minutes until the new boss put up a poster that contained the strategies of his predecessor marked with a huge X over it. Attendees guessed: “Down with the old, Follow the new” was the message. However it puzzled some attendees:

Why did the new boss have to undermine the very person who chose him for the job?
Also anyone who had attended the farewell ceremony of the retiring boss had seen that the legendary Chief Executive of the company and many of the current senior executives had shared their fond memories of the retiring boss and highlighted his immense contributions to the company. In addition the company had asked the retiring boss to stay in the advisory role.

The common sense would indicate not to undermine someone who was leaving with so much respect and also the one who had chosen him as his successor. Why not focus on the future instead of talking about the past?

What kind of example it sets for the employees? More so when it was in the leadership conference that had many sessions emphasizing things like High Ethics, Uncompromising Integrity, Gratitude, Professionalism with examples of the great leaders of mankind.

And even after few years, some members of his staff took opportunities to criticize the strategies of the previous boss; still wondering whether their intent was to please him or to misguide him.

Fast Forward: a few years later…

Only senior members of the organization were called for a meeting. A new person had been appointed to lead that organization. The old boss (his new job "to be defined") was to report to the newly appointed boss and he was asked to be in the meeting. Some of the very members of his staff who in past had helped develop and praised his strategies termed those very strategies as Failures. One of his staff members even went as far as praising the very first boss (the retired one) and talked about the mistake of abandoning some of his strategies.

The old boss did not return to the meeting after lunch break and left the company soon thereafter.

Reflection: You may ask: Why this article and Why Now? In the last thirteen years of these reflections, occasionally I have received notes from the readers stating that FR covers stories that are positive in nature, pump up spirits type etc but “are there stories that are negative sounding and we can learn something from them too?” So here is one with many lessons about work and life.

But the message that stands above all is: The Golden Rule

*This poster is available to purchase from Ontario Multifaith Council and Interfaith Marketplace.