Friday Reflections

The welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...

At Friday Reflections, we're thankful for all of our wonderful readers and the stories, comments and feedback you regularly share with us.  You make Friday Reflections what it is, and we appreciate it. Happy Thanksgiving to You and Your Family.

Point to Ponder: It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.

Story Line: The welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...

There was a farmer who grew excellent quality wheat and every season he won the award for the best grown in his county. One year a reporter from the local newspaper interviewed the farmer and learned that each Spring the man shared his seed with his neighbors so that they too could plant it in their fields...

 

“How can you afford to share your best wheat seed with your neighbors when they are entering their crops in the competition with yours?" the reporter asked....

 

“Why that's very simple,” the farmer explained... "The wind picks up pollen from the developing wheat and carries it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior wheat, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of all the wheat, including mine. If I am to grow good wheat, I must help my neighbors grow good wheat"...

The reporter realized how the farmer's explanation also applied to peoples' lives in the most fundamental way... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...

 

The Original Sources for the quote in point to ponder and storyline unknown.

 

 

At Friday Reflections, we're thankful for all of our wonderful readers and the stories, comments and feedback you regularly share with us.  You make Friday Reflections what it is, and we appreciate it. Happy Thanksgiving to You and Your Family.

Point to Ponder: It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.

Story Line: The welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...

There was a farmer who grew excellent quality wheat and every season he won the award for the best grown in his county. One year a reporter from the local newspaper interviewed the farmer and learned that each Spring the man shared his seed with his neighbors so that they too could plant it in their fields...

 

“How can you afford to share your best wheat seed with your neighbors when they are entering their crops in the competition with yours?" the reporter asked....

 

“Why that's very simple,” the farmer explained... "The wind picks up pollen from the developing wheat and carries it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior wheat, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of all the wheat, including mine. If I am to grow good wheat, I must help my neighbors grow good wheat"...

The reporter realized how the farmer's explanation also applied to peoples' lives in the most fundamental way... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...

 

The Original Sources for the quote in point to ponder and storyline unknown.

 

Whenever Father Vallés Spoke, People Listened

Points to Ponder: Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi

Story Line: It was early 1970s. The Town Hall in Ahmedabad-India, the place I grew up in, was overfilled with people from all walks of life; different faiths and social backgrounds. The people from the city of 2 1/2 million comprising of 80% Hindus, 14% of Muslims, 3 % Jains and  1% Christians had gathered to listen to Jesuit Priest, Father Carlos G. Vallés.

Father Vallés, as he was affectionately known in the town, started his speech in Gujarati, the local language of the province. His pronunciations with a Spanish touch added flavor to the theme of his speech: Our differences are a few and similarities many. His speech covered the common values between different religions such as; understanding the pain of others, helping with humility, kindness, alignment between thoughts speech and actions and the service of God. He was connecting with the audience on three levels; speaking in their mother tongue, he was speaking from clear understanding having spent time learning about other cultures and religions, and he was totally dedicated to his faith.

Carlos G. Vallés was born in Spain on 11/4/1924. When he was 10, his father died and soon after his family lost everything during Spanish Civil War. At the age of 15, he joined Jesuit School and dedicated rest of his life in the service of God. Nine years later, he was sent to India to teach mathematics in a newly opened Saint Xavier’s school in Ahmedabad.

Relationships of mind are temporary, Relationships of heart will stay forever.

Soon after he arrived in India, he realized that teaching mathematics in English language was easy but to really connect with the students he needed to talk in their language; the one they conversed in after the class. So he went for two years intensive training to learn Gujarati. His colleagues called it a waste of time where as he felt it was necessity to reach the hearts. The other thing he did was to study the culture and the teachings of other religions. Once asked if he was diverting from his main job, he replied, “This is my main job: Love, harmony and peace amongst people.” He continued to deliver the message of his faith through clear understanding of its teachings.

Thousands of people waited for his weekly column in local magazine and newspapers. People looked forward to his talks at various religious conferences and festivals. He was welcomed in many Hindu, Muslim and Jain homes and stayed with them during day time and bicycled back to his seminary at night. He integrated in the culture just like sugar mixes with milk and makes it sweeter.

He shared his life experiences and learnings in 75 books in Gujarati, 24 in English and 42 in Spanish. During his time in India he received many awards and recognitions for his writings, service to the people and the commitment to his faith. After 40 years he returned to Spain to be with his 90-year-old mother and he continued his writings. She passed away at the age 101.

Reflection: Over the years, I have mentioned Father Vallés in my communication to many friends.  My memory of him is attending his lectures in the first year of college, not missing his weekly columns in in the local newspaper and his talk in the town hall.  

Just two days ago, I received a mail from the childhood friend stating that Father Vallés had left this earth at the age of 95. Every newspaper in Ahmedabad paid tribute to this great soul. The Prime Minister of India Narendra Modi sent this message to the nation: "Father Valles endeared himself to many, especially in Gujarat. He distinguished himself in diverse areas such as mathematics and Gujarati literature. He was also passionate about serving society. Saddened by his demise. May his soul rest in peace," 

Father Vallés, Jesuit Priest from Spain, will forever live in the hearts of millions of people of different faiths. He left a rich legacy through his teachings, talks, writings and most importantly his unconditional love for fellow human beings. I am fortunate that our paths crossed in this journey. I will remember him for:

1. Constancy of Purpose: The unwavering commitment to his Faith in Jesus Christ and living life consistent with His teachings. I can guess what his last words were before he left this earth.
2. Living Life with examples: “Love others as I have loved you”, Seek to understand before being understood, not imposing his believes on others.
3. Respecting diversity and bringing peace and harmony through common values and teachings.
4. Understanding “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.*”

On the last day of class in 9^th grade Mr. Mansuri, our Hindi teacher, told us beautiful parting words from Yogananda that I like to repeat today for tribute to Father Vallés: “When you came to this world, the people were smiling and you were the one crying. Live life in such a way that when you leave, the people are crying and you are the one smiling.”

 

 * Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in The Little Prince

 

A picture is worth a thousand words

 

Beautiful message that came from a FR reader and a friend from India (Sujat). Timely to Share with my fellow Americans. ❤️🙏🏼

Original Picture Source Unknown for now. Searching for credit where it is due. 

The Catch-Dumb Fred Episode 2

Point to ponder: Experience is not what happens to a person, it is what a person does with what has happened to him or her. – Aldous Huxley

Storyline: The Catch (or to be precise: the one that got away).

Every life has stories and associated experiences; seemingly positive or negative.  What we are now is the result of what we have learnt from the lessons and converted them into useful practices. Here is one such story. Dumb Fred Episode 2.  

When Fred was in high school, he joined the school cricket team. On one fine day his school team was playing a match against top notch championship team. The star player of the league from that team was at bat. Fred was sent into the game by the coach to fill-in for another player. While Fred was trying to straighten out the patch of grass in front of him the bowler had already started his run for the pitch. The star player hit the ball which headed right in the direction of Fred.

 Who knows at which precise moment one’s fortune can change?

It is in the split second decisions/actions that fortunes are made or lost. One person becomes Willy Mays and the other....? One company becomes Microsoft and the other, IDR, disappears from the map.

 If the ball was caught it would have been a great honor for the team, the bowler and Fred. It might have hit the news headlines. Unfortunately Fred’s attention to ball came too late. It was a very easy catch but the ball snuck out of Fred’s unprepared hands. Immediately Fred was pulled out of the game and assigned scorekeeping duties. The next day during school assembly, the coach described that scene to all students. Fred accepted responsibility knowing fully well that he had let the team down.

“It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honored by the humiliation of their fellow beings.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

However the coach could not let go his anger and told Fred never to come near the cricket field. Fred accepted that as punishment. One would think that would be the closure. However the episode did not end there.

During the annual celebration, many students were being recognized for achievement in different areas. The parents and special guests were invited. The announcer was calling different names and suddenly, to Fred’s surprise, his name was announced. Fred Williams- the best score keeper. Fred was surprised but proceeded towards the special guest standing next to the principal and the coach who were having hard time containing the laughter.

 The benefit of being Dumb is not to know the difference between humiliation and celebration….

Half of the audience who knew the intent was laughing and many others who didn’t were clapping. After the awards ceremony, some people came to congratulate Fred not knowing that the award was given to make fun of him rather than for any tangible achievement. Fred went home and showed the award to his mother, who not being cricket literate, jumped with joy and hugged him.

Fred had not grasped the real motive until the next day while having lunch with two regular buddies. They sympathetically inquired how he felt about the previous day. Fred told them that he felt good because he had noticed people enjoying while he went to take the award. Only when his friends explained that it was to humiliate him for dropping that catch, it sunk in a bit.

Two years later on the graduation day while Fred was saying final goodbye to fellow students and teachers, the coach approached him and said the parting words “I will always remember you for that (dropped) catch.”

A Thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Even 50 years later, some fellow students remember that incident and have lighthearted fun with Fred. (Surprisingly none of them remembers who had the highest runs or wickets)

Reflection: "Every problem/experience we have, comes at the time when we need it the most to go to the next level. But we must learn that lesson first." - Dennis Waitley

There are many lessons Fred learnt from that episode that carried on in career and life.

1. Do not take your eye off the ball when someone has entrusted you with responsibility. He followed this rigorously in career with commitments, resources and people. (customers, investors, employees and suppliers)
2. Never humiliate another human being; and especially in public for any reason. Mistakes are inevitable part of life. There were times when two employees made major mistakes and some senior people wanted “heads to roll”. Fred stood up for them and reconfirmed his confidence in their abilities. They became major assets and made significant contributions to the company. (No humiliation and show confidence in your team members.)
3. Parting words are very important. Better to recount good memories rather than take parting shots. Especially when the employees is leaving the team or you are leaving the team. A few kind words about shared experiences will go a long long way. .
4. Hate the sin and not the sinner*. The Principal and The Coach were victims of the system and the thinking of the times. So were many things that Fred did in his school years. Life is nothing but a great learning experience. Many years later, Fred visited the school. Three of them had some nice lighter moments talking about old days and the lessons learnt.

*from the autobiography of Gandhi.

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1023338-hate-the-sin-and-not-the-sinner-is-a-precept

Reference -Dumb Fred Original Story: Dumb Fred Episode 1

The Man in Black (Special Reflection for the current times)

 

Point to Ponder: I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been, Each week we lose a hundred fine young men. ....I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died, Believen' that we all were on their side.

Story Line: The Man in Black by Johnny Cash

Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.
I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down, Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,

I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime, But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read, Or listened to the words that Jesus said, About the road to happiness through love and charity, Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,

In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,

But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back, Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black. I wear it for the sick and lonely old, For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,

 

I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been, Each week we lose a hundred fine young men. And, I wear it for the thousands who have died, Believen’ that the Lord was on their side, I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died, Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,

And things need changin' everywhere you go,

But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right, You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day, And tell the world that everything's OK, But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back, 'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

Reflection: I believe that the deep message in this song is appropriate for current times to reflect and act upon. 
Johnny R. Cash was an American singer, songwriter, musician, and actor. Much of Cash's music contained themes of sorrow, moral tribulation, and redemption. His following famous words have appeared in FR several times. 
All your life, you will be faced with a choice. You can choose love or hate…I choose love.

Enjoy The Little Things in Life

Music: Dois Palhacos by Poin Pequena Orquestra Interativa

Points to Ponder: “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things” – Robert Brault

Story Line: The most beautiful things in life are the people and places and memories and pictures. They are feelings and moments and smiles and laughter. (Courtesy: from a poster sent by Helen Tan from Philippines).

During last 30 days, many friends around the world shared images of different events in their lives. These included nature, travel, innocence of children, appealing food dishes, beautiful photography, woodwork, art, exotic flowers, rich fruits and vegetable harvest, sharing between neighbors, 50th anniversary of penfriendship and nice refreshing drinks as the days wind down.

These are the friends I met in my workplaces, during our travel adventures, social gatherings, one through accident (literally speaking) and ones who were with me from KG to high school graduation. Also people who have known me since birth and ones I have known since their birth continue to share the events from their journeys.

They come from many cultures and countries. The video above is compilation of the images of their journey in order they were received.

Reflection: I often remember the words of Barbara Bush from her Commencement Address to the Wellesley College Class of 1990.  They have appeared in few reflections over the years. Looking at the current times, I would like to reflect on a few lines from those profound words, Yes Once Again.

“The third choice that must not be missed is to cherish your human connections: your relationships with family and friends. For several years, you've had impressed upon you the importance to your career of dedication and hard work, and, of course, that's true. But as important as your obligations as a doctor, lawyer or business leader will be, you are a human being first and those human connections --- with spouses, with children, with friends -- are the most important investments you will ever make.

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend or a parent.”

Entire speech: https://www.wellesley.edu/events/commencement/archives/1990commencement/commencementaddress

 

 

The Best Kind of Bosses.

 

Happy Boss’s Day.

POINT TO PONDER: “The best kind of people (Bosses, Mentors, and Friends) are those who come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. People who believe in you so much that you start to believe in you too. They are once in a lifetime type of people."

Story Line: A few years ago a former work colleague from China visited our place with her teenage son who had just completed the summer program at Stanford. As we were shooting the breeze in the backyard, Harry- the young man asked if I could share some lessons learnt from my time in Industry.

I have been incredibly fortunate to have met many kind, caring and helpful people in my career (Work Colleagues, Bosses and their Bosses, Supplier and Customer Representatives). Every encounter resulted in either a new friendship and/or some good learning experience.  I have shared many of these experiences in Friday Reflections over last 15 years. Today, on The Boss’s day, I would like to share the ones I told Harry (which were appropriate for his age and his immediate future) that I learnt from my Bosses and Mentors.

For every lesson below, I shared stories behind them with Harry. The Young Man seemed happy and, as the reward, recommended an Indian movie Dangal (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5074352/) that was popular in China.

Here are the key lessons from the stories I shared with Harry.

1. Ask one more question Try one more time. I was admitted for four years Bachelor in EE degree program at USC. A year and half later, I had graduated with Masters’ degree in EE and got a job in emerging industry in tough economic times. Ask One More Question
2. Being able to work with people was most important part of my success. Its’ people who make things happen not machines or algorithms.
3. Most important business relations are personal ones.
4. When you go to do one thing, come back with three. Complete the task you went for, develop new friendships and observe and learn from surroundings.
5. We get paid for solving real problems of our stakeholders (customers, investors and employees), not just reporting them or delivering  tools.
6. Learn from the mistakes/experiences of others. You will have plenty of time to make your own. Find a Mentor.
7. A desk is a dangerous place to view the world.
8. The best part of learning is doing.
9. Never have an attitude: "It’s not my job, they don’t pay me for it." Capitalize on every opportunity to earn good will, learn new things and develop new contacts.
10. Treat your job as your own business. Someone has put trust in you for the job. Be frugal, efficient in resource utilization, treat every individual with respect, be solution driven and don’t let go an opportunity (evaluate and if you cannot, refer someone else who can- will demonstrate your commitment to help and establish goodwill).

Reflection: On this auspicious day, I like to share the story about another great boss: Joe Zelayeta, a great human being I was fortunate to have as my Boss in the first company. 

His management philosophy was learned from sports, which he dearly loved and played through college. He not only taught me valuable lessons about work but also more valuable things about life. He came to Immigration with me for my Green Card call and when the Immigration officer asked me to leave the country (due to company’s HR error) he contacted the state department through our corporate office to find solution. He also took care of my entire trip logistics and expenses to bring me back. Later that year when I went to Philippines to get married, he and his boss (John East) made sure that my air ticket was covered, salary was on, and when I checked out of the hotel, the bill was covered. 

Years later, when I had called him and recounted my memories, and thanked him, this is what he said: "Good employees are hard to find. So I did everything possible to….. 

He is long retired but if he ever called me and asked me to work for him again you can guess what my answer is going to be: please read the full story in the link below....

https://fridayreflections.typepad.com/weblog/2017/10/good-employees.html

About My First Boss- Between You, Me and the Doorpost.

Point to Ponder: Your first boss is the biggest factor in your career success. A boss who doesn’t trust you won’t give you opportunities to grow. – William Raduchel

Story Line: The quote above starts with words Pick a Boss. I didn’t include it there because, like many people, I didn’t have a choice in picking a boss; especially at my first job out of school and in lean economic times. However, I was fortunate that the gentleman who welcomed me on October 13, 1975 at the doors of Raytheon Semiconductor in Mountain View, California was a very kind man and a very good boss. His name was Charles Fa and people affectionately called him Charlie.

The things I observed and learned from him became instrumental in career success and had a lifelong impact. He liked to tell stories and often used wartime analogies. He told me in the first week, “A good general always inspects his ground before he goes to war”, asking me to spend more time in the manufacturing area and research lab than in the office. He would visit the manufacturing area many times a day and politely ask if he can be of any assistance. He would take me to suppliers and would spend hours explaining how materials and machines were manufactured. Understanding those things helped immensely in effective process development.

Many times he assisted with setting up an experiment by adjusting tools or loading carriers with silicon wafers. He would also give another world war analogy about how conscious people were about using every little resource (even pins and papers) carefully. “Treat everything you use wisely as someone has entrusted you with their belongings”, he would say.

One time I made a stupid (very stupid) mistake that resulted in many broken wafers and caused delay in the development of process. I thought “This is the End. What will I do without a job?” Instead he and his boss comforted me and told me that I was working too many hours (14+) and needed some rest. Instead of writing up a warning or reassigning me to another job, they showed confidence in me; he brought a box of new wafers (material) and asked me to proceed with the next experimental run. That made all the difference in my confidence and excellent results that followed.

Charlie had a deep emotional sensitivity and caring side. When I was looking to buy a car, he came with me to the dealer and negotiated a good price. One time while I was in the middle of loading antimony powder (a toxic chemical) filled tube for a process, someone at the other end prematurely turned on the gas and all the powder flew on my face. He immediately came to my assistance and then insisted to take me to an emergency clinic even though I insisted I was OK. He not only drove me there but waited for hours until I was discharged late in the evening and then took me home. After that He would make sure that I attended follow up doctor’s appointments.

Reflection: Little did I know at the time that years before (in 1968) Charles Fa was cofounder of one pioneering Silicon Valley Memory Company. After he had left the company, he was approached by our General Manager who had known him from past work association and requested him to help us out. Charlie never talked about his past accomplishments. I found out about them only six months into my job from a speaker while attending an external conference.

Charlie had a childlike simplicity and a funny side that people liked. There was a lab technician named Fatima whom Charlie addressed as Veronica. While laughing she said “Charlie, How many times I told you I am Fatima.” Charlie said “Gee I am so sorry Veronica, next time I will call you Fatima.” She knew he was having light hearted humor and tapped him on his hand and said “Remember from now on.” Next time before opening the door to that lab, Charlie stopped, looked at me and smiled “Veronica right?” I knew what he was doing. He laughed and said lets go and see Fatima.

Often one would find Charlie mingling with manufacturing workers and technicians in the cafeteria about work, life and would notice their happy faces.

One more unforgettable signature item from Charlie. Whenever he would want to say something special, he would pull me in the corner and say, “Between you, me and the door post”. Many times it wasn’t confidential but Charlie would still do that while pointing at the door post. Once while he was on his signature line one maintenance guy noticed and jokingly screamed “Hey Charlie you are that  doorpost thing again?.” Charlie pulled me farther into the corner and continued.

PS: Synchronicity or what? I had planned to publish this reflection for a while. Two weeks ago, I saw a message in an email account I had not accessed for a while, there was a message from someone with the last name Fa; one of his children.

To: info@fridayreflections.com

Dear Mr. Shah:

We were doing a google search on our late father, Charles Fa, and came across your mention of him here: https://fridayreflections.typepad.com/weblog/take_risks/page/8/

It was thrilling to hear about something he said to you that you still recall.

Although our father passed away over 4 years ago, we still miss him a great deal.

We would love to hear any other memories you have from working with him.

Thank you so much!

……………… Fa

Charlie: Between You, Me and the doorpost: the lessons I learnt from You about emotional connections, simplicity, managing resources, trusting your employees and fighting a war (doing your work) by being in the field (manufacturing and labs) were valuable. To live in the hearts you left behind was a well lived life.

As you sow, so shall you reap.

THIS POSTER IS USED WITH PERMISSION BY THE CREATORS AT SCARBORO MISSIONS.*

Points to Ponder: At work or in the personal life always remember The Golden Rule 

Story Line: 300 senior ministers (aka managers) from all over the world had gathered in a large hall for the beginning of a leadership summit called by the person who had been crowned the new boss of the organization upon retirement of the previous boss. As it normally happens in such gatherings, after glorifying introductions, the new boss takes the podium to share his vision of the future. Things seem to be going well for the first few minutes until the new boss put up a poster that contained the strategies of his predecessor marked with a huge X over it. Attendees guessed: “Down with the old, Follow the new” was the message. However it puzzled some attendees:

 

Why did the new boss have to undermine the very person who chose him for the job?

Also anyone who had attended the farewell ceremony of the retiring boss had seen that the legendary Chief Executive of the company and many of the current senior executives had shared their fond memories of the retiring boss and highlighted his immense contributions to the company. In addition the company had asked the retiring boss to stay in the advisory role.

 

The common sense would indicate not to undermine someone who was leaving with so much respect and also the one who had chosen him as his successor. Why not focus on the future instead of talking about the past?

What kind of example it sets for the employees? More so when it was in the leadership conference that had many sessions emphasizing things like High Ethics, Uncompromising Integrity, Gratitude, Professionalism with examples of the great leaders of mankind.

 

And even after few years, some members of his staff took opportunities to criticize the strategies of the previous boss; still wondering whether their intent was to please him or to misguide him.

 

Fast Forward: a few years later…

 

Only senior members of the organization were called for a meeting. A new person had been appointed to lead that organization. The old boss (his new job "to be defined") was to report to the newly appointed boss and he was asked to be in the meeting. Some of the very members of his staff who in past had helped develop and praised his strategies termed those very strategies as Failures. One of his staff members even went as far as praising the very first boss (the retired one) and talked about the mistake of abandoning some of his strategies.

 

The old boss did not return to the meeting after lunch break and left the company soon thereafter.

 

Reflection: You may ask: Why this article and Why Now? In the last thirteen years of these reflections, occasionally I have received notes from the readers stating that FR covers stories that are positive in nature, pump up spirits type etc but “are there stories that are negative sounding and we can learn something from them too?” So here is one with many lessons about work and life.

 

But the message that stands above all is: The Golden Rule

*This poster is available to purchase from Ontario Multifaith Council and Interfaith Marketplace.

Penfriends - Half a Century Later

Points to Ponder: “The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?" -Pablo Casals (Spanish Cellist, Wrote music for UN Anthem for world peace, 1963 Presidential Medal of Freedom; b.1876-1973)

Story Line: On September 24, 1970, I saw an envelope in the mail box. It had exotic stamps on it that said Philippines, a place I had not heard of. It was from Luisa Go in Manila who had gotten my address from her best friend who was my cousin’s penfriend. I already had twelve penfriends in various countries but decided to make one more friend for the reasons mentioned in the Reflection section.

During childhood, Luisa had a fascination with Indian culture and people. I found out later that on the way home from high school, she would walk down a street full of shops owned by Indians who lived in Philippines. Filipinos called them “Bombay”. When she would reach home, her mother would tease her “Did you see your Bombay today?”

In 1969 she saw an American movie Maya which was about two teenage boys and Elephant in the jungles of India. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_(1966_film)). One of them was an American actor (Jay North) and the other was an Indian actor (Sajid Khan). She became a big fan of Sajid Khan. So when she learned that her best friend had a pen friend in India she asked her to find her one through her Indian penfriend. --and She became my 13th penfriend. 

That is how it all began fifty years ago. The rest of the story is in the reflection section that was shared on our 40th wedding anniversary two years ago. 

Reflection:  The Spy Who Loved Me During my years in elementary school, I developed an interest in collecting stamps. I heard that our neighbor was getting letters from Germany so every other week I would go to his window to check if he had received any letters, and ask if he had some stamps for me. After returning from one summer vacation, and expecting a ton of stamps, I went to his place only to find the windows shut. After a few more days with closed windows, I knocked on the main door of the house. The lady who was renting the room to him informed me that he had moved to Germany. Upon further investigation I found out that his “Penfriend” had come and they had gotten married and moved to Germany*. That was my first exposure to English word,"Penfriend.”

That experience added to my hobby of stamp collecting and I wanted to know more about other countries while improving my English. By the summer of 1970, I had Penfriends in twelve different countries.

So when my cousin Yogini informed me that she had given my address to a girl in Philippines who was looking for a friend in India, I was not very enthusiastic. All the other Penfriends I had selected were from countries where I could correctly pronounce the name. I had never heard about the country named “Fili Pines**”. Plus she was going to be No. 13. I also thought about having no more money to buy stamps to send letters. My cousin was persistent and informed me that the person she was recommending is the best friend of her penfriend Helen Tan in Philippines and I would be very happy. She also showed me the stamps from Fili Pines which were very attractive.

On September 24, 1970 I received the first letter from Luisa Go. The casual writing style, handwriting and the brief introduction was very appealing. And the stamps were beautiful. The only thing that seemed strange was she had used the word Penpal instead of Penfriend. But I accepted the new label considering that one purpose of having friends around the world was to learn new things.

Things started out well until in one of her subsequent letters, she mentioned that she had a Chinese heritage. Her father was born in China and had migrated to Philippines at an early age and her mother was half Chinese and half Filipino. The word “Chinese” raised a Red Flag on my side. In the early 60s India and China had a border war and after that the relationships between two countries were strained. When some people found out she was “Chinese” they gave me cautionary advice; be careful, Chinese are very smart and they might be trying to get a spy through Fili Pines. After some discussion with my parents about this I decided to take a chance and keep writing letters.

Over next five years, we exchanged many letters, stamps and sometimes coins as Bonus. She had great sense of humor and shared very interesting stories about places, movies and various things written on variety of papers in a very likeable style.

In 1974 I moved to California. After a string of coincidences, On August 2, 1978, I ended up in Philippines to meet her. Since we never thought we would ever meet in person, we had told each other enough secrets about ourselves leaving no need for confessions. So in my second visit there in September of the same year, we got engaged. During my third visit there on December 19, 1978, we exchanged vows “I Do” in front of the judge in Manila City Hall.

Reflection: The last forty years have enriched us with the great understanding of each other; for me, richness and diversity of Chinese and Filipino people; and for her, fascinating history and heritage of India and its people.

In August 1978, when I came out of the door of Manila International Airport for the first time, I saw two girls waiting outside. Instantly I recognized my Penpal. The very first thought that came to my mind was “Do I want to be with her for the rest of my life?” and my heart said “Yes”.
And Yes, through the years there have been some border conflicts (aka disagreements, dialogues), some intense, but not once over anything related to our countries, cultures or religions. Just excursions we would have had in any relationship even if the person was from our own culture. One ancient rule of warfare has been followed: Ceasefire before dark (and a goodnight hug).

In 14 years of Friday Reflections being in a public domain, I have never shared such very personal story. Thank You for allowing me to do so on the significant milestone in our journey; 40 years.

I will end with the words from a very first valentine card from my new life partner and former penpal (Year 1979.)

“You are life’s most precious gift to me, for the reasons even I can’t explain. I love you more and more every day.”

*in late 1980s we were able to track down that neighbor through common association. JayKrishna and Giesla came by our place during their visit to USA.

**We pronounced Philippines as Fili Pines in early days.