Friday Reflections

Never look down on anyone unless you're helping them up

Point to Ponder: "And my goal in life is to give to the world what I was lucky to receive: the ecstasy of divine union through my music and my dance." - MJ

STORY LINE: written by Rajiv Shah

I recently watched a film about the late Michael Jackson's life, THIS IS IT. I've been a fan of his for a long time – his music, his humanitarian work, and his capacity for compassion even when the world condemned him. One of the segments in the film touched me deeply and got me thinking about the theme of today's reflection.
            
Michael Bearden was hired as Michael's music supervisor on his last concert tour. A concert that never happened due to Jackson's untimely death. Bearden was recalling his strongest memory of Jackson- an encounter he had during their rehearsals together. The memory revolved around their shared first names, Michael.
            
Bearden and Jackson were working on a musical selection when Michael Jackson stopped and said, “Bearde, you know what our name means? Well, our name means one who is most like God.”
            
Bearden shook his head triumphantly and a cocky smile broke across his face.
            
Jackson was quick to stop him, “no, no, no, we got to be humble. We gotta be humble.”
            
Bearden could see Jackson sobering. “I am humble MJ. Why are you so serious about this?”
            
“Well, I don't want God to take our gifts away.”
            
Bearden shook his head, “I don't think that's going to happen. And I think your gifts are greater than mine.”
            
Jackson was heated, “no, no, no, don't say that. Don't say that.”
            
“Well, why MJ?”
            
“Because you're here with me and I'm here with you. And we have to use our gifts together to help people figure out what their gifts are.”
 

Bearden was speechless. Here was arguably the greatest entertainer of all time telling him that they were there to help other people discover their own gifts. Bearden would add that Jackson's humanity, his empathy, and compassion are what set him apart. For Michael, in Bearden's estimation, truly did care about people.

            
Reflection:
 
Much like Bearden, at first glance I misinterpreted what Michael had initially said about being most like God. Just like Bearden, I thought that Jackson was self-congratulating himself for his own gifts. That God had chosen them, to bestow onto them, these unique qualities and for that reason were better than others.

So I watched the segment again. And again. And the more I listened, the more I came to realize that Michael Jackson wasn't operating from the same motivations we sometimes do. Being like God didn't mean that they were to put themselves onto a pedestal, but his talent was a responsibility to help others find their own passion through the gift he was given - music.

How often do we use our talents and our gifts to exalt our own own needs? How often can we say that we used our strengths to help another shine? And if not, why? Why is it we feel there is only a finite amount of talent, a limited amount of joy, and why do we feel we must keep it only for ourselves?

So the next time we look down I hope it is not to look at how far we've risen past another, to congratulate ourselves, but is instead there to help another up – to use your passion to encourage another to discover their own 'gifts.'

 

Originally Published on April 8, 2010. Felt Appropriate to revisit the reflection now.

Happiness is a Choice

POINT TO PONDER

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.  - Mark Twain

 

STORY LINE *

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years taking care of patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded her experiences with those patients and she found common desires among them. They were published in a book called "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying."

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

 Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

 

*Originally published on August 4, 2103. 

 

In 2019, Please eat your lunch on time

Points to Ponder:  You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.
"If you don’t take care of yourself, nobody else would." advice from one senior manager in my first company.(1975-83)

Story Line: It was four o’ clock in the afternoon. Having no meeting for that hour, I went to the break room in one part of our company building. While sitting on a sofa, I noticed a guy sitting on one of the tables in the corner, eating something. A few minutes later his coworker walked in and asked, “Eating an early dinner?” To which he replied, “No, eating late lunch.” They chatted for a short while and then she left.

Having overheard the conversation, I approached the guy to confirm what I had heard that he was eating his lunch at four in the afternoon was true. To which he nodded yes. Even though it was not be any of my business, I felt compelled to ask the follow up question, “Do you have a family?” He told me that he had a wife and a little girl. I could see the shine on his face when he mentioned about his little girl. He seemed to know where my line of concerns/questions was heading. So before I could say anymore, he told me that his work had to be finished because of an aggressive project deadline.

I told him, “God forbid but if you don’t take care and something happened to you what would happen to your family?” I noticed the degree of concern building up on his face. I continued “My friend, in case something happened to you, the company policy allows only seventy five dollars for sympathy items; flowers take up most of it, and some department managers who are fanatic about cost might insist that the money must include the sympathy card and the delivery cost. A few friends from work might stop by to see your family for the first few months and then follow up with occasional phone calls to your wife. But in the most cases that’s as far as it would go. “Please take care of yourself first” I said. I believe he appreciated what he had heard. We had a very warm handshake before going our own ways.

A few weeks later, I saw him eating lunch in another breakroom of the company. It was two o’clock in the afternoon. Upon seeing me, he immediately said, “Making progress.” And we both smiled.

The very last time I saw him was in the hallway at 12:45 in the afternoon. As soon as he saw me, he signaled Thumbs Up. I expressed my pleasure with a smile.

Reflection: Why this story came to mind now? Last Year, seven people I knew from my 40 years in industry left this world. Five between the ages of 59 to 72 from one company I had worked for and the two at 79 and 88 from the first company I had worked for. One of the common messages that two of them gave to the friends who had come to visit them in their last days was: You have to take care of yourself first.

Happy New Year to All Readers Around The World.

 

When What You are and What You Do are aligned…

La'ie Point, Oahu

Point to Ponder: May be the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. May be it is about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be what you were meant to be in the first place. –Author Unknown

Story Line: In response to the Friday Reflection Be Yourself in late June, a reader Prasad Vepa commented as follows: Your cryptic reflection is sound indeed. It is similar to the last line of the advice Hamlet received from his father: “Above all, to thine own self be true!” The well known observation from Rumi points to the same insight: I kept knocking on the door until I realized I was inside! We generally knock on other doors hoping to find compatible shelters and voices until we realize we need to not knock — but unlock — our own door from within to find and uncover our authentic self in the cave of our own heart.

I would say that ‘Being yourself’ is necessary, but not sufficient. It is much more important to KNOW yourself. Otherwise one runs the risk of acting like one of our presidents who suffered from the illusion of being ‘The Decider’ and erroneously concluded that it conferred upon him the powers of a Nero and the wisdom of a Solomon! But he was being himself. The duty to awaken from our long, deep slumber of hazy illusion and to uncover the truth of our deepest self is the highest human obligation as Vedanta teaches us and as Shankara proclaimed. This truth will set us free and liberate us from suffering, which is really caused more by ignorance of our true self than by desire. When you know yourself you WILL be yourself. And your thought, word and deed will be aligned.--Your dear friend, Prasad Vepa

While reading his comments I remembered one of old colleagues and the choices he made about 18 years ago.

Reflection: I worked with him in late 90s. He was an engineer, easy to work with and very good at what he did. At the age of 38 he decided to return home to be with his aging parents; giving up on a very lucrative career, opportunities of Silicon Valley and all the rewards it could have brought him with his talent.

During our trip to Oahu in May, My wife and I spent two days with him reflecting on the time that had passed. His goal was to spend a few years after graduation on the mainland and then return home. Some would assume that he must have “Made It” in order to give up on the future rewards this growing industry would have brought. From what I know that wasn’t the case. He did what was consistent with who he was and what he wanted out of life.

Prasad Vepa’s comments and the story of my friend are appropriate to end the year; the time to reflect and also time to look forward.

Wishing You Fabulous Four Seasons

Dear Friday Reflection Community

Wish You and Family A Very Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday Season and A Fabulous Four Seasons in 2019.

We at Friday Reflections Thank You for your support, feedback and good wishes.

Love

Anand

The Spy Who Loved Me

Points to Ponder: “The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?" -Pablo Casals (Spanish Cellist, Wrote music for UN Anthem for world peace, 1963 Presidential Medal of Freedom; b.1876-1973)

Story Line: During my years in elementary school, I developed an interest in collecting stamps. I heard that our neighbor was getting letters from Germany so every other week I would go to his window to check if he had received any letters, and ask if he had some stamps for me. After returning from one summer vacation, and expecting a ton of stamps, I went to his place only to find the windows shut. After a few more days with closed windows, I knocked on the main door of the house. The lady who was renting the room to him informed me that he had moved to Germany. Upon further investigation I found out that his “Penfriend” had come and they had gotten married and moved to Germany*. That was my first exposure to English word,"penfriend.”

But that experience added to my hobby of stamp collecting and I wanted to know more about other countries while improving my English. By the summer of 1970, I had Penfriends in twelve different countries.

So when my cousin Yogini informed me that she had given my address to a girl in Philippines who was looking for a friend in India, I was not very enthusiastic. All the other Penfriends I had selected were from countries where I could correctly pronounce the name. I had never heard about the country named “Fili Pines**”. Plus she was going to be No. 13. I also thought about having no more money to buy stamps to send letters. My cousin was persistent and informed me that the person she was recommending is the best friend of her penfriend Helen Tan in Philippines and I would be very happy. She also showed me the stamps from Fili Pines which were very attractive.

On September 24, 1970 I received the first letter from Luisa Go. The casual writing style, handwriting and the brief introduction was very appealing. And the stamps were beautiful. The only thing that seemed strange was she had used the word Penpal instead of Penfriend. But I accepted the new label considering that one purpose of having friends around the world was to learn new things.

Things started out well until in one of her subsequent letters, she mentioned that she had a Chinese heritage. Her father was born in China and had migrated to Philippines at an early age and her mother was half Chinese and half Filipino. The word “Chinese” raised a Red Flag on my side. In the early 60s India and China had a border war and after that the relationships between two countries were strained. When some people found out she was “Chinese” they gave me cautionary advice; be careful, Chinese are very smart and they might be trying to get a spy through Fili Pines. After some discussion with my parents about this I decided to take a chance and keep writing letters.

Over next five years, we exchanged many letters, stamps and sometimes coins as Bonus. She had great sense of humor and shared very interesting stories about places, movies and various things written on variety of papers in a very likeable style.

In 1974 I moved to California. After a string of coincidences, On August 2, 1978, I ended up in Philippines to meet her. Since we never thought we would ever meet in person, we had told each other enough secrets about ourselves leaving no need for confessions. So in my second visit there in September of the same year, we got engaged. During my third visit there on December 19, 1978, we exchanged vows “I Do” in front of the judge in Manila City Hall.

Reflection: The last forty years have enriched us with the great understanding of each other; for me, richness and diversity of Chinese and Filipino people; and for her, fascinating history and heritage of India and its people.

In August 1978, when I came out of the door of Manila International Airport for the first time, I saw two girls waiting outside. Instantly I recognized my Penpal. The very first thought that came to my mind was “Do I want to be with her for the rest of my life?” and my heart said “Yes”.
And Yes, through the years there have been some border conflicts (aka disagreements, dialogues), some intense, but not once over anything related to our countries, cultures or religions. Just excursions we would have had in any relationship even if the person was from our own culture. One ancient rule of warfare has been followed: Ceasefire before dark (and a goodnight hug).

In 14 years of Friday Reflections being in a public domain, I have never shared such very personal story. Thank You for allowing me to do so on the significant milestone in our journey; 40 years.

I will end with the words from a very first valentine card from my new life partner and former penpal (Year 1979.)

“You are life’s most precious gift to me, for the reasons even I can’t explain. I love you more and more every day.”

*in late 1980s we were able to track down that neighbor through common association. JayKrishna and Giesla came by our place during their visit to USA.

**We pronounced Philippines as Fili Pines in early days.

All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.

Thanks to Saeed Malik for introducing me to “The Little Prince” in the year 1988

Point to Ponder: Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Story Line: The Little Prince
At first glance one may assume that “The Little Prince” is a book for children. After all the cast of characters are: a Pilot, a boy named “The Little Prince”, a Fox, a Snake and a Rose. But in reality few stories are as widely read and as universally cherished by children and adults alike as “The Little Prince”. In my belief it is a story even more valuable for adults and it is easy one hour reading time.

Here are a few teasers from the book*:
The narrator begins with a discussion on the nature of grown-ups and their inability to perceive, especially relating to important things. The narrator becomes a pilot, and, one day, his plane crashes in the Sahara, far from civilization. In the middle of the desert, the narrator is unexpectedly greeted by a young boy who is nicknamed as "the little prince".

Over the course of eight days stranded in the desert, while the narrator attempts to repair his plane, the little prince recounts the story of his life.

The prince begins by describing life on his tiny home planet: in effect, a house-sized asteroid known as "B 612" on Earth.

The prince has since visited six other planets, each of which was inhabited by a single, irrational, narrow-minded adult, each meant to critique an element of society. They include:
• A king with no subjects, who only issues orders that can be followed, such as commanding the sun to set at sunset.
• A narcissistic man who only wants the praise which comes from admiration and being the most-admirable person on his otherwise uninhabited planet.
• A drunkard who drinks to forget the shame of drinking.
• A businessman who is blind to the beauty of the stars and instead endlessly counts and catalogs them in order to "own" them all
• A lamplighter on a planet so small, a full day lasts a minute. He wastes his life blindly following orders to extinguish and relight the lamppost every 30 seconds to correspond with his planet's day and night.
• An elderly geographer who has never been anywhere, or seen any of the things he records, providing a caricature of specialization in the contemporary world.
It is the geographer who tells the prince that the prince next visit the planet Earth.

The visit to Earth begins with a deeply pessimistic appraisal of humanity. The six absurd people the prince encountered earlier comprise, according to the narrator, just about the entire adult world on earth. Below are some sample dialogues before you dwell into the fascinating, deeply philosophical and meaningful story for life and relationships.

“People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for...And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

“Where are the people?” resumed the little prince at last. “It’s a little lonely in the desert…” “It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake.”

“Grown-ups love figures... When you tell them you've made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you "What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? "Instead they demand "How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? "Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

“Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready-made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me...” said Fox.

Reflection: In the modern times where elementary school teachers have to remind the parents to slow down and let kids be kids, In the corporate orientation classes for the fresh graduates when the presenter tells them “Welcome to the ‘Real World’”, For people needing coaching in “Emotional Intelligence, The Little Prince will enlighten and open the eyes about what the real “Real World” is like. As the narrator says to the little prince “Men occupy little space on Earth”

The analysis of the book in Encyclopedia Britannica sums it up well: The Little Prince draws unflattering portraits of grown-ups as being hopelessly narrow-minded. In contrast, children come to wisdom through open-mindedness and a willingness to explore the world around them and within themselves. The main theme of the fable is expressed in the secret that the fox tells the little prince: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

*Source for the Story Line Teasers: Wikipedia.

Cover Photo from The Little Prince in my book collection. Motion Picture has since been released. If any further interest beyond this reflection, then Recommend to read the book first before watching the video.