Friday Reflections

Happy Thanksgiving from Friday Reflections

 

At Friday Reflections, we're thankful for all of our wonderful readers and the comments and feedback you regularly share with us.  You make Friday Reflections what it is, and we appreciate it.

Note: Last week's reflection about Mister Rogers got many readers' interest. In response Prasadbhai Vepa sent a wonderful article from The Washington Post titled " I used to hate Mister Rogers. Then I discovered how much I needed him." It is worth reading and pondering during the holidays. Another friend and a reader from Penang, Chiao Ju Seow extracted a few Points to Ponder from that article and shared for a dialgoue.

Points to Ponder: “Some days, doing ‘the best we can’ may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect on any front — and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.” - Mister Rogers

“People have said, ‘Don’t cry’ to other people for years and years,” he said, “And all it has ever meant is ‘I’m too uncomfortable when you show your feelings’ . . . I’d rather have them say, ‘Go ahead and cry. I’m here to be with you.’ ” -Mister Rogers

Thanks to Prasadbhai and Chiao Ju for their kindness in sharing these golden nuggetts and Special Thanks to All of You for supporting Friday Reflections for 14 years.

 

 

 

He was so afraid of dying (making a mistake) that he forgot how to live (missed great opportunities)

One will never reach distant shores, if he chooses to remain upon the dock. In fear his little ship of dreams may be dashed against the rocks.  -- F. Bolen.

The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it.  -- Thucydides.

 

Storyline:

Two people look at the same new idea: one looks at the current data (today’s realities) and says, “This is very difficult, almost impossible. What if we go for it and fail? What will happen to us?”  The other looks at tomorrow’s possibilities and says, “What if we go for it and succeed? What would that data look like?”

It is the same idea, but one looks at possibilities and the other at dangers, one creates the future while the other is imprisoned by the present. And there lies the difference between successful entrepreneurs and institutions versus the others:

The unsuccessful ones are afraid to fail. When an opportunity is presented to them on a silver platter, they hide behind a wall of caution. Under the disguise of “cover all the bases” and “due diligence”, they create an infrastructure of over-diligence. 

Many good things in life do not wait for people who are busy analyzing all the dangers - not while someone down the street is dreaming of all the possibilities and ready to grab them.

 

Here are two stories of successful entrepreneurs ... the ones who know “how to live”:

1. The beginning of Excite (Source: Joe Krauss, founder of Excite and Jotspot)

“While we were still in the garage (literally), we met with at least 15 different venture capital firms. The meetings we're all the same. We showed them our search technology, showed them 'concept-based' search, and showed them targeted advertising. To a firm, the first question they asked was a very reasonable one: 'Great stuff guys, but what's your business plan? How are you going to make money?' Of course, being 22 years old and fresh out of college, we replied: 'We thought you could help us out with that.'

(Apparently, that's the wrong answer. Who knew?)

Then we met Vinod (Khosla)... By then, our deal had developed a certain "smell" - smart guys with interesting technology, but an uncertain business plan. The demo to Vinod started off like they all did, but about 10 minutes into the meeting things got very different. He interrupted "Can the technology scale? Can you search a large database?"

Big Pause. It's not the money question. No one has ever asked us this before. Ummm. "We don't know. We can't afford a hard drive big enough to test." Ten minutes into this meeting, his first introduction to us, he pulls out his cell phone, dials his assistant and buys us a $10,000, 10Gb hard drive. After that, Vinod, along with the venture capitalist who introduced us to him, Geoff Yang, invested in the company's first round of financing.” Then Excite became a very successful company.

 

2. CP/M Versus MS-DOS

When IBM decided to get into the PC business, they approached Microsoft and Inter Digital Research for the operating system. Microsoft had only application software, not an operating system; while IDR had the leading OS of the time called CP/M. However, the IDR people tied up IBM in legal details and non-disclosure agreements, while Gates signed the NDA on the spot, and then found someone to develop OS for Microsoft. The rest is history.

 

Reflection: "When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.” - Paulo Coelho

The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

 

Points to Ponder: If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of others you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.- Mister Rogers

Discovering the truth, about ourselves is a lifetime’s work, but it’s worth the effort. -Mister Rogers

Story Line: The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.

The thing I remember best about successful people I’ve met all through the years is their obvious delight in what they’re doing and it seems have very little to do with worldly success. They just love what they’re doing, and they love it in front of others.

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster”, I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers-so many caring people in the world.

It’s very dramatic when two people come together to work something out.  It’s easy to take a gun and annihilate your opposition, but what is really exciting to me is to see people with differing views come together and finally respect each other.

Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.

Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.

Reflection: From Mr. Rogers’ speech at Emmy for Life Time Achievement Award*

"So many people have helped me to come here to this night. Some of you are here, some are far away and some are even in Heaven. All of us have special ones who loved us into being. 

Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are, those who cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life."

"10 seconds of silence. I'll watch the time. "

"Whomever you've been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they have made.”  

*Entire speech is in the video at the top of this reflection. Thanks to Mary Abel, former colleague and a good friend, for introducing me to this video. It inspired me to write this Friday Reflection; coincidently a day before the movie A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood with Tom Hanks as Mister Rogers is going to be released.

Leaking Bucket

Points to Ponder: We struggle to fill our lives with earnings of knowledge, hoping it will retain it all, but it leaks due to the many flaws that we commit daily.

Reflection: One of my bosses had a special skill. Whenever anyone in the organization started criticizing other people, other organizations or unleashed superiority complex, he would gently nudge the conversation and make us realize that we too had enough problems of our own and a lot of things to focus on. Also in my last job, we had a group of employees who wouldn’t hesitate to point out if my words and actions showed gaps. Both those experiences been humbling and they have helped in the journey of continuous improvement.

Today I received the following story from a reader* that reminded me of those people and good to reflect on it for the holidays.

Story Line: Leaking Bucket

You're very kind to outsiders/people in power and speak with them gently, but with your own family/employees you're inconsiderate and rude. (A leaking bucket)

You honor and treat your guests well but when they leave, you gossip about them and talk about their flaws. (A leaking bucket)

You try to read as many religious books, listen to sermons, participate in social services but you judge, criticize, hate, insult and curse daily. (A leaking bucket)

You frequently advice/preach others, but hardly practice it yourself. (A leaking bucket)

You slander people with different believes, culture, choices and Faith out of hatred when their views do not align with yours. (A leaking bucket)

You look down on others and feel more superior to them; judging their level of knowledge and socials status based on your perceptions, incomplete facts & external appearances. (A leaking bucket)

You wake up early morning trying to do Prayers but your mind is elsewhere and before you know it, you're done with it, without being mindful of it. (A leaking bucket)

We struggle to fill our "lives"(the bucket) with "earnings" of knowledge (the water), hoping it will retain it all, but it leaks due to the many flaws (the holes) that we commit daily.*

An excellent reminder for all including MYSELF to try and mend these holes up so we may progress further through this inevitable curriculum of life.

*story sent by a reader in India with a humble request not to use his name because he read this somewhere and does not know the original source.

Loose lips sink ships. Especially after a few drinks.

World War II poster by Seymour R. Goff. 

Points to Ponder: When it comes to senior management there are no casual conversations. Anything you say or do can be used against you at an appropriate time in the courts of the corporation.

Storyline: Most Senior Managers live A Purpose Driven Life. That purpose is connected to objectives, key results, associated success indicators and that extends into all aspects of their life including home life (that story in future FR). They feel the time is very precious and every moment has to be used into some productive output and even casual conversations fall into those categories. Here are two of the many stories I have encountered during my career.

 Story One: First Impression and knowing the audience.

One day I received an email from a guy in my group who was visiting a facility in a foreign country. He was very excited that he had run into my boss in the hotel restaurant, and as he mentioned “We had an exciting shoot the breeze session (casual conversation)”. A week later in my 1:1, the boss told me about that meeting and said “Your guy told me that he was there to just check out on things. Seemed to me that he didn’t have a very clear purpose for the trip. For just checking out, why didn’t you use our local people?” There was some other conversation that is not mentioned here for confidentiality reasons. But the same meeting and the same words but very different interpretations. The guy was there for a very critical supply line issue but in the half an hour with the VP, in his excitement to “Break the Ice”, he had broken the Iceberg that I had to tackle for years after.

Story Two: Holiday Season Parties and after a few Drinks (1976)

The General Manager (GM) of our division had invited his direct staff, some engineers and the spouses to his place to celebrate holidays and to appreciate 60-70 hours per week that we had put in for the entire year to start the new manufacturing plant and introduce the flagship product. At dinner very delicious food and exotic drinks were served. After dinner more vintage wine started flowing and the people seemed determined to shed their inhibitions and let the night take its course.

In one room the casual conversations between spouses drifted in the direction of the work life effectiveness. Many Spouses felt that because of long work weeks, their partners did not have enough time at home for children or themselves. They came to the other room to express their feelings to the general manager. The spouse of the design manager (DM) took the lead in starting the conversation on behalf of the team, but with the drinks warming up the blood, and more joining, it got very intense. Words got out of control and looking at our general managers’ face, I felt that things were not looking good. The event ended soon after. As our still gracious GM was walking us towards our parked cars, I heard him tell the DM: (name) I have never been humiliated so badly by anybody.

A month after the incidence, DM office had been moved from Mahogany Lane to our lane: the lane of the working class. His special privileges like having a secretary were suspended and he was stripped of his title and staff. He left our company a few weeks after.

Reflection: Yes in both stories above, supreme EGOs were involved and there were better ways to handle the situations. The stories like above have happened in other places and with all genders. In my 40 years career, I have witnessed episodes of casual conversations resulting in unwanted consequences; not only the type mentioned above but also others where they were brought up during performance review discussions, key job assignments and promotional considerations.

On the flip side, FR has and will continue to publish stories that have resulted in positive outcomes and good benefits.

Holiday Season is fast approaching and the readers may encounter more articles on this subject (about caution and moderation) in other publications too.

This FR is: One For The Road.

 

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten ...

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"

Storyline: From the article Challenging the Rules from the book A Whack on the Side of the Head by Roger von Oech.*

When faced with a seemingly intractable problem, a very effective creative thinking strategy is to play the revolutionary, and challenge the rules.

In the winter of 333 B.C., the Macedonian general Alexander and his army arrived in the Asian city of Gordium to take up winter quarters. While there, Alexander heard about the legend surrounding the town’s famous knot, the “Gordian Knot.” A prophecy states that whoever is able to untie this strangely complicated knot will become the king of Asia.

The story intrigued Alexander, and he asked to be taken to the knot so that he could attempt to untie it. He studied it for a bit, but after some fruitless attempts to find the rope ends, he was stymied. “How can I unfasten this knot?” he asked himself. Then he got an idea: “I will make up my own knot-untying rules.” He pulled out his sword and sliced the knot in half. Asia was fated to him.

Reflection: If constructive patterns were all that were necessary for creative new ideas, we’d all be creative geniuses. Creative thinking is not only constructive, it’s also destructive. Creative thinking involves  breaking out of one pattern in order to create a new one. 

All too often, we become ensnared by the familiar phenomenon:

1. We make rules based on the reasons that they make a lot of sense.
2. We follow these rules.
3. Time passes and things change.
4. The original reasons for the rules may no longer exist, but because the rules are still in place, we continue to follow them.

So what knots can you untie today?

*Published with Permission From Roger von Oech (2007)

You Can Win It in the Late Innings If You Don’t Quit - Robert Forster

 

Points to Ponder: I don’t care what kind of story you tell yourself, if you know what is truth but do not let that motivate you, you get what you deserve. - Robert Forster

Story Line: Every Life Tells a Story and Every Story has some lessons.

Robert Forster made his Hollywood debut in 1967 movie Reflections in a Golden Eye with two of the greatest; Marlon Brando and Elizabeth Taylor. His performance received praise and what followed was The Stalking Moon with Gregory Peck, and then in 1969, another legendary film Medium Cool. First Five years in Hollywood were thunderous success. But soon after his career hit strong head winds and the age of 30 he was struggling to find movie roles.

"If you deliver excellence right now, that gives you the best shot at the best future you've got coming."- Robert Forster

The next 27 years were an intense struggle. He had to support his four children. In addition to occasional movie roles, he took jobs as a dishwasher, a waiter and railroad worker. In an interview for AARP magazine last October he said: Any job can be raised to the level of an art form, I don’t care what it is. I used to hate washing dishes. I got so good at it now I tell hostesses, ‘Listen, I’ll wash stemware for you, I never break them.’ I used to hate changing babies, and then I had four. I taught them self-respect and satisfaction. If you’re looking for the good life, these are huge components. And you can get them every day by offering your best effort to whatever it is you’re doing. It’s simple."

Who knows at which precise moment your fortune can change?  For those 27 years, every morning Robert used to go to a coffee shop right across from where he lived. One day Quentin Tarantino, Director and Screenplay writer of highly acclaimed film Pulp Fiction walked into the restaurant. Quentin was a fan of Robert since he was a kid. They chatted for a while and the next time Quentin walked in, he offered him a role in his upcoming movie Jackie Brown. Robert was thrilled and for the role of Max Cherry, he received Oscar nomination. That reignited his career. Since then Robert has been in 70 movies and 37 TV shows; and 46 major roles since turning 70. “You put in enough years and every once in a while something terrific comes along,” said Foster in AARP interview “You’ve got to keep sluggin’ until that happens.”

 Everything teaches you something. The job of real life is the job of caring for others. Everything you do in life is superfluous compared to that" - Robert Forster

About 25 years ago Robert started a program called 'Interacting' to share the lessons he had learnt from hard times. Initially it was for actors but through the years the scope expanded to people from all walks of life. Until his last days, he continued to encourage, motivate and help people for free by telling the stories from his life. As he used to say” The Truth is Free. It is BS that costs a lot of money.”

Robert gave his best for any role he played. However, one line from him will stay with me forever: First time I ever played a bad guy. I didn’t want to do it. I got stuck in bad guys for 13 years after that.

Forster once said that when his career was at its lowest ebb, he had what he called an "epiphany." "It was the simple one," he said, "when you realize, 'You know what? You're not dead yet, Bob. You can win it in the late innings. You've still got the late innings, but you can't quit. Never quit.'"

Reflection: Robert left this earth last Friday (October 11), the same day his latest ‘El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie’ was released. Robert was a genuinely kind, humble, caring soul. Through his many roles in movies and in life, he helped, mentored and inspired many people. He will always live in the hearts he left behind.

“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived-This is to have succeeded.”

 

Special Thanks to Brian Landberg for sending Best Story Ever video.

A little bit of appreciation goes a long way

Points to Ponder: “The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated.” -William James, American psychologist and philosopher.

In India, there is a saying: Khushi Khuda Ko Bhi Pyari Lagti Hai (Even the Mightiest of Mighty loves praise.)

Story Line: In the restaurant the server was very friendly, caring, and sensitive to our special needs, while handling everything with a smile. We felt so good that while signing the bill, in whatever open space was available, I thanked her and wrote: You made this day extra special and memorable. She took the bill and within a few seconds returned. She had tears in her eyes. She told us that in her 37 years of service she had never received a note from a customer, and especially ‘this was so touching’. She informed us that it was her last week before retirement and the note was a memorable gift. From that day on, whenever I receive a good service, I have made a point to write a note to the server. (Everytime I do that, my wife exclaims “There you go again. Writing an Essay.”)

In 1995 our boss took us to a meeting with the senior executive about a huge customer order. Our team presented why it was impossible to meet such high demand in that environment. I was very impressed with the way the senior executive motivated the entire group about possibilities and showed the confidence in group’s capabilities. After returning to my office, I sent him a note appreciating the way he created positive self-expectations and winning attitude.

A few weeks later, he saw me in the hallway and asked if I was the guy who sent that note. Then he took me to his office and while showing my note posted on his wall, told me that he had taken it home and showed it to his wife and daughters. He seemed very happy.

Many years later, I ran into him at the sky harbor international airport. By then he was already the Chairman and CEO. He recognized me and said that he still had that note.

In my last place of work, the café cook made very delicious fish. After the meal, I would go and thank him. A few years later, my wife and I were at a Greek restaurant and I ordered fish. When the server brought food, he told me that the cook had put special touch on the fish. He pointed at the kitchen. I was pleasantly surprised to see the smiling face of the guy who used to be at my place of work.

Reflection: I have been fortunate to have met many kind and generous people who have shown their appreciation in various forms and in many different ways. It has been the fuel that added fire to my motivation, loving work and in looking forward to the next day. 

In 1984, the start-up company I was working for had our very first customer audit by McDonnell Douglas Corporation. After three days of intensive scrutiny, the auditor from McDonnell Douglas took his tie pin (small DC10 replica) and put it on my tie. In the presence of my peers and management, he mentioned that while other customers follow “Don’t ask Don’t tell to the auditor" approach, we were so proud and excited to show him everything, even more than he would have asked. He had never expected that from a small company. I have never forgotten that scene. In my not so good understanding of manners, I casually asked if they also made F15/18 tie pins. A few weeks later, I received another tiepin in the mail.I have held them dearly and kept them in the bank safe deposit.

“If you give appreciation to people, you earn their good will. But more important than that, practicing this philosophy has made a different person of me.” - William James

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

Points to Ponder: Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed. - Mahatma Gandhi

Story Line: Timeless teachings from Gandhi on his 150th Birth Anniversary (October 2)

I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the fault of others.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.

You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.

My religion is based on truth and non-violence. Truth is my God. Non Violence is the means of realising Him.

There is a higher court than courts of justice and that is the court of conscience. It supersedes all other courts.

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”

Reflection: Hate the sin, love (forgive) the sinner.

During Noakhali religious riots in 1946, Gandhi started fasting until death unless the people stopped killing one another. The People from different rioting parties approached Gandhi to promise they would stop and asked him to eat. The real event from that time is shown very well in the movie Gandhi by Sir Richard Attenborough.

Gandhi suggests A Way Out of Hell for the man who had killed a young boy from the opposing side.

“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” ― Albert Einstein.

 

 

Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions*

POINT TO PONDER

“It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.”  - Steve Jobs

STORY LINE

The year was 1984. My boss and I were in a one on one meeting. As I was explaining the details of one project, my boss intervened and said, “you are defensive”. I was taken aback by the comment and immediately replied, “I am not defensive,” and started explaining why.

A few minutes into my explanation, my boss put his pen on the table and with a cunning smile on his face he said, “I rest my case. Let us move on to the next subject”. 

It took me a while, a long while, to understand the depth of the feedback he had given me.  For a considerable period of time I criticized him for being so blunt. But over the years, I realized how valuable his feedback was and how helpful it became in my career.

For example, there was a time in my career when I decided to go into business for myself. I bounced the idea off of my mentor, an accomplished executive. He endorsed the idea. Initially, the business grew, doing quite well, but I also discovered that it I did not like to do many of the minor tasks that are required for running a business. 

Noticing that, my mentor said to me, “you need to go back to work for a company. You have lost the discipline to run the business as an individual owner. But you have a lot of experience and track record that will be helpful when you have resources available to guide”. Yes it was a tough pill to swallow... But it was also very true. 

So I went back to work at a company, and looking back, it was a very good advice. I had a stellar career in the corporate world and could focus my strengths in places I could maximize them most and led to a successful and fulfilling career. 

REFLECTION

Feedback is a valuable gift but many times it comes in forms that can be hard to take, especially if comes wrapped in the form of blunt honesty. But after the initial hurt and anger wears off, and you can look at the feedback for what it is, it can lead to tremendous growth. We just have to be able to put our ego aside to see it. 

*Title is a quote from Ken Blanchard

Being republished due to Readers' requests. Original date August 27, 2015.