Friday Reflections

“Kindness and Consideration of Somebody Besides Yourself Keeps You Feeling Young.” –Betty White

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder:  “My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’” –Betty White

Storyline:

On New Year’s Eve, beloved television actress Betty White passed away just weeks shy of her 100th birthday.  Widely mourned by audiences everywhere, White’s popularity defied generational boundaries.  With every age and era she seemed to find a new groove, from her roles on such TV classics as The Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Golden Girls to more recent roles in Hot in Cleveland and the movie The Proposal.  In 2010, thanks to a fan-launched Facebook campaign, White became the oldest person to host Saturday Night Live at 88 years old–“the only SNL host I ever saw get a standing ovation at the after party,” former head writer Seth Meyers remarked.

As well as a talented actress and gifted comedian, White was a pioneer, one of the first women to produce and host for radio and television as well as a longtime advocate for animal welfare and an ally for marginalized people.  Her insistence on giving screentime to Black tap dancer Arthur Duncan resulted in the cancellation of The Betty White Show in 1954, and she was outspoken about her support for the LGBT+ community.

And indeed, even after over sixty years, she never seemed to lose her passion.  Every moment she was onscreen, she stole the show, whether she was ribbing her costars or poking fun at herself.  “If one has no sense of humor,” she wrote in her memoir If You Ask Me (And of Course You Won’t), “one is in trouble.” 

Reflection:

There never has been, nor will there ever be, another Betty White.  A sentiment I’ve seen floating around the Internet in the weeks since her passing is that she managed to live such an extraordinary life and bring so much joy to people over the years that nearly everyone agreed that 99 years old was far too soon.

Success in Hollywood is rare; to achieve the longevity Betty White had is unimaginable.  Perhaps one of the reasons she could remain such a powerhouse and hold her own in a famously aging-averse agency was because she’d spent her entire life one step ahead of the times.  Even now, we are only just starting to catch up to where Betty was in the 1950s in terms of her creative control and her acceptance of others.

But the reason she resonated with so many of us, from Gen Xers like my parents to children of the Internet like me, was her humor and her heart.  She was quick-witted, snarky, but always compassionate.  And as Anand pointed out to me while we were drafting this article on Monday, every picture of her radiates joy.  She loved life, and she lived a life full of love: for people, for animals, and for being onscreen, making us laugh.

January 17th would have been her 100th birthday.  On behalf of everyone and all the lives you’ve touched, Betty, thank you for being a friend.

 

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.

The Path of Life Will Be Much Smoother if Each Mile Begins with “S”

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder: “The people whose first instinct is to smile when you make eye contact with them are some of Earth’s greatest treasures.” –DailyGoodQuotes

Storyline: Of the many people Anand’s met and worked with over the years, few have made as big an impression as Xiomara Cedillo.  Every day, employees grabbing their morning coffee or their lunch would be greeted by name and Xiomara’s sunny smile, a gesture that, while small, radiated kindness and positive energy.  People like Anand left the checkout register feeling invigorated, motivated to carry on with their workday.

“I've always believed that a smile is your signature,” Xiomara says.  “You don't need to wear makeup or fancy stuff, a smile will open up any doors for you.  A smile will let you see different points of view.  Take everything with a smile and nothing will be as bad or hard as it seems.”

Growing up in El Salvador, Xiomara had a very social childhood: “In my neighborhood, everyone knew each other,” she says.  “Nothing existed--no electronics, no social media.  We had toys made out of sticks and the tops of soda bottles. It was simple, but I was very happy.”  Xiomara carried that energy with her when she began working in the US, even on days when it wasn’t easy.  “I tried not to let bad days bother me at work,” she says.  “In customer service, you have to put out good vibes and have a good way of looking at things.”  Her positive energy was so widely appreciated by those she met that when her company’s catering contract expired, the employees of the customer’s company requested Xiomara be kept on with the new staff.  Though grateful for the opportunity, Xiomara found staying on difficult when faced with questions about her less fortunate coworkers, and eventually ended up leaving for a new position.

Even after switching jobs, Xiomara has left a lasting impression.  “Of the people I keep in touch with, I remember about 150 names,” she says.  “One person I met started visiting me at my new job and brought me cookies and an Olaf beanie she made me.  Another person invited me and my grandson to spend time with her.  I saw someone from my old job on his birthday, and when I talked to him, he was surprised that I still remembered his name.”

While the pandemic has disrupted these friendly interactions, Xiomara encourages people to remain optimistic.  “Stay positive–I know sometimes it's hard to when you confront a problem or something bad, but just take it easy.  Take it as it goes.  God would not give you anything too hard for you to handle.  Just work it out, take it as a good challenge, and be positive about it.  Whatever comes, just face it.  It's part of life.  If it doesn’t happen the way you expect it, you’ll learn something from it.”

Reflection: Last week we discussed sunsets, and how they act as an opportunity to reflect on the past.  Now, as the sun rises on 2022, it’s important to start the year off right.  A smile can be a beacon of light in times of darkness, and if all of us follow Xiomara’s example, greeting the New Year and those around us with a smile, that light will shine brighter and stronger. 

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.

Why do people take more pictures of sunsets than sunrises?

Majestic Sunsets around the world: 93 locations

By Phoebe Pineda

Points to Ponder : “As your day comes to a close, ask yourself whether you’ve done everything you set out to do or been the person you desire to be.” - Everyday Power.com

 Story Line: Why do people take more pictures of sunsets than sunrises?

Perhaps it’s because many of us (particularly those of us who are night owls) aren’t awake for the sunrise.  But maybe it’s that there’s something special about sunsets – about how no two sunsets are alike, each with its own combination of striking colors lending new life to deserts, cityscapes, and ocean waves.  Every sunset is as unique as the day it concludes, an opportunity to take a step back and reflect on what we learned.

In one of my last writing classes, our professor had us submit an essay reflecting on each of our writing assignments.  In each reflection, we looked back on our writing process and the decisions we made: how did we make our writing easier for a reader to approach?  What type of reader are we writing for?  What were some of the challenges we faced, and what aspects did we enjoy?  The goal of these reflection essays, according to my professor, was to track our progress as writers – to keep a log of how we approach different assignments and what we learn in doing so, which can be a very valuable tool for improvement.  They also serve as a way to validate our growth, providing something we can look back on and see where we were and how we might do things differently, or how trying something new for one essay became integrated into our approaches to other essays.  It can feel tedious picking our work apart, rehashing what we’ve already written instead of pursuing something new, but at the same time, looking back at something you’ve completed and meditating on it can feel refreshing.  You’ve already done the hard work, and now you can relax and really acknowledge the amount of hard work you’ve put in, and how it’s paid off.

Where sunrises serve as a command, or a call to action, sunsets offer catharsis.  It’s why we take so many walks at dusk on the beach, or spend so many evening car rides just peering out the window, watching the glass go from golden-orange to rosy lavender as night falls.  My family’s spent the past few New Year’s Eves chasing that final sunset, and it feels like a fitting conclusion, a way to stop, breathe, and say goodbye to the old year in all its highs and lows, all its joys and hardships.

We’ll head into 2022 anew, with visions for what we want to accomplish and how we want to get there.  But as we ride out the final hours of 2021, I encourage everyone to take a moment to sit back and watch the sky.

 

Countries: Botswana,Cambodia,CostaRica,Scotland/England,Fiji,Guatemala,Japan,Laos,New Zealand,Malaysia,Philippines,Samoa,India,Indonesia,Israel,Taiwan,Thailand,Tonga,USA,Zambia.

Contributors: Sunsets Around The World Video. 93 locations, 31 Photographers, 20 Countries, 5 Continents

Alankar Naik: North Carolina (182-193), Alka Pandya: Mumbai (115-116),Boon Seng Tan: Hillsoboro,OR and Pismo Beach,Ca (97,103,150), Chen Ping and Oliver Chen: California Coast and Yosemite(114, 143-144), Chet Thaker: Zambia and Bostwana (163-168,172-179*), City Ong: Penang, Malaysia (69-72,,89,99-100,104,108-109,113,124-135*,141-142,181), Gabriela Cruz Thompson: Costa Rica/Oregon (110-112),Gordon Ching: Ohau, Hawaii (117-119,121-123*,139-140),Haresh Parikh: Ahmedabad, India (203-207),Kalpana Shah Korvar:Poona, India (145-146*),Kashyap Shah:KeyWest,FL and Kannapali,Maui (170,180), Kevin Rockwood:Manila, Philippines(153),Madhuri Narkhede: Picacho Peak,AZ (136),Mayur Desai: SanDiego,Ca (161-162),Mihir Shah: San Francisco Bay, Pillar Point,Ca (154-55,202),Nitin Godiwla:Rhode Island (229), Phobe Pineda: Culver City,Ca (157), Rajan Shah:Mussorie and Coorg India (137-8,156), Rajiv Shah: San Francisco (105-106),Ronak Shodhan: Ahmedabad,India(228),Samantha Baud: Los Altos,Ca (171),Sharad Mehta: Amelia Island,FL(169),Sharvary Trivedi: Goa,India(67-68),Shashank Phadke: Moffet Field, Ca(158),Shinji Hioki:Oregon Coast(101-102),Swati Desai:Dwarka,Nasik,Abu,Goa-India, Bali(194-201),

Prasad Vepa:Montara(8),Carmel(9),BarHarbor(13),parque(22),PacificGrove(54),SantaCruz(55),Sunnyvale(56),Saratoga(147),Maui(148).

Gautam Singampalli: SanJose(160),GandCanyon,MonumentValley,Guatamala,Assam, AcreIsland-Israel,Jerusalem,LaguanaBeach-Ca, Outrey-Colorado,Amritsar,Ladakh,Yousemite,MountShasta,HalfMoonBay,MountWhitney and Mahabalipuram(208-227).

AnandLuisa Shah: Goa(1-4),Kauai(5-7),BryceCanyon(10-11),YellowStone(12),Christchurch,FranJoseph-NZ(14-15),VitiLevu-Fiji(16-21),SiemReap-Cambodia(23-25),LuangPrabang-Laos(26),Zion(27),DeathValley(28-29),Sunnyvale(30,98),Milpitas(31-2),Pascadero(33),Bali,Indonesia(34-37),SanLuisObispo(38),KingCity(39),LosAltos(40,96,107),Upolu-Samoa(41-47),Savaii-Samoa(48-50),Haapai-Tongatapu-Tonga(51-53),Glasgow-IsleofSkye-Scotland(58-61),HalfMoonBay(62-63),Seattle(64-65),SantaClara(66),ChianMai-Thailand(73),Bohol-Philippines(74-76),ElNido&Coron-Palawan(77-86),Okinawa-Japan(87),Alishan-Taiwan(88,90-94) and MountainView,Ca(151-152)

Unknown(95,120)…

*Few Photos of Moon.

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.

Yosemite after first snow.

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Wonderful Winter Wishes to our loyal readers from Friday Reflections Team. 

Your support, encouragement and feedback has inspired us to carry on Friday Reflections for over 15 years. 

Enjoy the immense beauty and versatility of Yosemite in Autum by Gautam, the person featured in last week reflection.

Live the Life You've Imagined (Part 2-Do What You Love)

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder:  “Fill your life with experiences, not things.  Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.” –Anonymous

Storyline: When Gautam, at the age of 23, scrounged some money from his best friend Subha and bought a train ticket to Nepal in the summer of 2008, he had no idea it would change his life forever.  After living a sheltered childhood in India and going through the motions, spending three months hitch-hiking and backpacking in the Himalayas was eye-opening.  “From an experience like that, a switch in your brain just turns on,” he says.  “On that trip, I understood what freedom meant.”

Though he earned his degree in engineering, Gautam’s true passion is exploring the natural world.  For the past decade, he’s traveled the world with his now wife Subha, also an engineer from a similar background.  From spending their honeymoon with the Pech Indian tribe in the remote jungles of Honduras to riding motorcycles up the Pacific Coast Highway, all the way to Seattle, little seems off-limits for Gautam, who prefers to venture off the beaten path rather than stay at hotel rooms in crowded tourist destinations.  Yet he doesn’t see his unconventional lifestyle as risk-taking: “Out there in raw nature, you never push yourself to do what you think you’re capable of,” he says.  “You have to be able to enjoy what you’re doing.”

While Gautam loves exploring the natural beauty of the various and diverse landscapes the world has to offer–from glaciers and mountain ranges to deserts and rainforests–the real draw of many of the places he visits is the people he meets, many of whom have shown him immense kindness and hospitality.  “When you meet all these interesting people, you learn so much about humanity in general,” he says.  “It reinforces the fact that people are inherently good.” 

Parenthood has also been a key part of Gautam’s journey: “Kids look at you as an example of how to live, so now you have no choice but to be the best version of yourself,” he says.  “I have to learn things to make it safe and more educational for them, which is only making my life more enriched.”  During COVID, Gautam took advantage of the opportunity to truly bond with his children, taking them on coast to coast road trips to Florida, camping in places like Yosemite and many other national forests in the Sierra Nevada mountain range, and planting a vegetable garden.  “I want my kids to learn that you have the freedom and ability to do what you like to do,” he says.  “A lot of people want to do many things, but they have a lot of fears in mind.  If it's an honorable passion, what I want them to learn is that you should do what you like.  Only when people do what they like can beautiful things happen.”

Gautam’s goal is not to excel at one single thing, whether that’s work or climbing.  Rather, he wants to experience the variety of what the world has to offer, regardless of skill level.  “For me, it’s about learning, to satisfy the curiosity of mind,” he says.  “I don’t have to be the best engineer or the best mountaineer.  As long as we’re giving our best and having fun at it, it’s okay.  It’s my life.”

Reflection: While talking with Gautam and writing this post, I thought about the song “Try Everything” from Disney’s Zootopia, and the saying “jack of all trades, master of none, but better than a master of one.”  Your passion doesn’t have to be limited to one specific field or area.  If you can be passionate about life, about trying new things, then you open yourself up to all sorts of possibilities and opportunities you may not have had otherwise.  You don’t have to be the best at everything, or even one single thing.  Sometimes it’s only when you try–and fail–that you can really experience freedom.

 

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined.... * 

From L-R: Camping in Himlayas, Leh-Ladakh, @16000 feet, Annapurna-Nepal, Ice climbing Frozen Waterfall-Outray-Colorado, SanJose to Seattle on Motor Bike, Burning Man, Indian Creek-Utah

 

Honeymoon in Honduras (where there are no hotels or tourists)

“Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see further.” Thomas Carlyle

 Row 1-Mount Shasta, Row 2 Mount Whitney, Row 3-Mount Rainier

Row 1: Mount Hood, Grand Titon. Row 2: Yosemite, Rock Climbing in Tahoe, Thousand Island Lake

*....As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." ― Henry David Thoreau

Serenity of Home Sweet Home: Home grown, Home Cooked

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.

Do What You Love, or Find Love in What You Do (Part 1)

 

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder:  “I don’t discover anything new; I reveal what’s already there.” --photographer to Queenie Thompson, Queenie (1987 miniseries)

Storyline: CT Ong’s photography can best be described in one word: revelatory.  Each picture captures a single moment, and each moment reveals a story.

For CT (aka City), photography is a sort of meditation, a way to relax the mind by concentrating on a single subject.  Wildlife photography, for instance, is an exercise in patience, in adapting to your subject’s behavior and waiting hours to get the perfect shot. “Calming down the mind and taking a break during photography actually helps me to look at work and other life problems or issues differently,” he says.  “There are many times that a solution pops up when my mind is relaxed.”

An engineer by profession, CT discovered his passion for photography when he volunteered to take pictures at an international conference.  CT enjoyed seeing the detail in people’s expressions and natural behaviors, and afterwards he began taking pictures in his daily life, documenting everything from business trips to family celebrations.  With travel suspended during COVID, CT took to photographing his neighborhood: birds visiting flowers in his garden, vivid sunsets painting the sky in vibrant reds, and even droplets of water swirling around a leaf.  “Through the viewpoint of a camera,” he says, “I learn to discover beauty in everything I see.”

Reflection: Many of us have a profession (something we’re good at) and a passion (something we love).  Your profession and passion may not be the same, but you can find ways to incorporate the two.  Much as CT is most focused and ready to solve engineering problems when he’s behind the lens of a camera, having diverse interests outside of work can help enhance our creativity and spark new ideas.  The more ways we have of looking at an issue, the more options we have to tackle it.

They say that the brain is most creative when it has to work within limitations, and COVID provided a great opportunity for CT to hone his craft, to really capture the simple beauty of his immediate surroundings.  Plans may change and circumstances might be less than ideal, but sometimes, when we’re under pressure or constrained in our thinking, that’s when the most interesting discoveries emerge.

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

 

Anand and Phoebe first met at a Kid-to-Work Day over two decades ago. Once a week, they meet to discuss the various stories, experiences, memories, and lessons he's collected over the years. They approach each conversation from two different stages in life, one looking forward, the other looking back.

The Forest Said Nothing, It Just Let Her Breathe.*

Alishan National Forest, Taiwan - Photo by Luisa Go Shah

Point to Ponder:  “In solitude there is healing.  Speak to your soul.  Listen to your heart.  The answers are often found in the absence of noise.” --Dodinsky

Storyline: Special Thanks to Milan Trivedi, one of our readers, who sent in this beautiful poem by Becky Hemsley.  

Breathe

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and danced with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she'd been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by fires,

And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

*You can support Becky’s work by following her on Facebook or visiting her shop on Etsy. 

Reflection: I think a lot of us, particularly those of us who are women, can relate to this poem -- this feeling of never being good enough, that nothing you say or do will ever please people.  It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the demands different people make of us -- teachers, employers, family, friends -- and so it’s incredibly important, especially as we approach the holiday season, to take time to sit with ourselves and just let ourselves be: without judgement, without obligation, without fear.

 

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

 

Leaders Can Come From Anywhere, at Any Age.

Happy Thanksgiving

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder:  “A person always doing his or her best becomes a natural leader, just by example.” --Joe DiMaggio

Storyline: On November 4, after eleven years playing Major League Baseball, San Francisco Giants catcher Buster Posey announced his retirement.  The news shocked fans -- Posey had just helped propel the Giants to their best season in history, and at only 34 still seemed to have more ahead of him.

From the moment Posey first stepped foot in the Giants clubhouse in 2009, he made an impression.  Sports broadcaster Mike Krukow recalled that Posey had a presence unlike any other rookie he’d seen, an “it factor” that left even his veteran teammates in awe and eager to impress him.  That energy helped reinvigorate an aging team of underestimated misfits, as Posey and the team led San Francisco to win its first championship in 2010 and two more in the span of five years.  He played every game with a focused determination, a drive to push the team forward that remained untouched by ego, and became a quiet leader to those around him, a person his teammates could rely on and an opinion they could trust.  Posey is perhaps nearly as famous for his “Buster Hugs,” a hallmark of nearly every major victory in these past 12 years and a testament to the strength of his relationship with each Giants pitcher, as he is for his playing.  As basketball player Steph Curry described it, “There’s always a feeling of somebody who represented one organization for his entire career and did it with class the entire time.”

Buster Posey’s final season feels like an encore, a last hurrah before the curtain falls and the lights go down.  He opted out of the 2020 season to spend time with his family and his newly-adopted twin daughters, and came back this year stronger than ever, the longest-tenured member on the team and a leader to a group of new up-and-comers.  It was not the first time he’d returned to the game after a hiatus, and perhaps one reason fans were so caught off-guard by Posey’s decision to retire was because they were so used to seeing him get back up again, fall after fall.  But playing one of baseball’s most physically-taxing positions takes its toll, and at the end of the day, Posey decided to place not only his family first, but his own well-being.

Former Giants pitcher Barry Zito said it best in a Twitter tribute to his old teammate:  “You have what most of us MLB players never did, true perspective.  You didn’t bow down & worship the game of baseball as if it were your God.  In the eyes of @SFGiants fans, you walked on water but to you, it was just a game you loved to play and that’s why you played it so well.  Perspective.  You cared about the game but didn’t let it define you the way we all did.  Whether you were winning one of your 3 World Series titles or in the middle of a career-worst slump you were the same Buster, focused, friendly and always professional.”

Reflection: It doesn’t take a seasoned veteran to make a leader.  At 23, Buster Posey was already setting an example for his team before he’d even played his first game.  For twelve years, his dedication, humility, and commitment to his teammates never wavered.  His priorities, too, remained unchanged -- while baseball was his livelihood, at the end of the day, at the peak of his career, he chose to step away and take care of himself and his family.  That, too, takes confidence.

Happy Thanksgiving, Buster.  We’re thankful for you and all you’ve given us, and we know your family is too.

(An additional thanks to my mother, a lifelong Giants fan whose input helped make this post possible, and to our readers around the world, for your continued support and contributions to discussion through the years.  From all of us at Friday Reflections, Happy Thanksgiving.)

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

Leaving Lasting Memories

Friends never say goodbye -- they simply say “See you again.”

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to Ponder: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” --Maya Angelou

Storyline: People leave their jobs for a myriad of reasons, whether they’ve found a better opportunity elsewhere, are dissatisfied with their current job, or are simply ready to move on to the next stage of their life.  There are many ways to say goodbye to your colleagues, whether with a goodbye, a hug, or an “I’ll miss you.”  But how can you tell someone how much they meant to you, and how important they were to your experience?

Whenever he left a job to pursue something new, Anand took a cue from his dad and wrote a personal letter to each of his colleagues, from close team members to suppliers, customers, and many others he’d developed relationships with during his time in the workplace.  In the days leading up to his final retirement, he went one step further, creating over 100 one-page PowerPoint collages with pictures, meaningful quotes, and email exchanges to capture the memories he had with each person (or the team) -- trips they’d taken, projects they’d worked on, triumphs they’d shared.  Even now, years later, he still encounters old colleagues at the farmer’s market or during an invitation to dinner and reminisces over the memories they shared.

If you’ve spent time at any organization -- a school, a club, a company -- you’ve likely made some friends and lasting memories.  Why not celebrate them?  Every ending is a chance to reflect, and like all things, reflecting and reminiscing are more fun when you share them with others.

Try also to leave on good terms with people, even if you didn’t always agree with them on certain issues.  You never know when your paths might cross again--and every disagreement was a learning experience you’ll carry with you in the next stage of your life.

(Pictured below are two collages, one made for my dad and one for the team in Malaysia.  Each collage featured three components: work-related memories, such as the graph at right; personal quotes and messages, in the bottom right and middle; and photos of memorable moments.)

Reflection: When I think of lasting memories, I think of high school, the smell of uncapped Sharpies permeating the air, ink staining fingertips as people scribble notes--hasty or heartfelt--in each other’s yearbooks.  Yearbook signatures are like miniature time capsules of your relationship with a person.  We’ve all written “HAGS” (have a great summer) in the yearbook pages of people we didn’t know well.  But the notes we look back on are the stories -- the inside jokes from English class, the impromptu late-night trips to Trader Joe’s, the hours you spent with people at track practice or rehearsals for Seussical or working on the school newspaper, long after everyone else had gone home.

My final goodbye to high school was an Instagram account I ran with my best friend where we posted memes (Internet jokes) based on classic literature.  It was a fun way to spend the last few months of high school and pay tribute to our English classes (and our English teachers, who we still love dearly), and even though neither of us have the time to update it anymore, it’s fun to look back on some of the memories we captured and the reactions from our classmates.  One post I always return to is a series of memes I made about our graduation ceremony, an event that was as chaotic and unintentionally hilarious as it was emotional.  For all the difficulties many of my classmates and I experienced during those formative years, we could always get through it with humor and heart -- and I know that for all the grievances I’ve had with my university, when the time comes to say goodbye, I’ll look back on my time here fondly.

Final thoughts:

Entering your third year of college after spending a third of your undergraduate career on Zoom is a strange experience.  Many of my peers and I still feel like second years, barely acquainted with this brave new world of experimentation and possibility yet already being asked to contemplate our next steps.

We tend to think of college as a final destination, the culmination of thirteen long years of hard work, but it’s really a transitional space.  I think that’s true of a lot of stages in our lives: the end of one journey is the beginning of another, and there’s always a weird in-between to negotiate.  There’s a time for looking back, reflecting on where you’ve been and what you’ve learned, but eventually you must move forward, to go new places and learn new things.  Whether you’re a high school freshman or a senior in college, a newcomer to the workforce or a soon-to-be retiree, I think this advice will help all of us navigate two of the most significant times in your life -- the bookends of adulthood.

 

(Thank you all for your kind words on my previous post -- I’m glad I was able to make a good first impression.)

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.

You Don’t Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to ponder: “Two things remain irretrievable: time and a first impression.” --Cynthia Ozick

Author’s note: Anand and I met at a Kid-to-Work Day nearly two decades ago.  He was my dad’s boss, and when he wasn’t letting me doodle on his whiteboard while he and my dad talked shop, we were having conversations about books I’d read, or trips he’d taken.  Anand and I bonded over a shared love of stories, but where my knowledge came mostly from books, his came from years of experience -- talking to people, traveling the world, making mistakes.

My dad incorporated Friday Reflections into our nightly reading routine, which I admired then for its mixture of fun anecdotes from history and life and admire now for the lessons imbued in each chapter.  Years after those initial bedtime readings, Anand enlisted me to help him bring more of these reflections to life.  In our own reenactment of Tuesdays with Morrie, we meet once a week on Zoom, where he tells me a story and I shape it, much like a gardener pruning a tree.  We approach each conversation from two very different stages in life, one of us looking forward, the other looking back.

In the life cycle of every experience at an organization -- be it school, the workplace, or even a club or Scouting troop -- there are two important endpoints: the time you join, and the time you leave.  Today I’ll be sharing Anand’s thoughts on first impressions, and how to make them count.

Storyline: Early in his career, Anand was sent overseas to manage product engineering and quality operations in Manila.  Despite being technically competent, he lacked the maturity to interact with management -- he knew all the written rules, but not the unwritten ones.

As Anand completed his assignment, a more experienced colleague named Vic provided him with some advice for making a good first impression: When you join a new group or organization, don’t start making big changes right away.  Take the time to observe and get to know your environment -- you’re a newcomer, in an ecosystem with its own way of functioning.  Really gain an understanding of the culture and the relationships between people: who works with who?  What is most important to the organization, particularly to those in charge?  Just as you need to understand the geography of the landscape in order to build a road, you need to understand how your organization works in order to get things done.

By observing his environment, Anand discovered more crucial aspects of making first impressions.  First, don’t talk too much about your past job or previous company -- that’s history.  Success in a new environment depends on being able to adapt to that environment.  Instead of fixating on your previous experiences, spend more time getting to know the people you’ll be working with.  Ask them about what they do, what their priorities are, what excites them -- they’ll know that you’re present and interested in them.

Once you’ve gotten a sense of how the group works, you can start to bring in suggestions from what you’ve learned from previous experiences if you observe any areas that could use improvement, without bringing up the name of your previous organization -- but don’t try to force them.

These lessons became very important to Anand throughout his career.

Reflection: All of us have entered a new environment -- college, the workforce, a club or organization.  Adjusting can be difficult, especially when you’re the sole newcomer in a sea of experienced people who all know each other and have certain habits and routines.  But if you observe and pay attention, like a scientist studying an animal habitat, you can learn something new.

If you transfer to a new university for creative writing, but all you do is compare it to the writing program at your old school, people will wonder why you left in the first place.  Instead, get to know the faculty and your classmates--what drew them to the program, what genres and topics they write, what they’ve learned and what they still want to know.  You don’t have to abandon your old ways entirely, but learning the new ways will make your experience much easier.

Next week, we’ll discuss the importance of leaving lasting memories.

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.