Friday Reflections

Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance

Happy Father's Day wishes to all friends around the world.

Quotable Quotes:

"My dad was my best friend and greatest role model. He was the person I looked up to more than anyone" - Tiger Woods.

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” - Jim Valvano.

Story Line:

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance" - Ruth E. Renkel.

And that richest inheritance is in the stories, the lessons and mentoring that he provides to his children. The third Sunday of June is celebrated as Father's day in America. It may be good time to reflect by driving down the memory lane. Many people have the fondest memories of spending time with their fathers. For me, here are the lessons for a lifetime taught by one great person: my father.

1. The most important relations are personal ones. Use the power of your finger to keep in touch on a daily basis. It is people who make things happen, not the machines.
2. In the future, women will be very dominant in all segments of world affairs. They are learning all the hard skills that men have, and they have the soft skills that will be crucial for success in the new world.
3. People with hands-on skills will never go hungry.
4. In sales, the important thing is not what you want to sell but it is what the other person wants to buy.
5. No one gets poor by cashing in their profits. “Bulls will win, bears will win, but it is hoggers who will get slaughtered.” Never buy on margin. Never play naked calls. 
6. Never get in the middle of elephants’ (people with power) fights, because there is an old African saying, “When the elephants fight, it is the grass (a small guy) that gets crushed.”
7. Anyone who comes to your door should not leave empty handed. Treat them with respect, serve them a cup of tea; and when they depart, let them carry a lifetime of good will.
8. The world is too big. There are an abundance of opportunities. If you believe in yourself, there is always a room at the top for your talents somewhere in this world.
9. Relationships of the mind are temporary but the relationships of heart will stay forever.
10. Ask one more question. Try one more time.

Two of his favorite quotes:
"A son is a son until he finds himself a wife. A daughter is a daughter all your life."
“An old soldier never dies. He only fades away.”

The most important secret of successful networkers

Point to Ponder:

"The best prospect is the client who has already dealt with you. The second best is the one referred by a client who has dealt with you previously. The third best is the one referred to you by another trusted professional or friend." - Marilyn Jennings.

Story Line:

"The successful networkers I know, the ones receiving tons of referrals and feeling truly happy about themselves, continually put the other person's needs ahead of their own." - Bob Burg

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend (let's call him Joe) with whom I had worked a long time ago. During our conversation, Joe mentioned a very lucrative deal that he had signed a few months ago with a new client. He told me that I was indirectly responsible for him getting the deal and thanked me.

I was surprised. I did not know anyone at his new client, and I did not recollect referring him to anybody. So my curiosity compelled me to ask him “How did I help?”

He told me that many years ago, during a previous lunch date, I had mentioned to him that one of our common friends (let's call him Sam) was looking to hire a consultant to help him set up his new company.  Joe talked to Sam to see if he could offer his own services, but learned that Sam was looking for help in a different area.

However, Joe had recently worked with a young kid that he thought might be a better fit for Sam's needs, and so enthusiastically (and successfully) referred him.  Some time after the successful completion of that contract, that kid had joined another company.

It so happened that just recently, that other company needed help in the area of Joe's expertise. So, one thing led to another, and with the kid's enthusiastic referral, Joe got his foot in the door and landed a good contract with a new company.

Reflection: Networking is not about contacting others when you need them. It is about keeping relationships and landing a helping hand to people any time.

Bonus PTP: "More business decisions occur over lunch and dinner than at any other time, yet no MBA courses are given on the subject." - Peter Drucker

What kind of people do you work with?

Point to Ponder: Wherever there is a town, there is treasure and there is trash. It all depends on what you see (or what you are looking for).

 

 

Story Line (from an an old Sufi story): A tale to remember when looking for a new job, or even a new organization, culture/country/city to move to. 

 

A guy was in his final job interview with the hiring manager. The guy said, "I am deciding whether I should move here or not- and I wonder what people here are like?"

The hiring manager said, "Tell me what kind of people work in your current company?"

The guy said, "Nothing but politicians, idiots, and self-centered people." The hiring manager said, "You know, that is exactly the kind of people you will find here, too." So the guy left and never came back.

 

Another person came for an interview at the same place and asked the same question of the hiring manager. "I am thinking of moving here- can you tell me what kind of people work in your company?"

Again, the hiring manager asked, "Tell me what kind of people work in your current company?"

The new person said, "Oh, they are kindest, brightest, most teamwork-oriented, compassionate people. I really love them. I shall miss them terribly." The hiring manager said, "Those are exactly the kinds of people you will find here, too."

 

Reflection: What are the fondest memories of places you have lived, worked and traveled? What are the greatest things about your current environment?

 

 

“Challenging” and understanding the context (mentor tips)

Points to Ponder:

"In this age of rapid technology growth, mentoring within and across departments is a LEAN way to develop individual skills with a company focus." - George Samuel.

“Do not speak unless you can improve the silence” - Mentor Advice

 

Story Line: “Challenging” and understanding the context.

“The company you are going to has a very aggressive culture. People will start challenging you even before you put your foil on the projector.” So said my colleague KK Roy as I departed Raytheon to work for another company. The year was 1984.

Now I did wonder, how someone would know what am I going to present even before I put down the first foil and turn on the projector? But in this rapidly growing technology world, anything is possible - so I decided to be patient. It took only a few days to notice that KK was right on, challenging was a way of life in that culture.

Some meeting and encounters reminded me of the scenes from Kung Fu movies, where "challenge"  meant to fight the opponent (opposing views) until destroyed; some other reminded me of the scenes from some Western movies where “You are with us or you are against us."

It almost seemed that some people believed that they were measured by how many times they challenged somebody in the meetings. At least in some circles, there seemed to be no regard for human feelings, or the understanding that each person is different ... that confrontation and challenging for the sake of challenging were not the only means to drive peak performance.

I was puzzled. But then I was also fortunate that the company had a good buddy system. My buddy was a veteran senior manager who later on became my mentor for life. I told him what I had observed and asked his advice. He explained that the intent of the system was to challenge a person’s thought process, stimulate intellect and thus bring out the best for the project and individual’s personal growth.  The presenter was supposed to advocate ideas and the audience was supposed to look for the proof of worthiness by posing questions and also suggest different options for better solutions.

After he explained the context, he invited me to join some meetings and observe how the process worked as intended. Those meetings were intense too, but the difference was in how people were challenged. Some pros did ask many questions, but in a way that helped presenter clarify his own thought process and elevate himself to the new level. For the presenter, it felt like a better (improved) person came out of the door than the one who went in.

Reflection:

This is one of the examples of benefits of having a good mentor.  A mentor that has been through the path you are about to travel and can explain the context and intent of different things. A mentor can teach the tricks of the trade that are not taught in schools or corporate training classes, and this learning can save mistakes and also help in getting things done much faster (LEAN). That frees up time to acquire new skills and take on more responsibilities. WOW - that improves return on assets both for an individual and the company.

If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive

Point to Ponder:

The choice of words and how one approaches a person can create a dramatic difference in results.

"If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive."
  -Dale Carnegie in How to win friends and influence people.

Story Line:

Freddie seemed very upset. She had received her monthly cell bill, which showed a $423 charge for additional minutes over her family plan. She looked through the details and found many errors in the bill. Very upset, she called the phone company.

As soon as the customer service person came on the line, Freddie screamed “YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE”. There was a silence on the other side for a while and then conversation did not seem to go well. Suddenly there was a big noise; Freddie had hung up on the guy.

Freddie was about to call the phone company, when her companion in the next cubicle walked in. She gave her some tips about the next call. This is what followed.

“Good Morning, XYZ wireless. This is Jackie.” 

“Good Morning Jackie, I need your help.” Said Freddie

“Certainly” said the other side.

The conversation seemed to go very pleasantly. A few minutes later, jubilant Freddie walked in the next door neighbor’s office and said that her bill was corrected down to $135. The customer service person also had told her about the new plan that allowed a customer to identify 10 frequently called numbers for unlimited free calls. In addition, the customer service person looked at Freddie’s current month phone bill to date and informed her that it was running over the limit but she would sign her up for new plan retroactively to the beginning of the month. That resulted in another $34 savings.

Wow! Whopping $322 savings just with different choice of words and new approach.

Reflection:

Now some may say that this is common sense and also the first customer service person should have handled the irate customer better. But the common sense is not so common and we witness this kind of episodes many times in interaction between people.

By pointing finger at someone or implying it is their fault, we are putting that person in a defensive position and that person will do his best to defend him/herself.

By asking the person “I need your help” and describing your situation with courtesy, we are appealing to emotional and compassionate side of the person and he/she may go our of her way to help you.

To live in the hearts one leaves behind

Point to Ponder:

“All those honors are great, but personally I would ask that anyone who wants to pay tribute to me, for any reason, I would say there is one thing you could do above everything else and that is: Never let a day go by where you neglect to tell your loved ones that you love them.” - Walter Payton, one of the greatest human beings and one of the top ten American football players of all time.

Story Line:

In this FR, I would like to share a story about people and an event that has influenced my career and life in a significant way. The message is relevant for all time but especially more so important in current times.

The story is about three executives of high technology industry, my superiors in the first job, two of them were in their early 50s and the third in late 50s. All of them had very successful careers; one of them was a General Manager and President of the Fortune Fifty company; the honor accomplished by the time he was 38 years old. The other person was head of manufacturing and the third person was the CEO of a company in Asia. For whatever reason, two of them often told me stories from history or their life and career experiences. The practical lessons I learnt from those stories are something not taught in any schools or normal training classes. Additionally they had been very kind and helped me in many other ways in career and personal life*.

It was the first week of March in 1984 (25 years ago). I had met two of them in a party in previous week and the third one for dinner on the 8th. As in the past, they shared some reflections from their career but on that occasion they talked a lot more about their families. The memories of those evenings and every piece of conversation are still fresh in my mind. Each one of them told me that they planned to retire in 2-5 years. They shared some of the things they planned to do in retirement. They also said that they had taken time off on that Friday to go fishing outside Golden Gate Bridge towards the north of San Francisco.

On the following Sunday morning, I got a call from a friend. He asked me if I had read the newspaper. Those three people whom we knew dearly and respected immensely were missing at sea. They never returned.

That event and those great individuals made a huge impact on me in shaping my life and career that followed. “To live in the hearts one leaves behind is not to die.”

Reflection: 

The reflections that two of those three individuals had shared had similar message as contained in the following paragraph from "Never Die Easy", the autobiography of Walter Payton. 

Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have a right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish. I hope my story is at least the example of that. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

Most important thing though, if you love someone, tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. Remember, tomorrow is promised to no one.

___________________________

* http://fridayreflections.typepad.com/weblog/2007/10/in-asia-most-of.html

Lessons about life from Vajubhai, our school Principal

"It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow beings." - Gandhi

No human being is inferior to another just because of his birth or because of his work.

Story Line:

Teachers are the backbone of a nation. Next to parents, they are most instrumental in instilling good values in children. Those values shape not only the children’s future but that of a society as a whole.

Our Principal in school, Vajubhai, was one such great teacher. He believed that education was more important than just literacy. He introduced curriculums that were not just focused on class room book learning but also on real life education.

One such “educational” event that happened annually was an Appreciation Day for all the educators. That was the day where students were to thank all the people who made it possible for their education, every individual involved in keeping the entire system operational.

On Appreciation Day, we would gather in an Assembly hall or an open field. All those who made our education possible; teachers, administrative assistants, book keepers, bus drivers, yard cleaners, janitors and others were recognized and students would thank them.

There was one part of this event that was controversial. This is where our janitor, Trikam, would be invited on the stage and asked to raise the school flag. Then we would sing the school anthem and after that, salute Trikam. This was to be followed by a handshake with him. There was not a year when I did not notice tears in Trikam’s eye during this part of the ceremony.

Now many would wonder what was so controversial about this? Well, Trikam was not only a janitor but he was from the lower class of society classified as an “Untouchable.” To have upper class kids, most of them from wealthy families, salute a “lowly” worker and then shake hands with him was not something that was tolerated by some people in those days.

When this event was first introduced, it had created uproar. Some wealthy donors had cancelled their money contributions and also pulled their children out of the school. Additionally, every year some parents were displeased that their children were being asked to participate. Some had even asked or warned to keep their children away from the “Hand Shake” part of the ceremony.

However, Vajubhai did not give in, and in the process he taught some very important lessons about life that many years after, some of us still fondly remember and talk about during reunions.

 

Reflection:

The lessons (education) that Vajubhai instilled in students were:
1. Every human being must be treated with respect and recognized for his or her contributions.
2. He did not compromise on his believes and values even when pressured with cancellation of crucial donations.

If life gives you a lemon, make lemonade

Point to Ponder:
"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
- Winston Churchill

Story Line: Courtesy of Urmil Desai and Anil Deora

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, & miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house"

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots.  But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them.

Musical and pictorial version of this story:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiAIVLEe-JU&feature=related

The story of a good man

“We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers."  - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Story Line:

There is an old story of a man who lived as well as he could but along the way, he did commit a few sins.

When he died, his sins required him to spend a short time in hell before going up to heaven.

Hell didn’t look that bad to him. There were no fires and the food was plentiful, looked and smelled delicious. But everyone seemed aggravated.

You see, in hell, the spoons were longer than people’s arms. Every time they tried to place the spoon full of food in their mouths, food would drop over their shoulders. They were cranky because though they were so hungry, and could smell the delicious food, they could not get the food in their mouth.

Finally, the man was transferred to heaven.

Upon entering heaven, he smelled the same delicious food and could not wait to curb his hunger. Heaven looked exactly the same as hell. Everything was pleasant and he saw the same spoons in heaven as he had in hell. Shocked for a moment, he noticed everyone in heaven was happy. With the same food and long spoons, he wondered why.

You see, in spite of the large spoons, the people in heaven were able to enjoy the delicious food because they helped each other out and fed each other.

Reflection: 

"Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision, the ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results." - Andrew Carnegie.

Before pointing to someone's dirty laundry ...

Thanks to Karyn Shaffstall/Atma Baweja for sending this wonderful story for self examination. (Original source unknown)

A young couple moves into a neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.

"The laundry is not very clean", she said to her husband. "The neighbor does not know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About a month later the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look! She has learned to wash correctly, I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband said: I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!

Reflection: How clean is your window?

And so it is with life: what we see watching others (peer groups, competitors, different cultures and nations) depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Before we give criticism, it might be good idea to check our state of mind and ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge.

And oh yes! I almost forgot ...

I see you much cleaner than I did yesterday ... And you?