Friday Reflections

Just Give Me the Facts!

POINT TO PONDER

There are no facts, only interpretations.

                    ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

 

REFLECTION

facts - something that actually exists; reality; truth

interpretations - to give or provide the meaning of; explain; explicate; elucidate

    Can a fact ever be divorced from the interpretation of that fact? Or does the truth always lie somewhere in between, where each person's truth is different from the other? Perhaps, it is not the truth that matters but how we use it to get what we individually need? 

 

STORY LINE

Have you ever seen Rashomon? If not, check it out (click the photo above for a link to the complete film), not only because it's one Akira Kurasowa's great films but because the film seems to attempt to answer this very question posed by Friedrich Nietzsche. Warning: the following reflection contains spoilers for the film. 

    The film centers around the rape of a wife and the subsequent murder of her husband. The film recounts what happened from four different points of view: the bandit that supposedly raped the wife, the wife herself, the now deceased husband (told through a medium), and a woodcutter who witnessed the rape and kept the dagger that was used to murder the husband.  

    The film takes us into the court hearing of the murder to determine what really happened. The facts at that point were that all the said people were involved in some way, a man was dead, and a dagger had been used to kill him.

    According to the badit, he seduced the woman after tying her husband to a tree. Filled with shame, the wife pleaded that he fight her husband in a duel so as not to dishonor her. After fighting valiantly, he claims to have emerged the victor and the wife ran away. When asked about the dagger, he claims he forgot all about it and made a mistake leaving such a valuable piece at the scene. 

    The wife's story claims that she was not seduced but raped. After which the bandit left her in shame with her husband. Her husband, full of loathing and contempt refused to look or acknowledge her. She took the dagger and begged her husband to kill her to save her from shame. She claims to have passed out from shock and awoke to find the dagger in the body of her dead husband. 

    Through a medium the husband's story is told. According to this version the husband claims that his wife was raped and agreed to escape with the bandit on his journey only if he would agree to kill her husband before they left. The bandit, horrified, asked the husband whether he should kill his cold hearted wife or let her go. She runs away and the husband kills himself. 

    The woodcutter's story is the only one coming from a person not directly involved in the events. The woodcutter did see the rape and the murder. But how things transpired were not exactly as anyone had said. According to his account, the bandit did rape the wife. After begging her to leave her husband and marry him, the wife freed her husband who was too ashamed to defend her honor. The wife chastised both claiming they were not real men and that real men would fight for her. Pushed to fight, the men fought not valiantly - as the bandit had claimed - but pitifully with the bandit finally knocking the husband to the ground after a lucky blow. The husband begged for his life as his wife fled. Roiled with conflict, the bandit finally killed the husband. This version isn't without doubt either as the woodcutter is then accused of tailoring his story to hide the fact that he was indeed the one that had stolen the dagger and didn't want to get caught. 

*Watch the complete film above if you're curious to the outcome of the film*

 

You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression...?

POINT TO PONDER

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes." 

                                        -Sally Field    

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

Usually first impressions are what we judge people on. Often, it is the only chance that we have to tell someone who we are. So much rests on the first encounter that it can be a job in itself to put our best foot forward. It's sometimes hard to accept that we can't help what another thinks of us. We can do the best we can and put our best self on display and still we are judged harshly, poorly. That we can't control. 

    What we can do is remember to be kind to others when we first meet them - to hold off judgement, to forgive an awkward comment, and understand that others are struggling with their own problems as well. 

    I often think about Boo Radley from Harper Lee's classic novel, "To Kill a Mockingbird." Boo was judged by reclusive behavior, his haunted looks, and the rumors in town that he was a horrible person. When the central characters in the book, two children, are saved by Boo from an attack from another adult, we start to see past the image to who the man really is. 

    We never do get a second chance to make a first impression but sometimes the first impression is not all it's cracked up to be. There have been countless crooks, murderers, and thieves that appear to be respectable on first glance. Ted Bundy ring a bell? 

    Then there are those like Boo Radley that we judge too soon. A teacher once said to me, "if you can hold out just long enough from deciding on what a thing is, then maybe we can see what it truly can be." 

 

 

To Forgive.

POINT TO PONDER

"...it isn't cruelty or shame that characterizes the human race. It's forgiveness that makes us what we are... without that there would be no love, for every act of love is in some way a promise to forgive. We live on because we can love and we love because we can forgive."

                                             - Gregory David Roberts (from his novel "Shantaram")

 

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

In the spirit of Easter this coming weekend I wanted to touch on the subject of forgiveness. I searched for stories that told tales of people forgiving another. The structure was similar, a person was done wrong and had to find the power to forgive another that had done them harm. Many stories were touching and moving, but always it seemed, the stories point of view was coming from the place of being a victim. 

    I started to think about all the wrongs that had been done to me. I started to feel hurt - a bit angry even - about events that happened in my past where I had been wronged. It was easy to conjure those images, feelings, and stories. I thought about the forgiveness I had given and how much power I felt to have been able to let go and move on from a hurt I'd endured. 

    Then as if my brain was trying to play devil's advocate, I remembered a few instances I'd put out of my brain - acts that I had done that hurt other people I loved. I hurt people without realizing it and I often put it out of my mind, became defensive, and refused to acknowledge the pain thinking that time would be the greatest healer. Often time isn't enough, time without acknowledgement just allows those injuries to scab over, allows a chasm to grow in the silence. 

    Asking for forgiveness is hard. Far harder because you must look at yourself, what you've done, and acknowledge pain and grief. Asking for forgiveness puts you in a position of submission, of vulnerability, and admission. Ultimately, you may not get the forgiveness you are looking for. You release control once you ask for forgiveness, you give that right to the person who you have caused pain. So more often than not, we can't even bring ourselves to apologize and ask for forgiveness. 

    Why can't we ask? Why don't we confront our mistakes? Why do we run from them?

    Fear.

    We fear being rejected, punished, and hurt ourselves. We fear the power we have to cause another pain, we fear the unknown of being completely at surrender with another human being. It takes love and faith to ask someone you have hurt for forgiveness and it takes the same to be forgiven in return. 

    Whatever your personal or religious beliefs - if there is a loose end not tied up in your life, a person you couldn't face because of a mistake you made - I encourage you to acknowledge it. You might not always get the forgiveness in the time that you want or in the way that you need, but then again, you might. You just might...

    Because in that act, to acknowledge and submit, you chose to love and be loved in return. 

    

When Opportunity Comes Knocking.

 

POINT TO PONDER 

“When opportunity comes knocking on the door, don’t go to wash your face.”

                    -From an ancient Indian story my grandfather used to tell us.

 

REFLECTION

When it comes to customers, there is no such thing as "Out of Scope." Such advice came from one of the greatest salesmen I have known.

 

    In the summer of 1966, I got an internship to work in a small business. Part of the assignment was to accompany the owner during his door to door visits with customers. What I noticed was that the owner would listen to customer’s ideas, dilemmas, needs, and even if he did not have the product or service needed, he would say, “let me get back to you.”

    

    Upon return he would assess if he wanted to get into that line of business or if there were other companies that could quickly service that customer’s need; then he would either make a deal with the other companies or refer them directly to the customer.

    

    On one day he even referred his competitor to his customer realizing that he did not have that product. My curious mind inquired, “isn’t that dangerous - you are letting your competition get in the customer’s door.” To that he replied, “the primary objective of my business, stated in my mission, is to offer quick solutions to customers. And customers have seen that and asked me to get into many areas that they have need. Some customers have even funded my new ventures because they know I am focused on their success.”

   

    Over the years, the scope of his business grew from cement to chemicals to ice and many more areas.The most important thing I learned from him in the summer of '66 was that “when it comes to customers, there is no such thing as, 'Out of Scope.'"  Years later when I watched a documentary on PBS about Microsoft,  the memory of that lesson revived and has stayed fresh since then.

 

STORY LINE

Many a times, it is in split seconds decisions that the fortunes are made or lost. One company becomes "Microsoft" and the other (Interglactic Digital Research) vanishes from the face of the earth. Interglactic had the operating system that IBM (All mighty of computer business in those days)desperately needed to get PC business going, the other (Microsoft) did not. (Microsoft had only "Basic",a computer language.) So what happened next?

 

Following story is extracted from the Public Broadcasting Station (PBS) special "Triumph of theNerds" by Robert Cringley

The scene is set in California...laid back Dr.Gary Kildall, CEO of Interglactic, already making the bestselling PC operating system CPM. In Seattle Bill Gates maker of BASIC the best selling PC language butalways prepared to seize an opportunity. So IBM had to choose one of these guys to write the operatingsystem for its new personal computer. One would hit the jackpot the other would be forgotten...a footnote in the history of the personal computer and it all starts with a visit to their headquarters by IBM in 1980.

 

In a nutshell, when IBM came on a short notice, Bill Gates and team changed their plans to accommodate them. Gary Kildall had other plans and he left IBMers with his partner and lawyer. When IBM pooped out non-disclosure agreements, Bill signed them in good faith even though he found them very amusing. Interglatic got the lawyer to look at the non-disclosure. The lawyer threw up on this non-disclosure. So IBM spent the whole day in Pacific Grove debating with them and with their attorneys and everybody else about whether or not Interglatic personal could even talk to them about talking to them, and they left.

 

Sequel to the story: And Bill Gates, not wanting to let go the opportunity, found a small company in Seattle to develop this operating system. 
 

Interestingly, that small company's operating system, which saved the deal with IBM, was, well, adapted from Gary Kildall's CPM.

”As it happens often in the PC business, the prize didn't go to the inventor but to the exploiter of the invention.”

 

    But then again, When the opportunity comes knocking on the door, don’t go looking for the sink to wash your face. Just open the door, you will have rest of your life to do Risk Mitigation.

 

The Greatest Love of All (A Tribute to Whitney Houston).

POINT TO PONDER

Learning to love yourself
                    It is the greatest love of all.

 

STORYLINE by Rajiv Shah & Analisa Shah

The death of Whitney Houston saddened me this past week. I grew up listening to her music during the 80's while sitting in my father's car with my sister and mother while her sterling vocals filled our friday night drives. My sister and I would listen to Whiteny's songs everyday during the week, rehearsing privately in our room, preparing to to take the stage in the backseat of our beat up, mustard yellow 1983 Volvo DL. Friday nights were our own personal showtime and we wanted to be ready. 

    Those Friday night drives, the laughter, and the stories we shared are what would become the inspiration for Friday Reflections. Whitney's songs were the soundtrack to those nights - as much an inspiration as carefree entertainment - and we sang along with her, struggling to hit her high notes. 

    This isn't so much a storyline as it is a simple remembrance to an entertainer who had touched a life, many lives, though she struggled deeply with her own. Her battles with addiction were public, her meltdowns with Bobby Brown tabloid fodder, and the once pitch perfect voice now gone...

    But when a life ends we are left with memories. Long after flesh and bone recede back into the earth, we survive on with nothing more than the rememberance of how two lives can run parallel for a moment, however brief and seemingly unconnected. I never knew Whitney Houston but she touched my life and that of my family with a gift only time and our own death can take away - she gave us memories. 

    My fondest - I see myself, I'm nine years old at a party thrown by one of my parents' friends and I'm standing in the front of a strange living room with my sister, who's six and can't stop picking at her red polka dotted dress. Her eyes dart down and around, not sure what to look at because all my parents' friends eyes on us, waiting. A worn down tape with the lettering missing, the ink on its face scrubbed away from repeated flips in a tape recorder, is turning. They are waiting for this brother and sister to perform the duet my father has been telling them about, bragging about, and I get nervous. My sister finally looks to me and she grasps my hand. "The Greatest Love of All" begins, its slow electronic melody filling the room...

    And we inhale just like we do every Friday night on our family rides. The fear starts to melt away...

    We know this, we've done it so many times before. I smile at my sister. She nods. Our courage returns, we open our mouths, and we sing. We sing with everything we have - notes imperfect, our little bodies struggling, trying to catch a breath - just a brother sister duo without much singing ability but a whole lot of heart.

    Yes, it was cheesy. Yes, my parents loved it. And yes, I remember it as one of the best memories from my childhood.

    You didn't know us Whitney Houston but we knew you. Oh how we knew you... And we thank you.

 

REFLECTION     

                 I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
                 If I fail, if I succeed
                 At least I'll live as I believe
                 No matter what they take from me
                 They can't take away my dignity
                 Because the greatest love of all
                 Is happening to me
                 I found the greatest love of all
                 Inside of me
                 The greatest love of all
                 Is easy to achieve
                 Learning to love yourself
                 It is the greatest love of all.

In Response to a Reader...

This week's Friday Reflection is in response to a reader who sent in this question:

    “What’s the quote about getting the door slammed in your face 10 times and being just as positive for the 11^th? I need to give a young man some encouragement. Thanks”

    It turns out that this reader is helping his stepson find a job. It has been tough due to the economy and his stepson was losing morale. So the request was made for the quote - which is below along with the original reflection - and I went searching. I found the quote in the archives from 2007.

    I was surprised, touched, and honored that a Point to Ponder from over 4 years ago would still be remembered by a reader today. I wanted to say thank you to that reader, and all of the readers, for supporting Friday Reflections. I hope it has and will continue to make a difference in each of your individual journeys.

    So to the reader with the fabulous memory, here's the answer you've been looking for...

 

Persistence Pays Part 4: From Homeless to Billionaire (Reprinted from 11/01/07)

(Not the reader in question)

"I have said many times that the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people do a lot of the things that unsuccessful people don't want to do. Like when the door is slammed in your face ten times, you go on to door number eleven with just as much enthusiasm.”

                                                                                - John Paul Dejoria.

STORYLINE

If this were just another rags to riches story, I would probably not cover it here. However, the story of John Paul Dejoria was particularly exceptional and fascinating to me: because of his values, his "out-of-the-box thinking", and what he did with his phenomenal success.

John Paul grew up with a single parent, amongst the gangs of East Los Angeles, living in near poverty. At the age of nine, he would deliver newspapers at 3 o'clock in the morning with his brother, dreaming that he might earn $150 week someday so that he could afford a used car.

As fate would have it, while still in his early 20s, he became a single parent and now had a young son to support.  To get by, he took various jobs - janitor, a gas station attendant, repairing bicycles, and selling encyclopedias - but during this time, he was homeless twice.  Too proud to ask for help, he collected coke bottles and cans and cashed them in for small meals. By any standard, he was in deepest of valleys but managed to keep his hopes high.

In 1980, he finally got his break.  He was able to borrow $700 with his friend, Paul Mitchell, to start a new company. This company would introduce a new line of hair care products under the brand name "Paul Mitchell".

At the time, this company consisted of one post office box and a single answering machine.  The voice message on that machine was recorded by a female friend with an English accent in their office which was icidentally, the back seat of their car.  The company could not afford colored ink and went with black and white packaging - which today is the instantly recognizable Paul Mitchell brand.

Instead of following the convention of chasing supermarkets and chain stores, the partners knocked on the doors of hair salons across the United States. They used an innovative sales strategy that had never been tried in the beauty industry before. They offered free demonstrations for customers and guaranteed that if the product didn't sell, the salons could return it without any conditions.

Suffice to say, the salons loved it and their customers did too. As the company grew, John Paul continued to innovate; running it with a management philosophy to hire, train and retain the best people, and reward them handsomely.  As a result, his company operates with three to four times less resources than his competitors, or in his words, with “fewer moving parts ... fewer people doing more.”

With this combination of innovation and persistence in everything; ranging from design and sales to operations, his dream of earning $150/Week turned quickly into billions of dollars in assets.  Today, John Paul Dejoria is still innovating.  He is involved in many other ventures ranging from tequila and pet care products to solar cars and environmental projects. He donates $100s of millions to various charitable causes around the world. His motto is “Success unshared is failure.”

REFLECTION

There are a few common themes that come out of the lives of successful people.

1. They have dreams and know what they want to achieve.

2. They are willing to pay the price (whatever it may be) to achieve them.

3. They go for them with passion and never look back.

Hint: you can see other stories in our 'persistence pays' series by clicking here

The Greatest Punch Was the One He Never Threw

POINT TO PONDER 

“We're all fighting for the same cause and idea but we have different reasons and different approaches."                                                

                                                                                                        -Muhammad Ali

STORYLINE by Rajiv Shah

It is approaching Muhammad Ali's 70^th birthday this week and as an avid boxing fan I would like to pay tribute to the man who simply became known as “The Greatest.” His boxing accolades, championships, and triumphs are well known: three time world championships, an Olympic gold medal winner, and in 1999, Ali was crowned "Sportsman of the Century" by Sports Illustrated and "Sports Personality of the Century" by the BBC.

Add to this a man that could rhyme poetry, who spoke openly about his religious beliefs, and who protested the Vietnam War by refusing to fight a war he didn't believe in. A refusal that caused the United States of America to strip Ali of his title, his boxing license, and four of the most precious years a young boxer has in fighting career.

I watched a talk show with the young Ali where he was asked if he regretted his decision to evade the draft. The punishment was severe and was it really all worth it? His response was, “...if I regretted it, it wasn't sincere.”

The talk show host pointed out that when Ali's conviction was overturned that he didn't seem the least bit resentful of the Supreme Court or the men that had taken boxing away from him.

Ali responded, “I would be a hypocrite if I did because I expected them to recognize me for what I believed. And they did what they thought was right at the time they took my title, at the time they wouldn't let me box nowhere in the country. They just did what they thought was right. And for me now to sue them or to condemn them, or to speak out against them for doing what they thought was right – then this would be hypocritical - at the same time I expect them, though they didn't, to recognize me for what I believe. So how can I get on them for doing what they thought was right?”

REFLECTION

There was a humor and a humanity to Muhammad Ali that seemed to belie the savage nature of the sport he dominated. Ali is a study in that contrast that has grasped our fascination with him as an athlete and man for so many decades. George Foreman spoke of Ali's greatness in the documentary, “Facing Ali.” In the film Foreman recounts the famous “Rumble in the Jungle” fight that took place in Kinshasa, Zaire in 1974. He says the best punch of that fight was never landed. Foreman said that as he was stumbling and headed for the canvas in the eight round, Ali could have easily punched him on the way down. Ordinarily, boxers will finish off the collapsing fighter but Ali didn't. He kept his fist cocked but didn't deliver the blow. There was something humane about not throwing the punch - something aesthetically beautiful in a moment of pure brutality – that made Ali the greatest fighter in Foreman's estimation. Happy birthday to the greatest, Muhammad Ali. 

Click on the photo above for a 1min and 30sec video of the Greatest of All Time. 

 

 

Tis the Season...

POINT TO PONDER

We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.

                                                        - Martin Luther King Jr.

 

STORYLINE

Every holiday season I think of an incident I witnessed a few years back during the days leading up to Christmas. I was sitting with my family having dinner at our favorite pizza spot.

    A ding from the door's bell alerted the room that another customer had arrived, actually two. I looked up midway through my third slice and caught sight of a young man, college age, fresh faced, and full of life. He stepped in and turned back to hold the door open and behind him as an older man walked in, hunched over, his clothes more like tattered blankets, stripped, and draped over his bony shoulders. His took the first step in, his once white sneakers covered in black soot, and passed in through the doorway. He looked up at the room, his beard cascading carelessly from his blunted chin as his eyes darted apologetically beneath his heavy brows. The young man ushered him in as customers from other tables started to catch sight of the two men.

    As they stepped up to the counter the murmuring picked up. Eyes looked up at them and then shifted away. A lady in the booth adjacent to ours looked at the two and turned to her family and said, “that's disgusting.” The young man and the homeless man put in their order and made their way through the restaurant trying to find a place to settle down for their meal.

    As they made their way through, couples tensed as they neared their table, families relaxed as they passed by, and finally they found a booth they liked and sat down. They had managed to find the one booth right next to the lady who had made it clear she was disgusted by the homeless man's presence. She gasped audibly when they sat down.

    The young man looked up at her and said, “he's a human being too, he needs to eat just like we do.”

    Promptly, the lady got up with her family to leave, “take the booth, I've lost my appetite.”

REFLECTION

What's your end of the year reflection?

 

 

Pay me now, or Pay Me Later (Part 2)

Point to Ponder: 

“Find me the best person for the job, the second best is too expensive.”

 

Story Line:

A week ago, a friend I respect told me a story that was not only deep in meaning but also very funny. He had a tree in his front yard which had grown very tall. Having decided to remove it, he called two different people specializing in tree removal. 

    

    The first guy presented a formal statement of work broken down by each task. The quote total was $1100. The next guy came, looked at the tree and said that he would charge $300. Having seen the first guy’s formal statement of work which was broken down by tasks, my friend asked if it included roots removal.

     

    “Sir, that will be $150 extra. So the grand total will be $450.” Promised the second bidder.

 

    My friend was delighted. The second guy had exceeded his expectations for the price and got the job. The next day the guy came with four helpers and started the job. My friend and his wife had to attend an event and left home at lunch time.

 

    When they returned, they saw that the tree was cut only half way but the workers and the boss were nowhere to be seen. He called the guy.

 

     “Sir, the saw broke so we had to leave. I will get a new one in a few days and come back to finish the job. But I am short of money right now to get a new one.” Wanting to finish the job before the holidays and also pitying the guy, my friend offered him advanced payment of $450 to buy a saw and finish the job.

 

    After that none of the phone calls from my friend were returned and two weeks later some strange person picked up the phone and said “Wrong number.” Now in a great hurry to remove the rest of the tree, my friend called the first guy. Professional that he was (it was all business, nothing personal), he came by to finish the job.

 

    When his workers climbed the remaining part of the tree, they noticed that my friend’s roof was cracked and they immediately informed him of the news. It seemed that the previous guy had dropped a branch on his roof and damaged it.

 

The final tally to remove the tree: $2100. And broken down by work:

1. removing remaining part of the tree plus

2. roof repair and

3. not to forget $450 advance to the other guy for the saw.

 

Reflection: 

When I finished listening to this story, it reminded me of one similar incident from my youth that was published in FR four years ago.

 

http://fridayreflections.typepad.com/weblog/2007/10/pay-me-now-or-p.html

 

 

Thanksgiving Reflection: All for one and one for all.

POINT TO PONDER

We hire workers, but those who arrive are human beings. (source: "And other strange ideas" in a page from "400 seconds presentation from John Simmons)

STORYLINE by Rajiv Shah

I have been absent from writing Friday Reflections and am welcoming this opportunity to return by writing about a play I was recently in, DAY OF ABSENCE. The play was a unique, fictional account of what would happen if a group of workers (primarily nannies, farmers, and laborers) disappeared from a fictional town in the United States. 

I believed this was a fictional account, and indeed when the play was performed (in 1965) it was, until I came across an article in USA Today detailing the mass exodus of immigrants from Alabama towns after courts passed harsh anti-immigrations laws allowing law enforcement to detain any immigrants suspected of being illegal in this country. Further, it requires schools to verify immigration status of their students. What has transpired is that a large portion of Alabama's labor force has simply vanished from the town all together. Farms have been left unharvested, grocery stores have found their business drop 60%, and schools found 2,300 students mising from their classrooms. Whole neighboorhoods have become ghost towns virtually overnight with furniture and belongings left in the now abandoned houses.  

The effects have been substantial and Alabama is trying to find solutions to their now suddenly vacant labor force. 

REFLECTION

We all affect one another, regardless of paycheck or role, and we depend on one another to function as a whole. Sometimes within our own companies it is difficult to fully grasp the impact an employee makes to the whole, positively or adversely. Alabama respresents a extraordinary circumstance but exemplifies that we often need each other more than we care to acknowledge. We see the position one fills more than we see the person and the actions we take always affect one another, even if they are not immediately visible, especially when we only see that person's position and not their humanity.