Friday Reflections

Tradition without Intelligence is Not Worth Having.

*title of this FR is from T.S. Eliot*

POINT TO PONDER

Tradition becomes our security, and when the mind is secure it is in decay.

                                                    -Jiddu Krishnamurti

STORY LINE (Retold by Dipankar Bose)

Years ago, in Russia, a czar came upon a lonely sentry standing at attention in a secluded corner of the palace garden.

    "What are you guarding," asked the czar.

    "I don't know. The captain ordered me to this post," the sentry replied.

    The czar called the captain. His answer, "Written regulations specify a guard was to be assigned to that area."

    The czar ordered a search to find out why. The archives finally yielded the reason. Years before, Catherine the Great had planted a rose bush in that corner. She ordered a sentry to protect it for that evening. One hundred years later, sentries were still guarding the now barren spot.

The Indivisible Whole

POINT TO PONDER

“One cannot expect to do well in one compartment of life while not doing well in other. Life is one indivisible whole.”

                            -Mahatma Gandhi

 

REFLECTION

Similarly one cannot have one set of principles and values when convenient and other set when not convenient.

To Forgive.

POINT TO PONDER

"...it isn't cruelty or shame that characterizes the human race. It's forgiveness that makes us what we are... without that there would be no love, for every act of love is in some way a promise to forgive. We live on because we can love and we love because we can forgive."

                                             - Gregory David Roberts (from his novel "Shantaram")

 

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

In the spirit of Easter this coming weekend I wanted to touch on the subject of forgiveness. I searched for stories that told tales of people forgiving another. The structure was similar, a person was done wrong and had to find the power to forgive another that had done them harm. Many stories were touching and moving, but always it seemed, the stories point of view was coming from the place of being a victim. 

    I started to think about all the wrongs that had been done to me. I started to feel hurt - a bit angry even - about events that happened in my past where I had been wronged. It was easy to conjure those images, feelings, and stories. I thought about the forgiveness I had given and how much power I felt to have been able to let go and move on from a hurt I'd endured. 

    Then as if my brain was trying to play devil's advocate, I remembered a few instances I'd put out of my brain - acts that I had done that hurt other people I loved. I hurt people without realizing it and I often put it out of my mind, became defensive, and refused to acknowledge the pain thinking that time would be the greatest healer. Often time isn't enough, time without acknowledgement just allows those injuries to scab over, allows a chasm to grow in the silence. 

    Asking for forgiveness is hard. Far harder because you must look at yourself, what you've done, and acknowledge pain and grief. Asking for forgiveness puts you in a position of submission, of vulnerability, and admission. Ultimately, you may not get the forgiveness you are looking for. You release control once you ask for forgiveness, you give that right to the person who you have caused pain. So more often than not, we can't even bring ourselves to apologize and ask for forgiveness. 

    Why can't we ask? Why don't we confront our mistakes? Why do we run from them?

    Fear.

    We fear being rejected, punished, and hurt ourselves. We fear the power we have to cause another pain, we fear the unknown of being completely at surrender with another human being. It takes love and faith to ask someone you have hurt for forgiveness and it takes the same to be forgiven in return. 

    Whatever your personal or religious beliefs - if there is a loose end not tied up in your life, a person you couldn't face because of a mistake you made - I encourage you to acknowledge it. You might not always get the forgiveness in the time that you want or in the way that you need, but then again, you might. You just might...

    Because in that act, to acknowledge and submit, you chose to love and be loved in return. 

    

"I Sent You to Manila to Solve My Problems, Not Report More..."

POINT TO PONDER

“Just because you reported nine problems and the guy before you seven does not mean you are making progress.”

                                         -Jim Boyd, One of the bosses from my early-days in industry.

 

STORYLINE “ I sent you to Manila to solve problems not come back and report more” -Mr. Dowd

The year was 1980. The large defense contractor I was working for had offered me an expat assignment in Manila. I was invited to attend a presentation by the team that had just returned from Manila after visiting our subcontractor facility.

 

    Listening to the presentation by the leader of the team, it seemed that there were many big problems at the subcontractor site, and there was no end on the horizon. To a newcomer like me, the situation looked very grave.

 

    As the leader was about to end, Mr. Dowd intervened and said, “Let me conclude it for you. I sent you guys to Manila to solve my problems, not come back and report more. I already knew that I had problems before you went, so that's why I asked for you.”

 

    One person from the team said, “But Mr. Dowd, the problems are very complex and difficult.”

 

    To that Mr. Dowd replied ”Yes I know. That is why I asked you to take the project. If they were easy then I would have found someone else and not bothered with you.”

 

REFLECTION 

The story above and many more practical lessons that I learnt after that day from Mr. Dowd, Jim Boyd, and my superiors early on have been so valuable in my life and career. How true that companies hire us because they have problems (aka Challenges) in the first place? The expectations are that we spend time wisely in getting effective and timely solutions. 

 

The Successful Man is Himself

POINT TO PONDER

In all my years of coaching, I have never been successful using somebody else’s plays.

                                                        - Vince Lombardi

 

STORYLINE: Muhammad is not talking, The fight that Ali lost.

 

Muhammad Ali was set for his first fight against Leon Spinks, an unknown boxer who had only six major fights in his career. Leading up to the fight there were a few things Ali did not do that were part of his normal routines before fights.

He did not prepare as hard but also noticeably was his silence before. In all fights before he was very vocal about opponents, making statements, poetries how he is going to humiliate the opponent. Basically he used to Psyche them out and Psyche him up mentally for the fights. This was also a key factor in his winning fights where he mentally screwed up opponents even before the fight.

From what I had heard, he was advice to be modest before Spinks fight and he decided to stay complete silent when reporters would approach him for questions, refused interviews . He would turn away and walk away when microphones were put in front of him.

 

And you know what happened? He lost that fight against very junior and unknown fighter.

 

REFLECTION

One cannot tell what exactly was going through Muhammad Ali's mind leading up to the fight. But what one can learn is that he deviated from what was typical to him as a fighter. That was enough to mean the difference between a win and a loss. The moral? Always fight your fight.

A Leader Leads.

POINT TO PONDER

Example is leadership. 

             -Albert Schweitzer

 

STORYLINE by Rajiv Shah

If you are a football fan, as I am, then you are most likely gearing up to watch the Superbowl this coming weekend. But my thoughts are not on the New York Giants or New England Patriots but on a team that lost two weeks ago in heartbreaking fashion, the San Francisco 49ers. I'm still reeling over Kyle Williams' two, yes two, miffed punt returns that led to scores that shouldn't have happened and put the New York Giants in the Super Bowl. The two scores were fatal as the final score read: 20 - 17 in favor of the Giants. And yet, amidst the loss and my misdirected blame towards Kyle Williams, the 49ers have managed to teach me about teamwork in a way I couldn't have expected.

    If you don't know the story, Kyle Williams is a second string receiver that was put into the NFC Championship game after the starting kick returner, Ted Ginn Jr., was out due to injury. So in the biggest game of young Kyle Williams' life, he wanted to shine. Shine he did not. He ultimately let his whole team and a great city down. If you need a recap here's a video that should catch you up:

 

    But this reflection is not about just the doom and gloom. Mistakes happen and great leadership is needed most in times of peril. What impressed me and much of the media was the way the team handled the mistake and the missed chance of a trip to the Super Bowl. It was an example of the tone Jim Harbaugh sets with his players - one that could be seen in what he did with a team in his first year as head coach - that was last year 6-10 (under coach Mike Singletary) and did not even make the playoffs with much of the same personnel.  Following the defeat 49er players circled around Kyle Williams, patting him on the shoulder, encouraging him to keep his head up, and telling the media that he wasn't the one to blame that they all could have played better. Jim Harbaugh did not blame Kyle Williams and neither did his teammates, they won together and lost together. It was truly one of the redeeming things that you could take away from the loss - that the leadership creates that team atmosphere - and that the future does indeed look bright. 

 

REFLECTION

 How easy is it to pass on blame when things go awry? Very easy, as I myself am guilty. I am only a spectator and I blamed Kyle Williams for the season. Is it fair of me to do this when his own teammates stand up for him? That's when I realized the true substance of this team, what the leadership instilled in them, and what I could ultimately learn from this football team.

    Leadership and integrity, true winners, are not about passing the buck. They take ownership over their failures and successes. It could have been too easy for Jim Harbaugh and the 49ers to blame Kyle Williams for the loss. Winning happens, so does losing, but what counts is how you handle it as a team. The nature of a team is set by the leadership and Jim Harbaugh has led by example. 

    How the 49ers handled the loss - and Kyle Williams - reminds me of one my favorite Rumi quotes: "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." 

    Enjoy the Superbowl!

What Are You Selling?

POINT TO PONDER

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life...

                    -Khalil Gibran

STORYLINE by Rajiv Shah. Excerpt from “The Everything Selling Book” by Marguerite Smolen.

I'm working constantly at selling my wares to prospective buyers. It seems that I have had some difficulty as of late and have turned to simple sales books to help me in my quest to help solve my dilemma. In a passage from “The Everything Selling Book” by Marguerite Smolen, an experiment really stood out and highlights attitudes we might have that extend far beyond the sales world and into other professions as well. The experiment is this: from the lines below which word highlighted in each line, in your view, is the most important in becoming a successful salesperson?

 

1. To succeed at sales, you must sell.

2. To succeed at sales, you must sell.

3. To succeed at sales, you must sell.

4. To succeed at sales, you must sell.

5. To succeed at sales, you must sell.

 

According to Smolen, if you picked #1, it seems that the focus is results oriented. That can be good for meeting numbers but might also be limiting in hearing the customers needs if selling is the end all and be all. It is based on an external motivator.

For #2 the word 'sales' suggests a thing you do which can be looked at as a separate entity. Depending on how you feel about sales will determine how you approach the task. It puts focus on something that you can distance yourself from. Thoughts like, “I'm not really a salesperson,” will often come into play and can be limiting. Or, I am great at sales and it motivates you to get better.

Choosing #3 suggests that you are not necessarily wanting to sell but you 'must' for a variety of different reasons. We often don't like doing things we have to do, things we feel we are forced to, and a feeling of 'must' comes with negative emotions towards that action. Sometimes a must can motivate us as well but it is often dictated by forces we often feel are out of our control.

If you were drawn to #4, the word 'succeed' is the end goal. Often we focus on success rather than the tasks in front of us that allow us to achieve it. It is putting the focus on the future, about success that is coming rather than doing the work in the moment in order to achieve it. Success is the result that comes from process.

Choosing #5 is internally motivated. It focuses on you and what your values are and how you execute your own personal mission statement. Who you are, what state you are in, and how you treat others is what you receive in return. You are the most important part of the process and are in control of your own destiny. Of course, one can always be too focused on themselves, their process, and are not able to be flexible or hear customer needs.

REFLECTION

Each choice has its positive and negative attributes. There isn't right or wrong, just ways we can improve, and we can always do that. Recognizing who we are and what we are motivated by are important, but how we choose to implement that into action is what really counts.

 

 

 

The Best Way to Predict the Future is to Create It.

POINT TO PONDER

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”

                                        -William Shakespeare

STORYLINE by Rajiv Shah

As a professional personal trainer, the beginning of the year is often the busiest. Sign ups for gym membership increase, trainers litter gym floors introducing recently new clients to their programs, and good intentions are at a fevered pitch.

    “I want to lose 15 pounds,” says one client.

    “I want to fit back into my bikini by summer,” says another.

    “At least 2 inches have to come off my waist.”

    “I just want to look buffer.”

    Sound familiar? Then what happens? Clients throw themselves into training at a frantic pace, force themselves to diet rigorously, and by mid-March or sooner, they have abandoned their goals altogether.

    Then there's the gadget fads that never seem to die out. The AB-roller, the shake weight, slimming belts, diet pills, and the list goes on and on. I get asked questions all the time about which new tool is the most effective, to which I respond, “hard work and perseverance.”

REFLECTION

You are accountable for your destiny. Procrastination is a killer. It feeds on your fears and stops you before you even start. Push through it this year.

    As a personal trainer I hear excuses all the time. I'm too busy, I'm too tired, or eventually the kiss of death, "I don't believe this is meant for me anymore." All these reasons not to do it and yet we go on complaining about our weight and health, ultimately making excuses for why it isn't happening.

    Fitness is just one example of this mode of thought, but it is prevalent in other areas of our life as well. Whether it be starting that new business, writing that novel you've had on your mind, or taking that trip that's long overdue.

    What I find works - for the clients that do lose the weight (and keep it off), who feel healthy, and get the results - is simple but not easy. It takes an acknowledgement of the fears and judgement, to show up anyway, put in the work, find positive associations to the work, and keep showing up. Slowly, successful clients adjust their diet - at a pace they can handle, often in small increments - and eventually they get results.The results come when you put in the work and they last when you skip the shortcuts.

    Ultimately, it's up to you. Take your destiny into your own hands in 2012 and stop waiting for tomorrow. If you want something, go after it. There is no other time but now.

Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.

POINT TO PONDER

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.

                                                                     -Arthur Golden

STORYLINE

The New Year is upon us and in looking forward to 2012 we here at Friday Reflections wanted to get the year started right. In the spirit of following your own path, I've compiled some stories and random bits from people that did extraordinary things in 2011:

• At one hundred years old, Fauja Singh of Britain, became the oldest person to complete a full 26 mile marathon in Toronto, Canada.

• Rob Summers, a former collegiate baseball player who played on the winning team of the 2006 College World Series, was paralyzed from the chest down after being hit by a car in, coincidentally, 2006. After four years of not being able to move, doctors implanted 16 electrodes into his damaged spinal cord. He trained daily, putting in countless hours to rehabilitate and Rob now is able to stand, walk independently, and has regained control of his bladder, bowel, and blood pressure functions.

• After learning that coastal forests in North Carolina were being cut down to provide packaging for KFC and McDonalds, eight year old student Cole Rasenberger convinced everyone at his school - 2,250 in total - to write postcards to McDonalds encouraging the company to change their packaging choices. All 2,250 postcards were sent to McDonalds and a short time after receiving the postcards, McDonalds announced it was switching to 100 percent recycled paper bags. Cole's next target is KFC and he's already rallied 6,000 to write postcards and hand delivered them to the KFC headquarters in Louisville, Kentucky.

• Susanne Janson lost her two daughters (fourteen years and twelve years old) and her ex-husband to the Tsunami that ravaged the coasts of Thailand in 2004. Heartbroken and unable to return to work as an advertising executive, Janson instead decided to stay in Thailand. She had heard a young couple were opening an orphanage in Phuket to take in children who had lost their parents in the disaster. Janson decided to help and today the orphanage houses 24 children, mothers, and grandparents affected by the tsunami. This past June, Janson hit a milestone: Fame, a teenage boy living in the orphanage will be heading to college. A huge feat in the poverty striken area in which she now lives. Janson says, “"My daughters loved their life. And I wanted to show them that I would survive this. And if (I) could help my new children to love their lives, at least one good thing came out of this."

  
  

REFLECTION by Rajiv Shah

2011 has been a monumental year. Natural disaster would strike as we all know - Japan would be rocked by an 8.9 earthquake in March and subsequent tsunami while Turkey dealt with a 7.2 magnitude quake of their own in October.

    2011 saw the death of technological giant Steve Jobs.

    January found Egyptian President Mubarak step down from power, a harbinger of the upheavals that would follow in Libya and Syria. On a smaller scale citizens at home followed suit as Occupy protesters took to US streets to voice their displeasure with the current state of the US economy. Elsewhere in the world, similar protests were being staged as Greece's prime minister stepped down from power amidst the European economic crisis.

    2011 was a year where the world saw much tension, unrest, and ultimately, change. And one hopes that from this change will come growth, a new way to live and prosper.  Amidst it all, good was forged on large and small scales, by people like the ones in this friday reflection, people not so different than you and me. Each one faced adversity and found a way to persevere. Tension is essential, it is a place where we are forced to stretch, to challenge, to find a new way, and to blossom. For from a crack in the earth a flower finds a way to grow.

    I do hope the experiences retold in this friday reflection inspire you to create your own stories in 2012, to continue walking your path and blazing your own trails. 

 

 

 

 

Tis the Season...

POINT TO PONDER

We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.

                                                        - Martin Luther King Jr.

 

STORYLINE

Every holiday season I think of an incident I witnessed a few years back during the days leading up to Christmas. I was sitting with my family having dinner at our favorite pizza spot.

    A ding from the door's bell alerted the room that another customer had arrived, actually two. I looked up midway through my third slice and caught sight of a young man, college age, fresh faced, and full of life. He stepped in and turned back to hold the door open and behind him as an older man walked in, hunched over, his clothes more like tattered blankets, stripped, and draped over his bony shoulders. His took the first step in, his once white sneakers covered in black soot, and passed in through the doorway. He looked up at the room, his beard cascading carelessly from his blunted chin as his eyes darted apologetically beneath his heavy brows. The young man ushered him in as customers from other tables started to catch sight of the two men.

    As they stepped up to the counter the murmuring picked up. Eyes looked up at them and then shifted away. A lady in the booth adjacent to ours looked at the two and turned to her family and said, “that's disgusting.” The young man and the homeless man put in their order and made their way through the restaurant trying to find a place to settle down for their meal.

    As they made their way through, couples tensed as they neared their table, families relaxed as they passed by, and finally they found a booth they liked and sat down. They had managed to find the one booth right next to the lady who had made it clear she was disgusted by the homeless man's presence. She gasped audibly when they sat down.

    The young man looked up at her and said, “he's a human being too, he needs to eat just like we do.”

    Promptly, the lady got up with her family to leave, “take the booth, I've lost my appetite.”

REFLECTION

What's your end of the year reflection?